This article will explore the top 15 signs your marriage will end in divorce.
Do you wonder, “Is my marriage over?”
“Are there signs a marriage cannot be saved?”
If you’re wondering about the future of your marriage, signs your marriage is over, or if you should get a divorce, today’s article will help.
Table of Contents
15 signs your marriage will end in divorce
With the divorce rate rising rapidly, every couple should be aware of marriage-ending signs like a lack of emotional and physical intimacy.
In a healthy relationship, you feel loved and cared for.
15 signs your marriage will end in divorce #1: Lack of emotional intimacy
If you feel you and your spouse have lost the ability to connect, this could be one of the signs your marriage is heading for divorce.
For example, you may not have as much in common.
Or, you may not pay attention to each other.
You may not talk like you once did.
Perhaps you’ve lost the ability to show empathy towards one another.
Empathy is the ability to see things from the other person’s point of view.
15 signs your marriage will end in divorce #2: Lack of physical intimacy
If you and your spouse are struggling with emotional intimacy, your physical relationship is also suffering.
Emotional and physical intimacy are linked.
If you can no longer connect, your physical relationship will also inevitably suffer.
To have a satisfying sexual relationship, you must feel heard and understood.
You must put in the time and effort to keep the spark alive and fuel sexual attraction.
Unfortunately, when physical intimacy is missing from their relationships, many couples begin to think about getting a divorce.
If you and your partner are experiencing issues around sexual intimacy, seek the support of a relationship coach or sex therapist to find a path forward.
15 signs your marriage will end in divorce #3: Abuse
Physical, sexual, emotional, or psychological abuse (such as gaslighting) will lead to one or both spouses having low self-esteem.
Furthermore, abuse leaves a person with feelings of being worthless, unsafe, and unloved.
And even if your marriage doesn’t end due to abuse, it won’t be a good marriage.
If there’s abuse or domestic violence in your marital relationship, please seek professional help.
Emotional or physical abuse is a warning sign your marriage is beyond repair.
Unfortunately, once a spouse becomes abusive, it is doubtful they will be able to change these destructive patterns.
While chances of recovery are slim if there is abuse, we strongly encourage you to get immediate professional support.
Seek help from a licensed mental health counselor, licensed clinical social worker, or clinical psychologist.
Warning signs of an abusive relationship
- There’s physical violence. Please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline.
- Your spouse is controlling, possessive, or jealous.
- You are belittled, put down, or called names.
- Your partner isolates you from friends or family members.
- Gaslighting is used to make you feel crazy and that you are to blame.
- There is forced sexual intimacy. Please seek help if this is you.
- There is infidelity and, therefore, a lack of trust in the relationship.
- Your spouse threatens to kill themselves if you should leave.
15 signs your marriage will end in divorce #4: Irreconcilable differences
One of the signs of impending divorce is when a couple can’t get on the same page about some of the most basic things.
For example, spouses may have different values, goals, interests, or parenting styles.
When fundamental beliefs and expectations do not align, marriage is hard, and the couple can have irreconcilable differences.
It’s common to have this struggle in a long-term relationship.
Being different creates chemistry, and some of the friction is exciting.
But on the other hand, if you or your partner refuses to make compromises, it can create resentment and discontent.
“Incompatibility is not only grounds for marriage.… It’s the opportunity to create a great marriage!”
Dr. Harville Hendrix
This is where you and your partner can grow and even become more whole.
If you find yourself stuck in this place of irreconcilable differences, we recommend looking into the Imago Dialogue.
Call us or book a complimentary couples consult if you want further help.
In this video, I talk about creating goals for your relationship together.
15 signs your marriage will end in divorce #5: Lack of equality
While spouses may assume different roles in a marriage, they must view each other as equals.
For instance, a couple may decide that the husband will go to work and bring home the money.
Similarly, they may agree the wife will take care of the home and two kids.
There is nothing wrong with dividing the workload this way.
However, if the husband looks down on his wife and minimizes her role in staying home with the children, it may be a deal-breaker.
15 signs your marriage will end in divorce #6: Infidelity
When one partner cheats, it’s time to seek marriage counseling.
Infidelity is one of the most toxic warning signs that a marriage is in trouble.
When one or both spouses cheat, this is a red flag that something else is wrong with the marriage.
When a wife or husband cheats, they are dissatisfied with the marriage somehow.
For instance, they may feel as though passion and sexual desire are lacking.
They might feel like they no longer spend time together and are growing apart.
As a result, they feel lonely and rejected.
Once the infidelity takes place, the other spouse feels betrayed.
As a result, trust between the husband and wife suffers, and it is tough to get back.
Therefore, it is time to seek professional support from a life coach trained to help couples build successful marriages.
Surviving infidelity is possible.
What Are Red Flags In A Marriage?
There is no doubt that certain things happen that can destroy a marriage. Here are a few of the main pitfalls:
If you recognize red flags in your marriage, don’t try to figure things out on your own; sign up for the Save Your Marriage course.
15 signs your marriage will end in divorce #7: Threatening divorce
Couples get angry and tend to threaten, such as saying they want a divorce.
Unfortunately, the more times divorce is brought up in arguments, the closer you will get to acting on it.
Threatening divorce can make your partner feel like you’re no longer present in the marriage and are already preparing an exit strategy.
Our research shows that threatening divorce leads to mini-heartbreaks that can take months and even years of recovery.
