Have you been wondering how to save your marriage when you feel hopeless? It’s a common question that many couples I work with have. Perhaps you feel that you have a loveless marriage or are going in circles with your partner and can’t reach a resolution.
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How to Save Your Marriage From Divorce
Saving a marriage takes work. There’s no doubt about that. This article summarizes the top steps to avoid divorce as outlined in my best-selling Save Your Marriage Workbook.
For those who feel at their breaking point, these tips can strengthen your marriage. If you’re worried about how to save your marriage when you feel hopeless, consider the following.Â
8 Steps For How To Save Your Marriage When You Feel Hopeless
Here is an overview of how to save your marriage when you feel hopeless.
1. Acknowledge There’s a Problem
You may have heard the popular saying, “The first step to fixing a problem is recognizing that there is one.” Even if it sounds cliche, it’s true.
Behaviors and patterns such as threats, consistent escalations, and difficulty connecting can destroy marriages. Therefore, noticing these patterns takes a lot of inner strength. Even if you feel like you’re falling apart, being able to put a name to your struggle gives you the key to start healing.
2. Create Emotional Safety
Create emotional safety in your relationship by talking about difficult topics when you feel calm and open to working through problems. In other words, approach challenging subjects when you’re inside your window of tolerance.
During stressful arguments or conversations, couples often enter the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn defense responses. A dysregulated nervous system causes these responses.
The window of tolerance is a nervous system response that allows you to de-escalate. Being in your window of tolerance allows you to resolve conflict in a healthy and loving way. If your nervous system is on high alert, take some space and reconvene once you’ve calmed down and feel safe.
In this video, I share how to create more emotional safety in your relationship.
3. Master Marriage Communication
Effective marriage communication is essential for learning how to save your marriage when you feel hopeless.
One way to best work on marriage communication is by practicing active listening. While one spouse speaks, the other actively listens and ignores urges to jump into the conversation with their opinions or feelings.
After the first spouse speaks, the other person then validates their experience with statements such as “it makes sense that you feel this way.” They will then repeat what they heard back to ensure they understood correctly.
After this, it’s the other person’s turn to talk. However, it’s essential to ensure the first person feels heard and understood before moving on. After you both express your feelings, come up with solutions together.
4. Heal Past Hurts: How To Save Your Marriage When You Feel Hopeless
Many couples have difficult pasts together. However, these pasts can only hurt us in the present if you don’t address them. Therefore, learning new ways to mend past hurts in your relationship is essential.
One way to repair the damage is by owning up to your own part in the hurt in your marriage. Apologize sincerely. Make a promise or a commitment to work on yourself and your behavior. Most importantly, validate the hurt your spouse feels.
You can validate your spouse with statements such as:
- “I understand why this hurts you.”
- “It makes sense that you felt scared when I raised my voice.”
- “It wasn’t okay for me to slam the door when I was angry, and it makes sense for you to feel uneasy around me now.”
Validate your feelings as well by internally understanding why you have specific emotional reactions during arguments.
5. Practice Rituals for Increased Positive Connection
Finding ways to bring a spark and passion back to your relationship can improve emotional connection and solve specific relationship problems. This connection is essential when considering how to save your marriage when you feel hopeless. Try thinking of some fun and creative date ideas, and go on a date weekly!
6. Set Marriage Goals to Strengthen Your Relationship
You and your spouse deserve to see real, lasting change. That’s why it’s important to set ambitious goals together. Staying positive is essential even if you think your goals aren’t realistic or there’s no hope.
It’s better to set the bar too high than miss an opportunity because you didn’t try. Marriage goals can be anything from reducing fights to increasing closeness in a certain amount of time.
7. Deepen Intimacy
One of the most critical keys to a successful marriage is intimacy.
Deepening intimacy doesn’t just mean being “more physical” or intense with one another. It means understanding each other’s love languages. It also means committing to rekindling romance.
Rekindling romance can mean dressing up for a simple night out. Or, it could mean playing your spouse’s favorite song and dancing together after dinner. It should be a break in routine and something that brings back the spark you had when you met.
Related Reading: My Wife Loves Me But Doesn’t Desire Me
8. Get Relationship Support
Finally, know that it’s okay to need support.
As a relationship coach and researcher, I’ve seen couples from every walk of life become closer using these tips on saving your marriage when you feel hopeless.
They did this simply by taking the first step in moving forward and asking for professional marriage counseling help.
All they needed was a push in the right direction. Something as simple as the Save Your Marriage Course could be the secret ingredient you’re looking for.
How To Save a Marriage When Only One is Trying?
You may wonder how to save your marriage when you feel hopeless, and only one person in the relationship is trying. It may seem that your spouse doesn’t care or doesn’t want to try. However, they may be trying to deal with the stress of the relationship by blocking it out or internalizing it. Try to see your spouse as someone who is doing their best and doesn’t want to hurt you. You’re working with them, not against them.Â
Remember, you can’t assume that their actions mean anything. It’s better to assume the best in someone and ask clarifying and specific questions when unsure. Of course, if your spouse has told you they think they’re not doing anything wrong, they may feel attacked or defensive.Â
Surprisingly, apologizing for your wrongdoings in the relationship and being vulnerable with your partner is a great way to encourage them to do the same. So if they apologize and open up to you, respond with gentleness, so they’re encouraged to open up more.
Is My Marriage Worth Saving?
Knowing whether your marriage is worth saving is a personal and challenging decision. Truthfully, only you and your spouse can come to the answer for this. Anyone can save their marriage as long as they have love for each other, a desire and follow-through to change, the willingness to try and, the willingness to own up to your shortcomings individually and together.
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Do you wish to be right, or do you wish to be married?
We often get caught up in the battle to be heard that we don’t realize it’s hurting our marriage. That’s why it’s time to make a change. It means understanding that your love for each other is more important than small battles for power.
To start improving your relationship, we recommend these marriage books to turn things around.
If you’re ready, it takes just one step to change everything.
To get all the steps, worksheets, and exercises outlined here, pick up the Save Your Marriage workbook today. Finally, have the marriage you’re both looking for.
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