Are you noticing signs of narcissism in marriage?
Do you feel trapped in an unhealthy cycle of behaviors and unsure of what to do next?
In this article, we will discuss the signs you may be married to a narcissist and the challenges of having a narcissistic spouse.
Additionally, we will discuss actions you can take to improve your relationship with a narcissistic husband or wife and protect your mental health.
Table of Contents
What is a narcissist?
In today’s world, the term ‘narcissist’ is often used casually without a clear understanding of its true meaning.
Being a narcissist doesn’t necessarily mean being an insensitive or selfish person.
Instead, a narcissist is someone who displays traits of narcissistic personality disorder.
Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition
The American Psychiatric Association defines Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) as a mental health condition that impacts various aspects of a person’s life.
Individuals with personality disorders often struggle to maintain healthy relationships.
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) lists nine categories of symptoms that characterize someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Characteristics of Narcissistic Personality Disorder include
- Inflated sense of self-importance.
- Preoccupation with power, success, beauty, etc.
- Feelings of superiority over others.
- Need for constant praise and admiration.
- Feeling entitled to special treatment.
- Willingness to use others for personal gain.
- Lack of empathy.
- Feeling envious of others (and expecting others to envy them).
- Arrogant and self-centered behavior.
It’s possible to notice some narcissistic traits in your spouse, but only a mental health professional can diagnose someone with NPD.
It’s important to understand that narcissism is a spectrum.
Even if someone doesn’t meet all the criteria for narcissistic personality disorder, they may still display narcissistic tendencies that affect their intimate relationship.
How do I know if I’m married to a narcissist?
If you identify with some of these characteristics and are questioning whether your partner could be a narcissist, look out for the following behaviors.
Signs of narcissism in marriage #1: Your partner gaslights you
You may be married to a narcissist if your partner gaslights you.
Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic that causes you to question your perceptions.
For example, you notice your spouse flirting with someone else at a party.
When you express your concerns, your partner flips the narrative and accuses you of being insecure and jealous.
As a result, you believe that you’re just being ‘too sensitive’ and that your feelings are unreasonable.
Gaslighting is your partner’s way of staying in a position of power and control over you.
It is a form of emotional abuse that causes you to second-guess yourself, forcing you to rely on your partner for your sense of reality.
If you are in an abusive relationship, seek support immediately from the National Domestic Violence Hotline is one resource at 1-800-799-7233.
Signs of narcissism in marriage #2: Your partner tries to control you
In addition to gaslighting, a narcissistic husband or wife may use other tactics to control you.
For instance, they might try to tell you who you can and can’t spend time with or limit your access to money or other resources.
Your lack of agency makes you feel suffocated in your marriage.
Signs of narcissism in marriage #3: You feel lonely and disconnected from your partner
Sometimes, lack of emotional intimacy in a marriage is a result of having a narcissistic spouse.
At the beginning of the relationship, your partner may have showered you affection and love to win your trust.
They made you feel like the most important person in the world.
However, over time, their behavior shifted.
They became distant and started withholding affection.
Then, they seemed disinterested in hearing about your life and used love bombing as a form of control.
The grand romantic gestures stopped altogether or are used to manipulate you into doing what they want.
Signs of narcissism in marriage #4: Your partner puts you down
One of the signs that you are married to a narcissist is if your spouse is constantly criticizing you.
A narcissistic person typically criticizes others to maintain their fragile self-esteem.
Your partner may make negative comments about your appearance, belittle your achievements, or make you feel like you can never meet their impossible demands.
Signs of narcissism in marriage #5: Your partner refuses to take responsibility
Another sign of a narcissistic person is unwillingness to take responsibility for their actions.
Narcissists tend to believe that everything that goes wrong is always someone else’s fault and they can do no wrong.
In turn, they make you feel responsible for any issues in your relationship.
Additionally, narcissistic partners are highly sensitive to criticism.
They quickly become defensive and turn things back around on you.
Signs of narcissism in marriage #6: Your partner disregards your needs
If your partner repeatedly prioritizes their own needs over yours, it may be a sign that you are married to a narcissist.
A narcissistic husband or wife is solely focused on fulfilling their desires and doesn’t consider your needs or boundaries.
As a result, your partner disregards your thoughts and opinions, making you feel insignificant.
They do what they want without considering your feelings.
Signs of narcissism in marriage #7: You feel like you’re always walking on eggshells
If you feel like you have to be very careful with what you say or do around your spouse, it might be because you are married to a narcissist.
These individuals usually get very defensive, especially when they feel criticized.
As a result, you try to avoid conflict at all costs, even if it means sacrificing your own needs and opinions.
This dynamic can make you feel like you can’t be your true self and express your thoughts openly.
Signs of narcissism in marriage #8: Your partner isolates you from others
Lastly, a narcissistic spouse isolates you from your friends or family members.
They may say they don’t like your best friend or close family member or try to create division in your other relationships.
By cutting off your support system, your partner keeps you in their grip and assures no one can point out the unhealthy dynamics in your marriage.
What are the effects of narcissism in marriage?
Being married to a narcissist can negatively impact your physical, mental, emotional, and financial well-being.
Let’s explore how a narcissistic husband or wife affects various areas of your life.
