Relationship check-in questions are an opportunity for you and your partner to reconnect. With a relationship check in, you have a designated time to discuss the state of your relationship.
Setting aside time to talk each week or have a ask monthly relationship check in questions can help improve communication, fun, and connection between you. Also, these questions can help identify any potential issues before they become more significant relationship problems.
A relationship check in allows you to share more deeply and authentically with each other. You can use this activity to reflect on how you have been doing as individuals and within your relationship. Also, couple check in questions can help you feel like you’re on the same team and create a balanced relationship.
A couples check in allows you to discuss what’s happening day-to-day and get transparent about things that matter most.
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Why are couples so disconnected from each other?
There can be a lot of reasons why couples feel disconnected from each other. Sometimes, it might be because they’re not communicating effectively or sharing enough intimacy. In other cases, it might be because one or both partners withdraw emotionally or become distant. And couples in a long-distance relationship can have an especially challenging time connecting.
Many couples in a long-term relationship stop asking their partner questions. This is because they’ve been together so long that they assume they already know all there is to know about their person. But hobbies, interests, and feelings sometimes change without you knowing. If you feel disconnected from your partner, talk to them about it. Try to identify the reason for the disconnect with these relationship check-in questions.
Why do relationships become stagnant?
There are several reasons why relationships might become stagnant. These can include a lack of communication, a lack of common interests, or feeling like the relationship is too comfortable and unchallenging. If you and your partner feel like your relationship has become stagnant, set aside some time to ask the right questions. These check in questions can help revive your relationship.
How do you get on the same page as your spouse?
One way to get on the same page as your spouse is to have a regular relationship check-in. This can be a time for you to talk about things that you’re grateful for, things that you’ve been struggling with, and any other areas of concern. By communicating with each other in this way, you can work towards resolving minor issues before they become big problems and strengthen your marriage.
How do you get your partner to do a relationship check in with you?
Frame your relationship check-in ideas as an easy, low-pressure conversation to help put your person at ease so they’re receptive to the idea. Let the other party know you’d like to make time for a general relationship check-up to ensure you’re both happy and fulfilled in your marriage. If your partner is hesitant or unsure, start easy with a few weekly relationship checkin questions.
And whatever you do, avoid the dreaded “We need to talk” phrase – hearing those words makes someone think of the worst-case scenario. Instead, try keeping it as light as possible so they feel more comfortable opening up.
Asking questions can create a healthy relationship
Asking your partner questions can help you have a healthy relationship by providing a time for couples to focus on their relationship.
It can be easy to get sidetracked by the day-to-day tasks of life, but a relationship check-in (aka marriage meeting) can help keep your relationship at the forefront.
Additionally, a relationship check-in can help couples identify areas of concern they may be struggling with. By addressing these concerns, couples can work towards finding resolutions and developing healthier relationship dynamics.
Talking with your partner can help
- Identify areas of concern that you may be struggling with.
- Work towards finding resolutions and strengthening your relationships.
- Keep the relationship at the forefront.
- Explore what you’re grateful for.
- Discover what you’ve been struggling with and understand why you’re lashing out.
Related Reading: 50 Premarital Counseling Questions
Relationship check in questions create emotional intimacy
A relationship check in is a simple practice you can use to strengthen intimacy.
Intimacy is a feeling of connection and closeness. It’s the sense that you are deeply seen, known, and understood by another person without any reservations or fear about what they might think.
A marriage meeting can create vulnerability, empathy, and trust, thus improving emotional intimacy.
Check in on your sex life
Most couples may not talk about sexual intimacy in their relationship. However, talking about your sex life can make it better.
Opening up about your sexual needs and concerns about sexual desire is not always easy, but it can bring you and your partner closer.
For example, if you worry your wife or husband isn’t attracted to you, initiating an open conversation about it allows you to better understand what’s going on. From there, you can determine what you each need to feel connected, turned on, and sexually fulfilled.
Asking for what you want can help you both enjoy your experiences more.
Talk openly with your partner so you both enjoy yourselves in bed more.
How to have a successful relationship check in?
You want to check in with your partner, but where do you begin?
1. Set aside some time to focus solely on your relationship.
Set aside 30 minutes or so for a relationship update.
Having a time limit on the check in can help you and/or your partner relax, knowing that this conversation won’t drag on.
Talk about the state of your relationship. For example, discuss things you’re grateful for, things that you’ve been struggling with, and any other areas of concern.
2. Be present in your communication.
Make sure you’re somewhere you won’t be distracted by the day-to-day tasks of life. Let your partner know you are here to listen to them for this time together.
Silence your phone and turn off the TV so there is no device scanning if things get uncomfortable.
Make space for both partners to feel things as they arise.
3. Be curious and try to have fun.
Being curious about our partners can help us have better communication. When we’re curious, we’re more likely to be interested in what they have to say. This can help us pay more attention to them and listen to what they say.
In addition, being curious can help us understand our partners better. We may ask questions about their past, thoughts, feelings, and what makes them happy or sad. Relationship health check questions help build a stronger relationship by getting to know partners better.
4. Share without judgment.
Relationship check-in questions can help to get other conversations started, but it’s ultimately up to you and your partner to decide what topics you want to discuss.
Relationship check-ins should be a time for you to share your thoughts and feelings without judgment or criticism openly.
5. Talk when you’re fresh.
Avoid scheduling a relationship checkup after a long work day or before you have to rush out the door.
When you’re tired, you’re more likely to react emotionally and less likely to be able to think logically. Unfortunately, this can lead to saying things you don’t mean or communicating in a way that’s harmful to the relationship.
