Marriage intimacy exercises can help your relationship deepen.
Couples can use these exercises to achieve a deeper connection like a gymnast needs to train to become great.
As I tell my clients, you brush and floss daily if you want great teeth.
The same goes for your marriage.
A healthy and passionate marriage requires you to do certain things daily, monthly, and yearly.
I know you might be looking for intimacy-building activities that specifically speak to improving your sex life.
However, this article is much more holistic.
If we look at the meaning of intimacy, we know it means “a deep understanding, affectionate or loving relationship.”
Couples can only achieve this special state by feeling connected, understood, and having intimate knowledge of each other.
And they do this through regular relationship check-ins.
Without intimacy, a marriage can feel unfulfilling and empty.
If efforts are not made to improve intimacy, it’s a sign that your marriage will end in divorce.
Table of Contents
What intimacy-building activities will improve my marriage?
Intimacy begins with connection. If you’re wondering how to reconnect with your husband or wife, try one of these activities to rekindle a relationship:
- the two-breath hug
- the six-second kiss
- soul gaze
- active listening
- phone-free time
- going to bed at the same time
- date nights
- the appreciation game
Whether you’re looking to strengthen your connection or fix a broken relationship, these exercises will help.
My goal is to give you intimacy techniques that will lead you to feel special, connected, and in love.
If you have that, it will be much easier to move to exercises more targeted to reconnecting sexually with your spouse, igniting desire, and enhancing your sex life.
Without the pre-requisite emotions of feeling connected and appreciated, no amount of “sexual technique” will make you feel close.
If you would like to start rebuilding intimacy in marriage, try out these couples therapy intimacy activities.
For more support, contact a mental health professional like a marriage and family therapist or relationship coach who will lead you through couples therapy exercises to strengthen your relationship.
Related Articles: Signs My Husband Isn’t Attracted To Me & 11 Signs My Wife Is Not Attracted To Me
Quick and easy physical intimacy exercises for couples
Let’s explore a few relationship-strengthening exercises that enhance physical intimacy and rekindle sexual chemistry.
The two-breath hug
The two-breath hug is a good habit to master between couples.
Because it is quick and easy to do, it is best to try when your partner leaves or comes home from work.
Give each other a deep hug.
To do this, you only need to do two steps.
First, hug and hold each other as you would typically do.
Second, make sure to keep breathing deeply during the embrace.
As a result, you add an element of connection, even though this only takes a bit longer than the usual quick hello hug.
By enacting a special hug here and there, you communicate to your partner that you want to be connected.
Unlike that all-too-casual hug we do with strangers and acquaintances, the Two-Breath Hug puts a pause in the robotic mechanisms of everyday living.
Love requires us to be conscious.
This hug brings that pause and that special attention in a small yet significant way.
Now, do you want some proof that hugs help?
Hugging more often has wonderful benefits
One of the leading researchers on oxytocin, Dr. Paul J. Zak, shares that men and women need eight hugs a day to enhance health, longevity, and well-being.
All those wonderful benefits can be achieved just by hugging more often.
People with physical touch as their love language may find hugging particularly meaningful.
I hope you’re inspired to go hug now!
Now that we know that touch helps couples synchronize their emotional states (thus creating stronger emotional attunement), it only begs to reason that the Two-Breath Hug will create more emotional harmony in your relationship.
Now go hug — you have nothing to lose and everything to gain!
Check out my interview with Dr. Paul J. Zak on the benefits of hugging
The six-second kiss
Just like a handshake can become routine, so can hugs and kisses.
When routine takes over, and our relationship lacks that spark, the routine needs to be broken up.
Sure, it’s good to have some habits, but a connected marriage also requires us to shake things up occasionally.
If you’re wondering how to re-spark intimacy in your marriage, try the six-second kiss.
In short, the six-second kiss is holding your lips together a little longer, more passionately, and more presently once or twice a day.
This six-second kiss idea isn’t mine; it comes from my mentors, researchers, and relationship experts, Drs. John and Julie Gottman.
As they put it, a six-second kiss stops the routine and busyness of daily life.
This kiss creates a moment of connection that brings us together.
Without saying more, let me say that if the Gottmans suggest it, you need to add this to your marriage today!
Now go give your partner that special lip embrace.
Tell them with your kiss that they matter, that you love them, and that you still feel those “in-love” feelings.
If love is a verb, show the actions of your heart with a kiss.
To make this exercise a little more fun, try this kiss in the morning before work or when greeting at the end of the day.
