How To Be A Better Husband In 7 Steps

If you want to know how to be a better husband, you’re already one step closer. But, first, just coming to this article shows you have the most crucial piece to becoming a better spouse. At least you have the desire. 

By taking regular action on the principles and actions outlined here, you’ll create more attraction, connection, and respect in your relationship. 

Being a good husband isn’t typically a quick fix. Unfortunately, it’s common for different viewpoints and disagreements to cause distance in relationships. And it can take a while to feel like you’re on the same page as your wife again.

However, we suggest you start by taking one simple action today.

How To Be A Better Husband

First, to help you dive in, let’s look at a quick ‘cheat sheet’ of how to be a better husband. Then, we’ll also dive into the essential steps in greater detail. 

1. Cultivate Gratitude

Firstly, increase words of praise and compliments, and let your spouse know you appreciate her. Gratitude can counteract negative feelings and build respect.

2. Start a habit of date nights

Secondly, schedule special outings. Dinner dates, comedy shows, movie dates, or try something new and adventurous.

3. Increase touch, massage, and non-sexual touch

Thirdly, studies show that touch, hugs, and physical connection helps soothe. So, try adding a more non-sexual touch to your marriage. 

4. Listen without trying to solve her problems

Fourthly, most men try to solve issues. Try listening, asking questions, and just being curious. Don’t offer advice unless asked. 

5. Do more around the home

The modern woman is overworked. Couples tend to fight about chores more than anything else. Take up some chores and watch her feel more connected, understood, and turned on. 

6. Ask your partner what is needed

Next, asking your spouse what she needs is an easy and effective way to be a better husband. Take the guesswork out of the equation. Let her tell you. 

7. Use Gentle Start-Ups To Bring Up Issues

Finally, studies show how we bring up an issue helps determine the outcome. Even great husbands have upsets and frustrations with their partners. Learning how to bring up your hurts gently makes a world of difference. 

That’s a quick review, but let’s go deeper into the key points. Let’s dive in! 

Cultivate Gratitude, Share It, And Try This 

Learning how to be a better husband takes work. A good marriage requires patience, understanding, trust, and vulnerability. 

Becoming a better husband starts with making yourself and your wife happy. 

For couples in a slump, the antidote begins with shifting the energy, creating more positive, happy, and enjoyable interactions.

Appreciation is a powerful antidote to relationship slumps. And when combined with repair work, appreciation also helps couples recover after fights, broken trust, low self esteem, and loss of connection. 

Take a step today to create more appreciation.

For example, tell your wife one thing that you value. In essence, let her know how she has a positive impact on your life. 

Let her know how attractive you think she is by complimenting her on specific things you like about her physical appearance. When you admire the little things, it helps your wife know you’re paying attention.

Giving and getting verbal appreciation can shift relationship dynamics fast. Even unhealthy or toxic relationships can be transformed with simple acts of thanking, acknowledging, and letting your partner know that you value them. 

Making your wife feel special can cause you to feel the same way. This is because she wants to matter just like you.

Appreciate your wife more – action steps

People want to be understood and shown that they are valued. Understanding and showing that you value your wife is core to how to be a better husband. In other words, it’ll work magic for your relationship.

• Pull out your phone, and send positive text messages to your wife. 
• Get a post-it note and write a sweet message. Then, tape it to the mirror for your partner to find randomly. 
• Call your spouse and express appreciation for how she improves your life.
• Play the Appreciation Game

Schedule Dates & Special Outings 

Most of us value quality time with our loved ones. 

If appreciation is the antidote to relationship slumps, date nights are the healing balm for disconnection. Like a daily vitamin, ensure your relationship has regular dates.

There are two types of dates

1. First, casual weekly outings. Let’s call them “regular dates.” 
2. Second, fancy, all-out, more involved date outings. Let’s call these “big gesture dates.” 

To be a better husband, you’d do well to plan both types of dates. Regular dates keep the love-tank full, and the big gesture dates change the oil. So they’re both important but at different frequencies. 

How to have regular date nights 

Introduce date nights to your calendar and be consistent. Also, know that it doesn’t have to take much effort. For example, a date night could be as simple as taking long walks in the park or having dinner.

Get into the habit of making time with your partner. For married couples and new parents, this is especially important. In fact, nothing breeds distance, kills intimacy, and destroys connection like a lack of special shared moments. 

The goal of regular date nights is to create frequent time together. Undoubtedly, with the kids, work, family, and everything else…it’s easy to forget to make time with our partner. However, the best husbands prioritize their relationship.  

For example, regular dates can be a planned walk, going out to dinner, or dancing. Most importantly, these kinds of outings help you spend quality time together.