In addition, trying to have a difficult conversation when you’re exhausted can lead to one or both partners becoming overwhelmed and shutting down. This will only worsen the issue and potentially damage the relationship.
So bring your relationship check-in questions to your significant other when you’re both rested and within your window of tolerance.
6. Check in regularly.
Your body, teeth, and car need regular checkups, and so does your relationship. So try doing a regular relationship check in to keep your relationship healthy. Sometimes if you’re in the process of repairing, daily check-in questions for couples may help.
Also, if you talk regularly, things won’t build up, and it won’t feel like you’re in a storm of emotion every time you check in.
Further, by doing a relationship check in once a week, we can create space for emotions and our partners processing. Such processing can create more ease between you.
For a relationship check-in template with weekly, monthly, and yearly questions to discuss with your partner, pick up the Relationship Workbook.
Relationship check in questions to ask weekly
Consider setting up a weekly or bi-weekly schedule to talk about your relationship.
Here are some questions you can ask to help guide the conversation:
- How has your week been?
- What were some of the highlights and lowlights?
- What are you looking forward to in the coming week?
- Is there anything on your mind that you’d like to talk about?
- How do you feel about our relationship?
- Do you have any concerns or suggestions for how we can improve things between us?
- What did you appreciate about our relationship this week?
- Is there anything you felt was missing from our relationship this week?
- What can I do to support you?
- What do you need from me right now?
- Is there anything else you’d like to share?
Related Reading: Meaningful Conversation Starters For Couples
Deeper relationship check in questions for a long-term successful relationship
Deeper relationship check-ins can help you feel loved and have hope for your marriage future.
Exploring your marriage through a relationship check in can help you gain detailed information about what might be wrong and what good stuff is working. You can use this relationship check in list on date nights or as a relationship question of the day. These questions aim to build healthy relationships that can survive tough times.
These relationship questions can help partners reflect on their marriage.
Use these questions to initiate a weekly conversation or an end of year relationship check in.
- What are your thoughts on our sexual relationship?
- Is there anything you would like to try in our sex life?
- What are the needs unmet in our relationship?
- What are your fears in our relationship?
- Is there anything you’d like to change?
- Is there anything you miss about how I was on our first date or when I was a new partner?
- What are your hopes for us?
- Do you feel like we’re meeting our financial goals?
- How can I be a better team member?
- How much time would you like to spend alone, with friends and family, and together?
- Do you feel like we visit family too much or not enough?
- What would you like to create for our future?
- Do you think our goals for the future are aligned?
- What do you think needs to change to have the future we want?
Relationship monthly check-in questions
- Have you been feeling disconnected?
- What areas do you feel like we’re on the same page?
- What are some things that you feel grateful for in our relationship?
- What is something you would like to do to spend quality time together?
- What would help you feel comfortable talking with me?
- What are the underlying issues getting in the way of us being fully present with each other?
- Are you having fun in our relationship?
- What are some things that you’ve been struggling with recently?
- How do you feel about the way we communicate with each other?
- What do you love about our relationship?
- What’s been on your mind lately?
- What is something I do that helps you feel loved?
- Is there anything you’d like to see more or less of in our relationship?
- Do you feel good about our work life balance?
- Is there anything you desire in our relationship that you haven’t told me about?
- Do you feel like your needs are being met in our relationship?
- Do you think marriage counseling or seeing a family therapist would help us?
- What is one thing you’ve appreciated about our relationship lately?
- Do you feel like I’m meeting your needs?
- Do you think we have a good balance of time spent together and apart?
- What do you need more of from me?
- What do you need less of from me?
- What check in question would you like me to ask you?
Connect regularly with the Intimacy Game
Consider picking up the intimacy deck if you want a beautiful card game with relationship questions.
If you feel like your relationship has lost its fire, the Intimacy Deck may be able to reignite it. These simple and easy-to-use cards are great for reconnecting in new ways–whether you’ve been together 3 months or 30 years!
The Intimacy Deck helps bring old memories back and gives insight into what makes your partner tick.
The Intimacy Game is a great way to reignite your passion for each other. With the help of these cards, you can carry romantic relationship check in questions with you.
This game sparks intimate conversations that might take place over coffee, at home on lazy Saturday mornings, or on date nights.
What if talking brings up issues?
Sometimes, relationship check-ins bring up deeper issues in the relationship, such as:
- Patterns of lying
- Harmful behaviors that make you feel worthless
- Lack of sexual desire
- Feeling like your wife or husband isn’t attracted to you
- Your partner watching porn which deeply upsets you
- Your partner wants sex but not intimacy
- Your partner’s reluctance to propose
If you find that relationship check-ins are starting to feel like a chore, or if they’re causing more tension than they’re relieving, it might be a good idea to talk to a family therapist or marriage counselor who can help you and your partner work through any relationship issues.
Or, if you’re having difficulty communicating with your person, it might be a good idea to seek out professional help.
Feeling stuck? Get support.
Some of your check-in talks may be tough. However, the most important thing to remember is that you care about each other. Checking in is an excellent opportunity to rediscover what you love about each other.
If you’re finding it challenging to have a conversation, get support from a relationship coach. Online marriage counseling can help you get to know your partner again by giving you a safe space to communicate openly and honestly with each other.
Further, relationship coaches help you learn more about your partner’s needs and how to meet them. And finally, coaching can provide a neutral perspective that can help you see your marriage in a new light.
Book a complimentary couple’s consult.
We have been using some of the Check-in questions before seeing them here and they help our relationship immensely.
I intend to use several of the other questions I’ve seen here – I know they, too, will help as we continue to work on our 35-year relationship