Another idea is to kiss before bed or right before a meal.
These are just ideas to help you start a new ritual to add a little extra love to your marriage.
Yup, that’s right. This is my other favorite among all the intimacy practices for couples.
Soul gaze
Numerous peer-reviewed studies suggest that maintaining prolonged eye contact with your partner increases sex drive and intimacy.
To practice the soul gaze exercise, sit facing each other and look into your partner’s eyes.
Hold eye contact for approximately 4-5 minutes and avoid talking.
While it may feel awkward at first, try to take deep breaths and maintain eye contact throughout the connection exercise.
Soul gazing only takes a few minutes and can work wonders for deepening intimacy in your relationship.
Emotional intimacy exercises for couples to reconnect
To start improving emotional intimacy in your relationship, try these exercises.
Also, these exercises are helpful for rebuilding trust if it has been strained in your relationship.
Active listening exercise
Establishing healthy communication is one of the best ways to build intimacy.
To improve your marriage communication skills, you can try this couples therapy exercise.
Sit facing each other and have one partner vent about any topic of their choice, like frustrations with a friend, while the other partner actively listens without interrupting.
When you simply listen, it allows your partner an opportunity to feel heard and understood.
Then, switch roles and share with your partner while they practice uninterrupted listening.
30 minutes of no phone time together
Your phones are great tools.
However, I worry they’ve become a barrier to building emotional intimacy and connection.
At least once a week, I hear couples complain that:
- They fall asleep on opposite ends of the bed, staring at their phones
- Their partner looks at their phone while they are having a conversation
- It’s hard to have a complete, uninterrupted presence without the phone ringing
- They have become too accessible because of their phones
- It’s difficult to create intimacy because there are too many distractions
- Their partner wants sex but not intimacy
If you’ve had any of these relationship problems, I can recommend a good ritual to shift things.
Take time off from phones and focus on each other
Studies show that the average person looks at their phones 120+ times a day.
That is a lot of time spent spacing out, not paying attention, and turning away from each other.
Imagine what would happen if you decreased the distractions and spent quality time with one another.
By turning off your phones, you can improve your quality time together.
As a result, this will equal more enjoyment in each other’s presence and increased relationship satisfaction.
A few couples I know implemented a “no phone” policy during meals.
It’s such a small thing.
But, every single couple I know who tried this has improved their connection while decreasing complaints about feeling disconnected.
Try out this ritual at your next meal.
Trust me, this could be the one shift you need to feel closer and more connected.
Go to bed at the same time (and set your phones down)
I read an anecdotal study about couples’ sleeping positions.
While I typically cite only high-quality sources, I think we can still learn a lot about couples based on their rituals.
For example, whenever I meet a couple who says they end the day on their phones on opposite sides of the bed, I know they’ll soon share with me that they lack physical touch, sexual intimacy, and quality time together.
As one teacher once said to me:
“How you start the day and how you end the day makes all the difference.”
Use these intimacy ideas for married couples to start and end your day connected
When you end the day far apart, on your phones, and distant, what do you think the result will be?
On the flip side, what if you ended the day being appreciated and being touched with love?
You make time for physical touch and connection by going to bed together.
Of course, this can only happen if you also set your phones down.
This little moment before you close your eyes is an opportunity to hug, kiss, and briefly remind your partner how special it is to be together.
I have spoken to many busy parents who want more connection with their partners, yet they fall asleep on their king-sized mattresses, turned away from one another, while on their bright-screen smartphones, aimlessly scrolling Facebook.
If you want a connection, you need to make time for it.
Don’t wait for the connection to happen–make time for it in small ways each day.
Before going to bed, enjoy extended cuddle time with your partner.
Close physical contact spurs chemical reactions in the body that promote feelings of closeness and connection.
Your bedtime ritual is a powerful and easy way to let your partner know that they matter, you love them, and you love it when their warm body touches yours.
Give this a try, and let me know how good it feels to be touched more often.
Intimacy activities for couples: date nights
We meet many clients wondering how to rebuild an emotional connection in their marriage.
One of the couples therapy techniques we often start with is encouraging them to plan regular date nights.
Asking each other on dates
When you first dated, things were exciting.
Then you moved in, created a routine, became very familiar with each other, and things changed.
The monotony of their daily lives took over.
As Dr. Esther Perel says, “Home Inc. became the focus.”
Taking care of the house, the kids, the bills, and everything else took over, and romance likely completely left or became a dim light.
If you want to shift this lack of intimacy, it’s time to add a date night into your rituals.
