The triggers after being cheated on can sometimes feel endless.
You might feel like you’re taking huge steps in your healing journey and feeling hopeful about the future. Then, something brings up fresh feelings of hurt, sadness, and fear.
It can feel like you’re right back to the moment when you first found out about the affair.
You might even doubt if you’ve even made progress.
Although it may feel like you’re moving backward, know that triggers are a normal part of healing after infidelity.
This article discusses common triggers after being cheated on and practical strategies to cope with them so you don’t feel overwhelmed by painful emotions.
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What are common triggers after being cheated on?
A trigger can be anything that reminds you of your partner’s betrayal, causing strong emotions like sadness, anger, shame, or fear to resurface.
Triggers can be an external stimulus, like a song on the radio, or internal, such as experiencing a sudden flashback.
Let’s explore common triggers that evoke intense emotions after experiencing infidelity.
Triggers after being cheated on #1: Places
Certain places can be triggers after being cheated on.
For example, if you discover that your husband or wife met their affair partner at the gym, you might experience a strong emotional reaction whenever you drive past the gym or when your spouse mentions going there to work out.
It can be particularly challenging when you are unable to avoid thinking about these places, such as knowing that your spouse will encounter their affair partner at their workplace.
Triggers after being cheated on #2: People
After infidelity, even the people in your life can become triggering.
For example, others were likely aware of your wife or husband’s affair, whether it’s their friends, family, or coworkers.
If these people lied to you or enabled your partner’s behavior, it is understandable that you would feel triggered by the thought of seeing them.
You may need to temporarily avoid interactions with these people or set boundaries to protect your emotional health while you heal.
Triggers after being cheated on #3: Suspicious behaviors
Suspicious behaviors are another common trigger after an affair.
For instance, your partner may be secretive about their phone, step outside to take calls, or quickly close their computer screen when you walk by.
Alternatively, they may start returning home from work later than usual.
These behaviors may be the same ones you observed during the affair, leading you to worry that they’re cheating again.
Triggers after being cheated on #4: Physical intimacy
After experiencing the trauma of betrayal, physical intimacy can become a huge trigger.
It’s possible you once enjoyed being affectionate with your partner, and since you found out about the affair, you recoil at their touch.
Now, whenever they try to get close, you think about them being intimate with someone else, causing overwhelming anger and hurt.
Triggers after being cheated on #5: Hearing about infidelity
Hearing about infidelity from others or in the media can trigger painful memories and emotions.
For instance, if you’re watching a reality TV show with your partner and one of the contestants is having an affair, it can bring back the painful feelings of betrayal.
6 tips for navigating triggers after being cheated on
Now, let’s explore how to manage triggers as you heal from infidelity.
1. Know that experiencing infidelity triggers is normal
First, recognize that it’s normal to have emotional triggers after being cheated on.
Infidelity can be traumatic, and understandably, certain things will bring those raw emotions back to the surface.
These ups and downs are all part of the affair healing process.
Avoid beating yourself up or telling yourself you should be ‘over it’ by now.
Instead, be kind to yourself when strong emotions come rushing back.
2. Identify your triggers after being cheated on
Next, identify your specific triggers.
Take some time to reflect.
What places, people, or situations remind you of your partner’s betrayal?
What causes you to spiral back into deep hurt, shame, or fear?
Recognizing your triggers helps you either avoid them or develop a plan to cope with difficult emotions as they come up.
3. Make a plan
Create a plan for managing difficult emotions when you feel triggered.
In some cases, you may be able to temporarily avoid triggers by setting new boundaries with your partner.
These boundaries will allow you to feel safe as you heal and work toward rebuilding trust.
For example, you might ask your partner to keep their phone face up on the table or give you access to their texts and emails.
At the same time, other triggers may be impossible to avoid as you go about your daily life.
For instance, the bar where the affair started is en route to your workplace.
In those cases, having a plan for the next time you feel triggered is beneficial.
What coping skills ground you during difficult moments?
Can you talk to a friend, family member, or loved one?
Is there a mantra you could repeat to remind yourself that the emotions will pass and you will be okay?
Having coping strategies in place helps you to navigate overwhelming feelings without being overtaken by them.
4. Share how you feel
Another way to cope with infidelity triggers is to communicate your feelings with your partner.
It can feel vulnerable and risky to seek comfort from your spouse after they have hurt you deeply.
Nevertheless, getting support from your partner as you deal with your pain can help you rebuild trust and connection.
Ask your spouse for what you need, whether it’s holding you while you cry or reassuring you that they are committed to you and the relationship.
5. Prioritize self-care
As you experience triggers after infidelity, don’t neglect self-care.
Self-care could involve spending time with supportive people, pampering yourself, expressing yourself creatively, and eating healthy foods.
By taking care of yourself emotionally and physically, you’ll be more prepared to handle triggering situations.
6. Seek couples therapy
Recovering from infidelity can be a long, challenging process.
However, with expert support and guidance, many couples can overcome the pain of betrayal and rebuild a strong relationship.
Couples therapy gives you a safe space to talk through infidelity triggers, process difficult emotions, and find a path forward together.
Book a complimentary couples consultation to learn more about our couples counseling services.
What are the emotional triggers after being cheated on?
After your partner cheated, certain things can bring back intense emotions and memories linked to the betrayal. These triggers differ from person to person but may involve specific places, people who were aware of the betrayal, secretive behavior, or hearing about infidelity.
What is post-infidelity stress disorder?
The term post-infidelity stress disorder describes the symptoms that a betrayed partner may experience after infidelity, which closely resemble PTSD. These symptoms include intense emotional reactions such as shock, fear, anger, and sadness, intrusive thoughts and flashbacks, and avoiding situations that trigger reminders of the affair.
How long do triggers last after infidelity?
The duration of triggers after infidelity varies. Usually, a betrayed spouse experiences triggers most intensely right after the discovery of an affair. Over time, with emotional processing and support, triggers tend to occur less often and with less intensity. However, in some instances, triggers may continue for a prolonged period.
How do you heal after being cheated on?
Here are some tips for your healing journey: 1.) Allow yourself to feel your feelings without judgment. 2.) Seek professional help from a clinical psychologist or relationship coach. 3.) Set boundaries with the cheating partner and be clear about what you need during this time. 4.) Prioritize self-care.
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