Narcissism in marriage lowers relationship satisfaction
People who are married to a narcissist typically experience lower relationship satisfaction.
As a result of your partner’s lack of empathy and disregard for your needs, you may feel unloved or emotionally neglected in your marriage.
Narcissism in marriage causes chronic stress
Living with a narcissist puts you in a constant state of stress due to the unpredictable and demanding nature of the relationship.
Over time, chronic stress can harm your physical health and well-being.
Narcissism in marriage decreases your mental health
The stress and emotional toll of a narcissistic husband or wife can lead to the onset of mental health problems such as anxiety or depression.
Narcissism in marriage reduces your self-esteem
Constant criticism and verbal abuse from a narcissistic spouse erodes your self-esteem, leading to feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness.
Due to being gaslighted, you may start questioning your perceptions and stop trusting yourself.
Narcissism in marriage damages your other relationships
In a narcissistic marriage, it is common to notice that your other relationships begin to decline.
If your narcissistic partner isolates you from your friends and family, your relationships with them can become strained.
Gradually, you may realize that you have pushed away everyone except your partner.
During difficult times in your marriage, you may feel deeply lonely.
Narcissism in marriage can lead to financial strain
A narcissistic husband or wife may exploit their partner financially, using money as a means of control.
Your partner may spend money recklessly, manipulate joint finances, or use financial dependence to keep you trapped in the relationship.
By controlling you financially, narcissists try to assure you won’t leave.
How do you deal with a narcissistic partner?
If you believe that you are married to a narcissist, it’s normal to feel overwhelmed and unsure of what to do next.
However, by following these five steps, you can start to break free from the destructive patterns in your relationship and establish boundaries to protect your mental health.
How to navigate narcissism in marriage #1: Know that you are not to blame
First, remember that you are not responsible for your partner’s behavior.
If you’re in a relationship with a narcissistic partner, you may feel like relationship problems are all your fault.
You might think, ‘If only I could meet their expectations, everything would be fine.’
However, it’s crucial to understand that how your partner treats you is not a reflection of you or what you are or are not doing.
You are not to blame.
How to navigate narcissism in marriage #2: Learn to recognize narcissistic behavior
Learn how to identify narcissistic behavior in your marriage.
Start by learning more about what a narcissist’s behavior looks like in romantic relationships.
Then, take note when your partner exhibits narcissistic traits.
For instance, do they disregard your needs or twist the story to avoid taking responsibility?
Once you become aware of their behaviors, you’ll be able to disentangle yourself from them as they happen instead of being manipulated by their tactics.
How to navigate narcissism in marriage #3: Set firm boundaries
Dealing with a narcissistic partner is challenging, and establishing healthy boundaries is key.
Although you cannot control your spouse’s behavior, you can decide what you are willing to tolerate and what you are not.
For example, you can set a boundary with your partner, stating, “If you start yelling at me or calling me names, I will leave the room.”
If your spouse becomes emotionally abusive, you have a plan in place to keep yourself safe.
How to navigate narcissism in marriage #4: Nurture other relationships
If you’re married to a narcissist, it’s crucial to cultivate other healthy relationships in your life.
When your partner attempts to control or manipulate you, seeking support from your network of friends and family provides you with a new perspective and helps you stay connected to your sense of self.
How to navigate narcissism in marriage #5: Seek therapy
If you’re struggling in your relationship due to the patterns of narcissistic behavior, don’t try to resolve the issue on your own.
Narcissists tend to lack self-awareness and insight into their behavior.
However, individual therapy and couples therapy help them increase their self-awareness.
In couples therapy, an expert will guide you in breaking harmful patterns and developing healthier ways of relating.
At Lasting Love Connection, we provide online therapy services for couples seeking to build a loving and healthy relationship.
Book a complimentary couples consultation to learn more about our online therapy services.
How do I know if I’m married to a narcissist?
Some common signs of a narcissistic wife or husband are: 1) They have an exaggerated sense of self-importance and feel superior to others. 2) They seek other people’s constant approval and praise. 3) They lack empathy and often disregard their partner’s feelings. 4) They manipulate their partner to fulfill their own needs. 5) They become defensive or angry when they believe they are being criticized. If you believe you may have a narcissistic husband or wife, seek counseling.
What is a narcissistic husband?
A narcissistic husband exhibits characteristics of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), such as grandiosity, a need for excessive admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. Narcissistic husbands may be incredibly charming at first, but then, as the relationship progresses, they start to exhibit controlling or abusive behavior.
How does the wife of a narcissist feel?
Being married to a narcissistic husband can have a significant impact on a wife’s emotional well-being. It can lead to ongoing feelings of anxiety, powerlessness, disorientation, and low self-esteem. Women who are married to a narcissistic husband may feel ashamed, thinking that they are responsible for the relationship problems or their husband’s behavior.
How does a narcissist react when they can’t control you?
When a narcissistic husband or wife is unable to control their partner, they may respond with anger, aggression, or hostility. They might become verbally abusive, throw temper tantrums, make subtle threats, or even resort to physical violence. On the other hand, a narcissistic husband or wife may use the silent treatment as a means of exerting control.
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