Keeping that spark alive takes work and conscious effort.
Date nights help with this tremendously.
Let me take you down memory lane if you still need some convincing.
When you first fell in love, you made fun date night plans.
Those were the days, weren’t they?
Do you remember how great it felt to be asked out?
Of course you do.
Date nights are among the best connection exercises for couples
At some point, I have each client enact this ritual for bringing intimacy back into marriage.
And when they do this, they always report that it felt great to make that time together.
Here’s how to develop the dating ritual:
Look at your partner and say
“Honey, I’d like to take you on a date. What are you doing Friday night at 6 p.m.?”
Since you already know your partner’s schedule, it may seem silly to ask her out like this, but trust me, it makes her feel special.
Asking your partner out, as you did in the early days, revives those special feelings and infuses desire into your relationship.
Now, you might think, we already go out!
No!
Our goal here isn’t just to “go out” as we do with platonic friends.
Your goal here is to make your partner feel special, so it’s crucial you ASK your spouse out on a date.
By asking your other half out, you communicate to your partner that he is special.
You aren’t just randomly asking someone out here; you are consciously making plans.
As they say:
“What gets scheduled gets done.”
If you are wondering how to repair emotional intimacy, start by communicating with each other that you want to make time and connect; this is one way to throw gasoline on your fire.
Once your partner replies and you agree on a date/time, you have one more task.
It’s time to plan the date
To make that date special, you need to lead it. Plan something,
Start by brainstorming creative date ideas
What is something you’ve been wanting to try together?
If you’re struggling to come up with new and fun date ideas, we can help.
When you pick up the Date Night Workbook, you’ll always have 100+ creative date night ideas at your fingertips, ranging from at-home date ideas to unique outings and weekend getaways.
The key to planning dates isn’t extravagance, expense, or a super “out there” date idea. The essential ingredients are asking your partner out, leading and planning something, and following through.
One meaningful date idea is to recreate your first date.
If you haven’t planned a fun night for you and your partner in a long time, then this will definitely break up the routine (which studies show helps stimulate parts of the brain associated with those early “in-love feelings”).
Let us know in the comments: What are your favorite date night ideas?
Related Reading: How to Make My Husband Attracted To Me
Appreciation exercises for couples to build intimacy
One of the best communication activities for married couples is practicing expressing deep gratitude and appreciation for each other.
Start sending texts of appreciation
Healthy relationship dynamics involve regular expressions of appreciation and gratitude.
Just a little shift toward feeling more acknowledged, appreciated, and seen can work wonders.
All couples who work with me are given assignments to build upon their written communication skills.
Even if you are just passively reading this, I want to encourage you to try this marriage communication exercise.
Add more words of appreciation
Your partner cleaned the kitchen, paid some bills, fed the kids, went to work, and helped make your life better.
It’s all too easy to feel taken for granted, leading to fewer feelings of intimacy and connection.
We need to shift those “taken for granted” feelings. You can do this by following my advice.
If your partner makes a contribution, tell them.
One way you can inject more love is through texts of appreciation.
Maybe right now, most of your conversations and texts are about the kids, the house, the bills, and the plans.
Too much of that and both of you will forget you’re married and feel more like roommates or co-workers.
Before texting your appreciation, keep reading so I can teach you how to add some depth to your words.
Don’t just blast off a quick message that says:
“Thanks for cleaning today. It’s appreciated.”
Go a little deeper and tell your partner about the impact.
We can do this by adding why we appreciate what our partner did, and we can make it deeper by adding how that made our lives better/easier.
Since many of my clients often need some guidance here, let me give you an example
(I really want you to start taking action and practice connection exercises).
Couples intimacy exercises: expressing appreciation
(After you read them, tell me which you like better).
Compliment One:
Thanks for making my lunch today. It was great!
Compliment Two:
Thanks for making my lunch today.
It saved me time to have your amazing lunch and not have to figure out where or when I’d need to eat.
Having your lunch also saved me from eating poorly.
Your meal energized me, and I know it took you a little extra time to make that for me. Thank you.”
Which compliment is stronger and really allows appreciation to shine through?
Compliment two may seem silly, but trust me, it’s the difference between telling your wife the same old compliment or something that shows thoughtfulness.
Adding more moments of appreciation increases the love bank in the relationship.
With more positive sentiments flowing, the easier it is to feel connected, turned on, and excited to be together.
Now go send your partner a loving text!