The Date Night Workbook offers a long list of fun and creative date night ideas. Pick up your copy.

Importantly, date nights are for just the two of you, not the rest of the family, and are essential in married life.

Think simple but more unique to make regular dates fun than just an average weeknight. For example, in my marriage, we like going to comedy shows, trying a new dinner spot, playing a game at home, or planning a movie night. 

You can make regular date nights simple but plan them and make them happen weekly.

Big gesture dates 

I bet if you and your wife had a conversation taking you through memory lane of the past, you’d reflect on how fun your relationship was in the beginning.

But maybe life threw you some crazy curveballs, and now you barely spend time together as friends. So maybe those first date experiences have faded with the monotony of life.

It makes sense if it’s challenging to find meaningful connection, fun, and time to give each other undivided attention.

A big gesture date requires more than a ‘regular date.’ It’ll demand more thought, time, and resources. But it’ll also help ooze your partner back into that beautiful feeling of being loved. 

Some big gesture dates Ideas

• A camping trip
• Traveling trip abroad (without the rest of your family)
• Going to a special dress-up restaurant
• An impromptu surprise trip
• Taking a marriage workshop
• A weekend get-a-way
• Taking a dance class
• Going to an art class together

When you schedule new and novel outings, you win big points. When you take time to plan and execute something that takes thought and consideration, it shows your partner you love them. 

Actions steps: 

First, ask your partner out for dinner. Find a new place you haven’t taken her. 

Further, look at realistic ways to try new and novel outings, and schedule them.

Touch More Often 

It’s no secret that touch helps us feel happier, live longer, and feel more connected. 

In many sessions, countless women have told me they want more physical and emotional intimacy and warmth from their spouses. 

One way to meet this need is to touch your wife more often. Simple hugs, hand holds, snuggles, and kisses will do the trick. 

It’s sad to say this, but many men are out of touch regarding physical connection. Many marriages are full of couples who are touch deprived, and often it’s because married men don’t reach out and make physical contact.  

Incorporate more non-sexual touch such as hugs, kisses, caresses, and moments where you connect without expectation of intercourse. 

Benefits of touch

• Touch creates deeper trust among friends, couples, and business associates (Dacher Keltner, Ph.D.). 
• Physical contact increases oxytocin and serotonin levels (Dr. Paul J. Zak).
• Men who get more touch live longer and are healthier (The Moral Molecule).
• Touch eases migraines, asthma, and physical pains (WebMD Cited Studies). 
• Improves a person’s sleep (Henning Johannes Drews, MD).
• Enhances feelings of emotional safety and connection and elevates compassion (UC Berkely Research). 
• Lowers blood pressure (2004, University of North Carolina).
• Touch helps doctors and patients connect, supports the elderly in homes to be healthier, and enhances recovery after accidents. 

Bring more non-sexual touch into your relationship. Your partner will love it, and you’ll feel like a good husband. 

Ways to bring more touch into your marriage

• Kiss in the morning. 
• Try a two-breath hug. While hugging, take two deep breaths with your partner. 
• Hold hands more often. 
• Spoon and snuggle regularly without trying to make sex happen. 
• Surprise your partner with a random back, neck, or foot massage. 
• When you watch tv together, get close enough to be touching. 
• Plan an evening where you and your spouse give each other massages (we recommend using lotion or oil like coconut oil which is inexpensive).

Listen Without Trying To Solve Her Problems 

Many men struggle to listen without engaging their “solve it” mentality. 

As men, it’s normal to want to solve issues. It’s how men are wired. Research clearly shows that men listen to solve problems, and women listen to connect emotionally.

When your wife complains or talks about a problem, listen and try to pick out what she’s feeling. Fight the urge to give solutions or strategies to fix. 

Emotionally listening puts your focus on her

How is she breathing, talking, and moving?

What’s the feeling she’s likely having at the moment she’s sharing?

Firstly, connect with that. Secondly, you can simply state what you’re noticing and ask questions. Finally, don’t try to fix it. 

Let me give you an example to help you respond:

“Honey, it looks like you’re feeling stressed. I noticed you’re getting amped up. This must be making you anxious and uneasy. Is that true?” 

Now, notice the emotions. Next, ask one to two simple questions. That’s it. 

Listening to your wife can help her feel cared for. But, when it comes to being a better husband, the feelings of being seen and heard are more important than having someone solve issues. 

Do More Around The House 

Couples fight about three things more than anything else. 

1. Money 
2. Sex
3. Division of chores and tasks in the home. 

The top two issues are usually communication and time. The third issue is typically about what is being done and by who. Unfortunetly, many women report that they feel upset by the imbalance of housework they do. 

