Divorce Counseling: How To Find It & When To Get It?

Sometimes, no matter what, couples realize divorce is the only option. 

In those instances where divorce looks inevitable, it’s best to find a way to do it consciously, kindly, and with minimal damage. 

This is where divorce counseling comes in. 

When couples who are divorcing (or thinking about it) want to do so in an amicable way without legal fights, they get divorce counseling. 

Many couples looking for divorce counseling know that it’s impossible to foresee everything that comes with ending their marriage, so they hire a divorce counselor to help them avoid the potholes ahead.

Not that anyone wants to think about it, but divorce is pretty common, and if it’s happening, divorce counseling can help subdue the fights, pain, litigation, and issues that come with ending a marriage.

Related Reading: Signs Your Marriage Will End In Divorce

Why Hire A Divorce Counselor 

Many couples that I’ve worked with have used divorce counseling services to help them:

• Amicably end the relationship
• Avoid putting children in the middle and in the position of having to take sides. 
• Arrange amicable child support agreements in place. 
• Mitigate and minimize stress, fighting, arguing, and litigation. 
• Save money on legal fees (lawyers cost a lot more than counseling).
• Not feel alone through the process of uncoupling and divorcing 
• Find terms that work for them (separating goods, money, assets, and sharing children). 
• Create agreements on how to tell their kids that mom and dad are divorcing 
• Talk to friends and family (and even the public) about their relationship ending 
• Create a parenting plan (when and how the time with kids will be split) 
• Mutually create a roadmap for managing the divorce and all it entails. 
• How to separate and even do it with love at the forefront (not always easy, but possible)

This is an exhaustive list of what comes with divorce, but it’s a good overview of why couples seek divorce counseling. 

Regardless of the reason, the dissolution of a relationship will disrupt your life and trigger some profound emotions like anger, sadness, stress, feelings of abandonment, and grief. The truth is, “life after divorce” is a massive emotional rollercoaster for many. In fact, an uncertain future can feel more daunting than being in the midst of a miserable relationship.

What Is Divorce Counseling 

Just like it sounds, divorce counseling is the process of seeking a counselor to help a couple end their marriage. 

Divorce counseling can help couples in the different stages of ending a marriage.

For example, as couples dissolve their marriage, they often ask questions

• What do you do before you divorce, during, and after? 
• What will you do with the money, assets, home, and other things you used to share? 
• Which steps can you take to manage the divorce amicably, kindly, and with love? 
• How will you manage the unresolved issues?
• What do you tell friends, family, and even the public about the separation?  
• How do you talk to the kids about it? 
• How do you integrate a new person if you have kids if mom or dad starts dating?
• How will you split the time with the kids? 
• What kinds of answers will you give to the kids regarding the divorce? 
• What values do you both want to uphold as the kids go back and forth?  

As you can tell, divorce counseling helps take some of the weight off people’s shoulders. Instead of navigating the murky waters of dissolving a relationship, a divorce counselor can help both people get through it with more clarity and insight. 

The Three Top Reasons People Hire Divorce Counselors 

Reason One (Pre-Divorce Counseling) 

When couples want to see if the marriage should end, in these sessions, the pair pursues counseling to help them figure out if they should separate or stay together. 

These sessions usually involve one or two people on the verge of calling quits, but they want to see if it’s possible to make it work – or at the very least, find a way to end things amicably. 

Reason Two (Pre-Divorce, Decided It’s Over)  

In other instances, couples seek pre-divorce counseling because they’re clear they want to divorce and create a game plan to do so without all the fighting and legal battles and to help them care for kids in the process. 

Through the sessions in pre-divorce counseling, both people can discuss how they’ll spend their time while still living in the same home. The two people, with the help of the divorce counselor, create the roadmap ahead, so they’re on the same page. This helps them minimize fights, stress, legal battles, and the issues with their children. 