Unique bonding exercises for couples
Are you looking to break out of your routine and try something new with your partner?
Take a class together
If novelty and dates help bring the spark back, taking new classes together is like gasoline!
Classes are great for so many reasons.
Aside from adding novelty and built-in date night outings, you also create accountability with a class.
Since my readers are from all over the world, I’ll give you tips for finding fun and new classes in your area.
- Check out Groupon
- Google “classes in my area”
- Look at events on Facebook
Search for things like:
- “Dance classes in my neighborhood”
- “Art classes in my area”
- “Martial art classes near me”
And lastly, ask your friends and family to get more ideas.
Now, go find some new experiences and reap the benefits!
Fun relationship exercises for couples to do at home
We now know that couples who do better at resolving issues all share this one trait:
They know one another on a very deep level.
The better couples know each other, the better they do during times of conflict.
When we know our partners deeply, it’s easier to see their sides of things, and it’s easier for them to see things from our perspective, too.
This, in turn, makes it easier to empathize, harder to react, and able to find harmony much more smoothly.
Play the couples game daily
If you reflect on when you first fell in love, you’ll likely recall how deeply interested your partner was in you.
That intrigue was so deep it’s likely you spent hours on the phone, wanting to know everything about each other.
Curiosity is the ingredient that pulls couples together and the glue that keeps them together.
Every happily married couple I have met says:
“Every day, there is something I can learn about my partner. I am always learning about my spouse.”
Deepen intimacy and learn more about your partner with our couples card games.
Intimacy building exercises suggestions
While we’ve covered a few intimacy activities for couples, this list is surely not comprehensive.
I’d like to make it longer.
This is where you come in.
Share your own couple intimacy exercises
I’d love to know what daily habits and rituals you have established in your own marriage.
Please tell me in the comments if any of these rituals interest you and if there are other rituals I should add to the list.
All of us need ideas and ways to stay connected.
Our relationship demands it.
To make this list stronger, I need your input.
For more intimacy exercises to bring you closer, join the Intimacy Workshop for Couples.
What is an intimacy exercise?
Intimacy exercises aim to strengthen emotional or physical closeness between two individuals. They are commonly used in counseling sessions to help couples enhance their relationship. Intimacy exercises may involve communication exercises, vulnerability, physical touch, trust-building activities, and expressing appreciation.
What are the 8 areas of intimacy?
There are eight different types of intimacy which are emotional intimacy, intellectual intimacy, physical intimacy, sexual intimacy, spiritual intimacy, experiential intimacy, recreational intimacy, and financial intimacy. Each of these areas holds varying levels of importance for different couples.
How do you know if you have intimacy with someone?
Intimate relationships are defined by mutual trust, vulnerability, understanding, and emotional support. You have an intimate relationship when you feel comfortable sharing your deepest thoughts and emotions and have faith that the other person will respond with non-judgmental support.
How do you get deep intimacy?
Building an intimate connection takes time. You can increase intimacy with your partner by communicating honestly, spending quality time together, showing physical affection, and expressing appreciation. Also, seeking the guidance of a marriage and family therapist or relationship coach will help you overcome obstacles to intimacy and strengthen your relationship.
Thank you for these great tips! My fiancé and I read through them together and have worked together to create a plan for how to use them.
This is very touching to read. We are delighted you found the advice supportive (and that you and your partner read them together). We’d also highly recommend our Intimacy Game (it’s one of our decks/games for couples). Of course you can also download the free version here: https://lastingloveconnection.com/25-date-night-questions/ Please let us know if there’s other resources or ways we can continue to support your journey.
I absolutely agree with all of these ideas! We also have scheduled “Us” nights where we put the kids to bed very early, leave the big dishes for tomorrow, and go on a “date” at home. Play a game, share a drink and talk, build a fun project, watch a show and cuddle. It really depends on our mood.
Oh! I love that! Yes! Schedule “Us” nights. Research even supports the importance of this for parents. By creating prioritized time for our relationship, we show our children what they can look for too – a partner who makes them priority. We can also recommend a fun game that is free on our website, here’s the link: https://lastingloveconnection.com/25-date-night-questions/ We recommend printing the page off and then playing the game that way (and you’re also welcome to explore our two decks that add new variety to that “Us” time). Along with that, one other tip is try scheduling new and novel activities together. It can be going to a new class, traveling, or even walking through the neighborhood through new areas you haven’t seen together. Thank you for sharing your tips and letting us know you enjoyed the article. It delights us to know the work we’re putting out has a positive impact on couples.