To be a good husband, try this simple tip. First, take more time to do things around your home. For example, adding ten to fifteen minutes daily to do a little extra around the house will mean a lot to your person. 

In addition to becoming a better husband, helping around the home has been shown to stimulate more sexual intimacy. In addition, many findings have shown that when husbands help around the home, wives are happier and more at ease. 

Take up a chore or two that generally your wife does. 

Unsure of what you can do to be more helpful around the home? 

A few ideas to make you a better husband around the home 

• Do the dishes 
• Take out the trash and recycling 
• Fold the laundry 
• Pick up a mess that your wife usually does 
• Put the kids closes away
• Sweep
• Go grocery shopping 
• Pay some late bills
• Fix that thing she’s been asking you to
• Call one of those 800 numbers that need your attention 
• Spend time with the kids and tell your wife to go relax 
• Cook one of the meals for the house this week 

This is just a starter list, but if you check one off a few times a week, you’ll act more like a good husband. 

Ask Her What She Needs 

Most importantly, a good husband is attentive, caring, and thoughtful. 

We all love a partner who checks in with us, listens, and asks us about our desires. So take more time to check in, and ask your person what she needs. 

This tip is straightforward, so let’s consider some actions you can take. 

You can be a good husband by asking questions such as 

• What is something you’d like me to do? 
• How could I help you get more of what you need? 
• In what way do you need me to show up more often? 
• What’s something you want right now? 
• How can I support you in getting more relaxation? 
• If you could have one of your needs met by me this week, what would that be? 

Indeed, these are just some ideas. Moreover, the questions are designed to help you engage your spouse.

When your spouse tells you what she needs, listen. A small step to meet her desire will help you become a better husband. 

Be emotionally available

In any marriage, the default status quo is that women handle all the emotional labor. 

For example, most women tend to take care of the emotional needs of kids. Further, if a man doesn’t emotionally express himself, women can take on his feelings and shoulder too much.

Have Better Communication

Many relationship issues stem from ineffective and improper communication. Being a good husband means being willing to talk and being vulnerable to your feelings. 

Maybe trying to talk to your wife feels like too much mental work? But keeping issues to yourself can cause your beautiful marriage to implode.

Instead, build an environment of trust, so you can work through solutions without compromising love. 

If your wife is angry, be as calm as possible when responding. Additionally, if your wife yells, feeling overwhelmed or like she’s shouldering too much emotion can be a determining factor.

However, what she may be asking for beneath the resentment is more help, understanding, or alone time.

However, don’t assume. Ask your wife what’s the matter. Having a loving conversation can make a world of difference and show your wife that you’re willing to put in the effort.

Practice active listening  

Naturally, men are more inclined to want to solve problems rather than listen to details. However, most women want space to explore what they’re feeling. So, being an active listener allows her room to discover her own answers.

Being an active listener can help her sort through and give order to her thoughts. For example, listen actively and empathize with what she is sharing. The aim here is to show your person you understand.

To sum up, let your spouse feel whatever they are experiencing, moment to moment, without trying to fix or change her.

Learn your spouse’s apology language

What’s your apology language? Like a love language, a person’s apology language is how they prefer receiving apologies.

For example, knowing your wife’s apology language can help you have conflict resolution faster.

If you’re unsure how your spouse likes receiving apologies, talk about it. In other words, your best chance of mending disagreements is to find out how your wife likes to receive apologies.

Considering a relationship therapist or family therapist?

If you’re looking for a relationship therapist or family therapist to help you rebuild respect and resolve issues from the past, consider online marriage counseling.

How to Be a Better Husband and Lover

You can do many things to be a better husband and lover. Pay attention to your wife’s needs, and ensure she’s enjoying herself. Don’t be afraid to ask her what she likes.

One of the most important things is being present with your wife’s feelings, needs, and desires.

When you touch her, notice how she responds. For example, if she moves closer, deepens her breath, or makes pleasing sounds, there is a good chance she’s enjoying what you’re doing.

You and your wife should be best friends, but sometimes it can seem like there’s no more to your marriage than a friendship. 

Further, if you’re worried that your wife doesn’t desire you, it may be time to examine how to be a better lover.

The Journey To Being A Wonderful Husband

Be gentle with yourself in this process. Overall, make a concerted effort.

Regular and consistent action is how you become great at anything. In the words of Arthur Clarke,

“We always overestimate the change that will occur in the short term and underestimate the change that will occur in the long term.”

In short, if you take regular and consistent action, you will become the perfect husband to your partner. 

Return to this article or get the Save Your Marriage Workbook for guidance on having a happy marriage.