So agree today that you will not use this loaded gun.
Stop threatening divorce.
15 signs your marriage will end in divorce #8: Out-of-control problems
One huge communication flaw is when couples avoid talking about marital problems.
Often, couples think discussing problems will lead to fighting.
Therefore, they choose to ignore relationship problems and pretend they don’t exist.
On the other hand, issues that escalate out of control lead to nasty words, threats, and painful statements that take immense healing work.
If you can’t find ways to protect the marriage from repeated high escalation, it will continue to deplete your love tanks.
We advise you to learn to pause, take a break, and return to the issue when you are calmer.
15 signs your marriage will end in divorce #9: Unhealed wounds
I often tell couples that bringing up issues that happened in the distant past can be detrimental to their marriage.
Re-hashing your spouse’s past mistakes can make them feel like you are keeping score or holding grudges.
Conversely, if you don’t take the time to address problems as they arise, you can do just as much damage.
The pain can never heal until you address the problem together.
For example, one or both of you may need to explain why you feel hurt.
Additionally, explain why you did or said some of the things you did.
Lastly, one or both of you will need to take responsibility and apologize for your part in the conflict.
Unfortunately, unaddressed issues and old hurts don’t go away.
They can spiral out of control. Discussing problems is one key to making a marriage work.
If things get heated, take a pause. Return later and actively work to heal those wounds and reconnect.
15 signs your marriage will end in divorce #10: Broken trust
Trust is shaken when there is betrayal, such as infidelity, lying, or secrecy.
Furthermore, if a couple does not seek couples therapy and work on restoring this trust, it could lead to fatal wounds in their marriage.
Marriages cannot survive if one or both spouses have lost trust in the other.
15 signs your marriage will end in divorce #11: Lack of respect
Mutual respect is an essential ingredient for a healthy marriage.
If you lose respect for your spouse, you may want to consult a relationship expert.
With guidance, explore where the lack of respect is coming from.
A lack of respect can lead you to feel minimized or even worthless.
Inevitably, a lack of respect will lead to a loss of love and the end of the marriage.
15 signs your marriage will end in divorce #12: Relationship problems affect your mental health
If problems between you and your spouse are leading to mental health issues such as anxiety or depression, you are going down a bleak path.
Once your relationship affects your mental health, you may have passed the point of no return.
Likewise, if you’re having negative thoughts about yourself and your self-esteem is suffering, this is a sign something critical is wrong between you and your spouse.
As you review the above signs that your marriage will end in divorce, you may ask the following question.
Should I get a divorce?
Dr. John Gottman is a renowned psychologist who has spent years researching marriage and divorce.
According to Dr. Gottman, 3 crucial predictors of divorce are turning away (instead of towards), inability to resolve conflict, and lack of friendship.
15 signs your marriage will end in divorce #13: Turning away, not towards
When resentment and anger build, couples begin to build walls.
The intimacy, connection, and space to talk go away.
Take this to its conclusion, and you get couples who are constantly angry, stop talking, stop touching, and eventually divorce.
If you are separated, there are signs separation will end in a permanent split, such as a lack of willingness to work on the marriage.
If you have signs of a failing marriage, a mental health professional or family therapist could help you navigate the muddy waters.
To turn your marriage around, find ways to create space to be together, talk, and mend old wounds.
In our experience, couples coaching can speed up the process and get couples out of this troubled zone.
In sessions, I hear couples say things like
- “We avoid each other.”
- “Talking about issues doesn’t work, so we just don’t talk.”
- “Time together is minimal so that we can avoid conflict.”
- “We shut down and don’t bring things up anymore.”
These are all statements that indicate a marriage is in trouble.
Does that mean it’s the end of your love story?
No, but it’s time to get professional support to build bridges and communication skills.
15 signs your marriage will end in divorce #14: Inability to resolve conflict
Arguing is a part of communication between spouses.
It’s not the arguing that is a problem but the inability to resolve conflicts in a healthy way.
Couples who cannot work through conflicts and turn arguments into positive, productive communication are less likely to stay together.
Conflict is normal, but when issues stick around indefinitely, and neither of you feels capable of broaching the topic and finding a middle ground – take it as a red flag.
And it’s time to get help.
15 signs your marriage will end in divorce #15: Lack of friendship
Many people know that being friends first can make for satisfying relationships.
Therefore, those couples who cannot maintain a healthy friendship typically have trouble making their relationships work.
Great couples have great friendships.
Gottman’s research found that one of the biggest keys to a successful marriage is a healthy friendship.
Spending time with each other, feeling safe to share your feelings, and looking forward to seeing one another are positive indicators of a good friendship.
Marriages need this, too.
One way to rebuild your friendship is through our Intimacy Game.
My marriage is ending; what do I do?
If you are concerned that your marriage is going into divorce land, don’t get a family law attorney involved yet.
Before you decide to divorce, we highly encourage you to reach out to us.
“When marriages fail, it is not increasing conflict that is the cause. It is decreasing affection and emotional responsiveness.”
Dr. Susan Johnson
You likely feel concerned and worried; don’t let these feelings fester and grow.
Instead, get support.
We’re here to help with the Save Your Marriage Course.
This insightful article indicates a marriage heading toward divorce, emphasizing the importance of emotional and physical intimacy, addressing issues, and seeking professional help. It offers practical advice for couples navigating challenges, making it a valuable read for those evaluating the health of their relationships.