7 Stages Of Emotional Affairs: How To Heal After Betrayal

Typically, there are 7 stages of emotional affairs to watch out for.

If you’re wondering how emotional cheating tends to happen, you’ve come to the right place.

This article explores the signs you might be having an emotional affair and the stages that emotional cheating tends to follow.

Then, we’ll give you strategies for recovering after infidelity and rebuilding your relationship.

What is an emotional affair?

An emotional affair occurs when a person in a committed relationship forms a deep, emotional connection with someone other than their partner.

Unlike physical infidelity, an emotional affair does not involve sexual intimacy.

Emotional affairs are characterized by the following:

  • Sharing intimate thoughts and feelings with someone outside of your relationship.
  • Investing significant emotional energy into this other person.
  • Keeping interactions with this person hidden from your partner.
  • Seeking emotional support, validation, and intimacy that is lacking in your relationship.

An emotional affair can be just as damaging as a physical affair, eroding the foundation of trust and safety in your relationship.

What are the signs you’re having an emotional affair?

Now, let’s look at signs that you may be emotionally cheating, even if you are not aware of it.

Frequent online or text communication

7 Stages Of Emotional Affairs

Spending an excessive amount of time texting, emailing, or messaging someone other than your partner may indicate emotional infidelity.

Further, you might be hesitant to share the details of your conversations with your partner.

Increased secrecy

If you are unusually secretive about your phone, computer, or whereabouts, it could indicate that you are engaged in an emotional affair.

You may not want your partner to know the extent of your emotional connection with this person or how much time you spend interacting with them.

Emotional intimacy with someone else

7 Stages Of Emotional Affairs

Developing a deep emotional connection with someone other than your primary partner may signal that you are having an emotional affair.

For example, you may share deep thoughts and feelings that your partner doesn’t know or seek emotional support from them instead of your partner.

Prioritizing someone else

Putting your friend’s needs or feelings before your partner’s is another sign of emotional cheating.

Making decisions without considering your partner means your emotional investment is shifting away from your primary relationship.

7 stages of emotional affairs

Now, let’s dive into the seven stages of an emotional affair.

Recognizing how emotional affairs start can help you understand why you or your partner might have been unfaithful and how to prevent emotional cheating in the future.

7 stages of emotional affairs #1: Friendship

Most emotional affairs begin with a platonic friendship.

Like any other friendship, you meet someone you enjoy talking to, being around, and connecting over shared interests.

As the friendship develops, you share more about yourself and form an emotional bond.

At this stage, you are ‘just friends’.

7 stages of emotional affairs #2: Deeper connection

7 Stages Of Emotional Affairs

In the second stage of an emotional affair, the connection becomes deeper and more emotionally intimate.

For example, you might start sharing deep feelings, experiences, hopes, and dreams that you don’t tell your primary partner.

In this stage, you become increasingly emotionally invested in this person while hiding the extent of this relationship from your partner.

7 stages of emotional affairs #3: Complaining about your partner

The next stage of emotional infidelity involves confiding in your friend about your romantic relationship.

You vent your relationship problems to this outside person instead of discussing your concerns with your committed partner.

7 stages of emotional affairs #4: Filling needs

During this stage, your friend fulfills emotional needs that your partner is not meeting.

Consequently, you may desire to be with them or talk to them as much as possible.

You spend more time and energy thinking about your friends and what it would be like to be with them, and your physical attraction to them intensifies.

7 stages of emotional affairs #5: Turning away from your partner

7 Stages Of Emotional Affairs

As you develop feelings for your friend, you distance yourself from your partner.

When you need emotional support or comfort, you turn to your friend instead of your partner.

7 stages of emotional affairs #6: Discontent

You may feel increasingly dissatisfied as the emotional distance between you and your partner grows.

You might not feel as connected to your committed partner anymore and fantasize about life with another person.

7 stages of emotional affairs #7: Breakup

In the final stage of an emotional affair, you no longer imagine a happy future with your partner.

