Are you asking yourself, “I hurt someone I love how do I fix it?”
You fix any relationship. If you’ve hurt someone and want to fix things, this is how you do it.
Tell the person you hurt that you own the pain you caused.
Responsibility is the salve every broken relationship needs.
Take responsibility. Let the person know how you hurt them. Own your side of things.
Maybe you’d like to blame other people. All of us usually want to blame others. But unfortunately, nothing happens with everyone blaming and wishing the other person would apologize.
When you know you hurt someone, being the first person to apologize first sets the mending of wounds into motion.
Waiting won’t fix anything. Only taking action will fix things.
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Your Gut Reaction To Wait Or Blame Hurts Things More
In my relationships, my gut reaction is to say:
“My friend did that. That is why we’re having problems. If only she would apologize and see what she did.”
Sadly, that doesn’t happen.
Waiting for that to happen makes the pain stay, linger, and last longer than needed.
Like me, my wife sees how I made things worse with my anger, reactions, and lack of listening. Most of us can see how others wronged us; in turn, we struggle to see how we made things worse.
This desire to have the other person come to us with an apology leaves us stuck. This compulsion to wait until the other person admits they messed up makes the pain stick around like a bad smell. If we want closeness and connection, waiting for others to admit their errors makes the pain stick around.
Related Article: Disappointed When Someone You Love Hurts You
“I Hurt Someone I Love, How Do I Fix It?” You have to ask the right question.
In intimate relationships, it leaves couples and everyone stuck in limbo. Waiting for the other person to take the first step can end friendships. Waiting for someone to admit they’ve wronged you is a good way to stay angry and disconnected.
With waiting, no one wins. Instead, we stay stuck in a stalemate. She wants me to see where I went wrong and listen to her, and I want her to listen to me. We are both closed fists wishing the other person would come and unclench us.
The waiting game two angry people play makes things worse. If you want to fix the hurt you caused, you must choose a different game, and that’s taking responsibility.
The question is:
Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?
Waiting for the other person leaves you stuck. It’s a place where solutions and intimacy cannot exist.
If you’re wondering, ‘how do you fix a relationship after saying hurtful things?’ there is only one solution.
Taking Responsibility First Helps Healing Happen Faster
Take responsibility.
It doesn’t take much looking to find:
“I did something to cause this problem. Here is how I made things worse. Here is how I contribute to the problem.”
If you do a bit of digging, you’ll likely find how you contributed to the issue. Maybe it’s not all your fault, it hardly ever is, but that doesn’t mean you are exempt from somehow making things worse.
Do a little digging, and you’ll find:
“I didn’t listen. I reacted. And I said a hurtful thing. I didn’t give space for my partner.”
A lack of willingness to repair is one of the warning signs of divorce.
“I Hurt Someone I Love How Do I Fix It?” Take Ownership.
If you have questions like “I hurt my boyfriend emotionally, how do I fix it?’ or ‘I hurt my wife emotionally, how do I fix it?’, know that there is hope for healing.
In any dance, there are always two people. And when you look, you’ll find the music stopped because you stopped taking ownership. The music and the dance stopped because you wanted to blame the whole thing on your spouse, friend, or someone else. We suffer more when we blame, making it harder for others to accept us back into their hearts.
A good dance only works when both people willingly participate. And the music can begin again when you say:
“I made a mistake. So here’s how I made our issue get where it is.”
It’s a scary thing to do this. To find your part in the dance. But dancing is also beautiful. That music is where your love sits, that music is what made you dance to the song of love, and now, responsibility is the only way to get back into that two-step with your partner.
Are you invested in the dance, or would you rather be right?
Would you rather be right or be in love?
How To Apologize So They’ll Forgive You
If you are thinking, “I hurt his feelings, how do I fix it?” do this:
Please share with the person you hurt that you know you hurt them and how you hurt them.
Don’t just say you’re sorry. That kind of apology is cheap. It doesn’t cost you much thought or consideration, and no one likes cheap gifts.
The best apology is one where you take responsibility.
“I’m sorry for not listening to you.”
That kind of apology has more value. It takes a bit more thought and costs more to your ego, but it has more value. It works faster and better.
Just a moment or two, and you can find:
“I am responsible for this fight too. I, too, contributed. Here is how I did that.”
Find something, look just a bit, and you can always find that every problem you ever had with anyone has one thing in common: you were there. And that means you were somehow a participant.
If you hurt someone and want to fix it, look for how you participated in causing the hurt.
“I Hurt Someone I Love How Do I Fix It?” Look At How You Participated.