Reason Thre (Post-Divorce)  

Couples who are already divorced and pursue divorce counseling do it to help them manage the issues with the separation. Divorce counseling helps them manage divorce in amicable ways.

In my professional experience, many post-divorce couples came to me to help them discuss

• Separation of assets 
• Issues regarding child-rearing 
• How they talk and treat the kids (creating values and rules that are standardized in both homes)
• How do they share the kids and split time 
• Boundaries of how what to tell the kids regarding the other parent 
• Integration of a new spouse into the family  

Quite often, couples seeking post-divorce counseling do so to help them find ways to handle issues around kids and money. But even couples without kids discover that divorce counseling assists in navigating the stress and uncertainty of ending a marriage. 

How Much Does Divorce Counseling Cost 

Divorce counseling costs less than a nasty legal battle, but it still requires an investment. 

On average many divorce counselors, therapists, and marriage counselors who work in this area charge anywhere from $250-$500 per session. While there is no set amount of sessions that people need to dissolve a marriage, it’s a good bet that it will take anywhere from 3-5 sessions. 

If you’re looking for a cost-effective way to do divorce counseling, the best program for this is the Save My Marriage Program.

Since our work is with couples, our work has included countless clients coming to me for divorce counseling. Many of my clients have come to us in the pre-divorce and post-divorce stages, and each time we’ve been able to help them heal, create parenting plans, make agreements for finances, create co-parenting plans, kids, and much more.

Can You Do Divorce Counseling Alone Or As A Couple?

Divorce counseling can be done alone or as two. 

Though you can do it alone, and it will help, the best results are usually when both people attend the divorce counseling sessions. 

It can be quite helpful to discuss the issues with a professional who can help you. A professional who’s helped other couples through the process can help you get on the same page, gain foresight, and manage the steps in a way that minimizes the fighting and stress. 

How To Find A Good Divorce Counselor 

The best way to find a good divorce counselor is by having a free consultation. 

During the consultation, you can ask questions, gain insight into the counselor’s style, and see if they’re a fit for you. 

Some questions that will help you find a good divorce counselor

1. Do you specialize in the area of divorce counseling? 
2. What’s your experience with helping couples in the stages of a divorce?
3. What are some ways you help in divorce counseling? 
4. Have you helped couples successfully divorce, and can you tell me about it? 
5. What do you think is the most important in my situation? 

By asking these questions, you’ll cover a lot of ground and get the information to help you see if the divorce counselor is a fit for you. 

How I Help With Divorce Counseling 

Given my work is with couples, I have helped many couples separate and divorce. 

In our sessions, I help partners navigate the rocky waters of going from married to divorced. 

Though it’s not my ‘advertised specialty,’ it’s something I do. 

Working with the nation’s largest research project on marital success has given me a lot of experience with marriage in general (including divorce). Of course, when you specialize in relationships, you also take divorce as part of that pie. I don’t believe a divorce means you’ve failed, but it does mean there will be a significant change for you. 

When we’re working together on your divorce, I’ll help you

• Find an amicable way to end the relationship 
• Create a gameplan to mitigate legal battles 
• Resolve longstanding issues so you can end things in a friendly fashion 
• Create healthy habits to discuss the change with your kids
• Map out a way to handle the sharing of your children 
• Discuss child support and the financial side of divorce
• Learn strategies to create emotional empathy through the process 
• Talk about how you’ll talk about your ex with your kids (what to say and not say)
• How to respond to the typical questions kids ask when parents divorce 
• What to do to stop triangulation 
• Ways to plan for a mixed family or integration of a new partner (new husband, new wife)
• How to deal with feelings of anger, resentment, frustration, and abandonment 
• Create a parenting plan 
• Discuss the shifts in kids’ lives and how you two will be a team to ensure the best transition for your kids 
• And all the other topics that arise in divorce counseling 

If you’d like to get help with divorce counseling, you can reach out to me and book a free couple’s consult or give me a call (425) 610-6312.