You start considering ending your primary relationship or taking steps toward getting a divorce.

How do you heal after an emotional affair?

Recovering from infidelity can be a challenging and lengthy process, but it is possible.

Let’s dive into what you can do to begin healing after an affair and rebuilding your relationship.

Acknowledge your feelings.

7 Stages Of Emotional Affairs

After experiencing an emotional affair, allow yourself the time and space to process your emotions.

It’s entirely normal for the betrayed partner to go through a range of emotions, such as shock, sadness, confusion, anger, and grief.

They might even start feeling guilty and questioning whether they could have done something differently to keep their partner loyal.

As uncomfortable as these feelings can be, don’t judge yourself for having these emotions or try to suppress them.

Instead, acknowledge your feelings as they arise and allow them to pass through you.

Talk about what happened.

Another essential step in emotional affair recovery is open and honest communication with your partner.

These discussions allow the unfaithful partner to be fully transparent about the emotional affair and why it happened.

The cheating partner should take full responsibility for their actions and listen to how their behavior impacts the other partner.

Seek professional support.

Seeking professional help is highly beneficial in navigating the aftermath of an emotional affair.

Couples therapy provides a safe space to process the complex emotions surrounding betrayal and to identify what may have led to the infidelity in the first place.

We have helped thousands of couples rebuild their relationships at Lasting Love Connection.

We designed the Save Your Marriage Course to provide step-by-step guidance for resolving relationship problems, restoring trust and intimacy, and having the close connection you long for.

Take the first step towards repairing your relationship and join the Save Your Marriage Course.

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Start rebuilding trust

As you work through the aftermath of infidelity, take small steps to rebuild trust.

Rebuilding trust is a gradual process that requires you and your partner to demonstrate open communication and commitment to the relationship over time.

Set new boundaries.

7 Stages Of Emotional Affairs

After an affair, take time to re-negotiate healthy boundaries.

Think about what you need to feel safe and respected in the relationship.

For instance, you may ask your partner to stop all communication with their affair partner.

Also, make a point to discuss expectations regarding platonic friendships moving forward, such as setting limits on time alone with close friends of the opposite sex.

Be patient with the healing process.

Healing after an affair doesn’t happen overnight.

Allow yourself the necessary time and space to work through your feelings.

Some days, you may feel hopeful about the future. While some other days, you may be overwhelmed by anger or pain.

Experiencing setbacks is a normal part of the healing process.

Instead of being hard on yourself for not being farther along in your healing journey, be kind to yourself during this challenging time.

What is the root cause of emotional cheating?

7 Stages Of Emotional Affairs

Emotional infidelity can happen due to communication problems, lack of intimacy, or unmet needs in the primary relationship. Additionally, people with low self-esteem may seek validation from an outside source. Emotional cheating can be a way for someone to boost their self-worth through the attention of another person.

Is emotional cheating worse than actual cheating?

7 Stages Of Emotional Affairs

An emotional affair can be just as damaging as a physical one. However, which is “worse” depends on the individuals involved. Some may find emotional cheating more distressing because of the intimate connection and emotional investment, while others may find physical cheating more severe due to the sexual aspect.

Do emotional affairs turn physical?

7 Stages Of Emotional Affairs

Emotional affairs can be slippery and lead to physical affairs, although this isn’t always the case. If the emotional affair is meeting unfulfilled needs, there may be a desire to explore further those feelings, which can sometimes lead to physical intimacy.

How do most emotional affairs start?

7 Stages Of Emotional Affairs

Typically, an emotional affair starts as a simple friendship. A deep emotional bond can develop as you share more personal details about your inner world. Without clear boundaries, this solid emotional attachment can become problematic for your relationship.

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Lasting Love Connection offers top-ranked couples counseling services. Luis Congdon and Kamala Chambers are co-founders and co-authors of all that Lasting Love Connection offers. They have worked with thousands of couples nationwide via dynamic video coaching sessions and have features in Huffington Post, Inc Magazine, TEDx, Forbes, and Chicago Tribune.

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