Maybe you turned away while your partner spoke. Maybe you shut down. Or maybe you didn’t take an interest when your partner needed you to invest. Maybe you stopped listening.
Maybe you said something hurtful. Or maybe you broke their trust and didn’t do what you said you would do. Maybe you were inconsiderate.
When you apologize, be precise. Then, like a writer who paints a picture with words, paint a picture of how you made the issue get to where it ended.
Starting with one specific thing allows you to go beyond the shallow apologies that most people give.
How To Take Responsibility, So Forgiveness Is Easily Given
You can say something like this:
“I didn’t listen to what you had to say. I’m sorry.”
That is an apology that most people can’t turn away from.
When you start small, you’ll find it’s easy to find the next step.
Even after working with 500 married couples, I find that this recipe works with all couples. Old, young, small, big, rich, poor, right-wing, left-wing, religious. This recipe always works the same.
When someone takes responsibility, relationships heal.
Here’s how I might apologize after my wife and I have fought.
At first, I may only see that she didn’t listen and turned away from me. At first, despite a thousand tries, I can still react to the untruth that it is all her fault and she must make amends with me. But then, like a whisper, I am called back to this truth:
If there is a problem, and I am there, I must somehow be a part of it. So, I stop, look, choose love, and see that if I take responsibility, she and I can have the love back.
Maybe I yelled, didn’t listen to her, ignored her somehow, disregarded her views, and didn’t give her enough light to share. But, if I look and see, I always find something.
Related Reading: When You Hurt Someone You Love
A small nugget is all it usually takes. Then I go to her and say:
“Honey. I am sorry I yelled at you. I know I overreacted. You don’t deserve that. And I know when I yell. It’s scary for you. You don’t deserve to be yelled at. I know you just wanted to talk about why I didn’t fulfill a promise, and I got defensive and didn’t give you space to share.”
That’s an apology that always opens her. It always begins the mending process.
If I had yelled at you, would you hear those words and be open to forgiving me?
If you heard me acknowledge what I did like that to you, would you be more apt to forgive me?
Sometimes it feels like it costs me a lot to find where I went wrong. My ego doesn’t like it. But my wife’s heart loves it, and nearly every single time, she responds in kind. She reflects on how she made an error, and we both apologize.
All it takes is one person to admit they’re wrong to fix an issue.
In relationships, responsibility works wonders.
Give it a try. It’s the best way to fix things when you’ve hurt someone you love.
Do you want help recovering in your relationship? Get your copy of the Save Your Marriage Workbook.
How do you apologize for hurting someone?
“I am sorry I didn’t listen to you. I am sorry I didn’t fulfill my promise, and I know that hurt you.”
That apology goes beyond the surface. That kind of apology is the warm water that no hardened heart can resist. If there are two kinds of apologies, one is cheap, and one isn’t – it’s the one that admits in specifics that it is truly worthy. The kind of apology that takes responsibility costs us a bit of our ego and extends the olive branch.
If you know that you didn’t listen, say it. If you know you disregarded your partner’s feelings, say it. Or if you know that you spoke loudly and frightened your friend, say it. You know yourself well enough to know what you did. Maybe only a part of the issue was caused by you. Maybe you only know a part of what you did. That’s fine. Start with what you’ve got. Melting ice doesn’t take much, just a soft pour of lukewarm water, and ice gently softens. It only takes a little bit to begin the process of thawing ice, so it is with your apology.
How to repair a relationship after hurting someone?
If you’re wondering how to win someone back after hurting them, know that the process takes time. It takes consistent effort to rebuild trust and repair a relationship after causing hurt. Understand that the person you hurt might need time to heal and rebuild trust. Another important aspect of repairing a relationship is giving someone space after you hurt them. Offer reassurance that you value the relationship and are committed to rebuilding trust. Let them know that you are willing to put in the effort required.
How to prove your love to someone you hurt?
Show your love and care through small gestures and acts of kindness. Rebuilding a relationship involves nurturing positive interactions. Ask them how they want to be loved and shown affection, and prove that you can follow through on their requests. Over time, show through your actions that you are making the changes you promised. Consistency is crucial to rebuilding trust.
How to make things right with someone?
If you’re wondering how to reconnect with someone you hurt, be patient. Healing takes time, and the hurt person may need time to forgive and rebuild their emotional well-being. Use the experience as an opportunity to learn and grow. Reflect on what you have learned and how you can avoid similar mistakes in the future.
I cheated on my boyfriend I didn’t have sex with anyone or message anyone but I did exchange numbers with someone my boyfriend found out through my best friend and now he doesn’t want to talk to me. How can I fix it I write him and apology letter I admitted what I did I take full responsibility.