If you’re wondering, “What are the signs my wife isn’t attracted to me anymore?”
This article will help you spot the signs that your wife has lost her desire for you. Along with giving you signs, this article provides solutions to re-ignite that passion with your wife.
Since many reports show an ‘orgasm gap’ and ‘inequality gap’ for men and women in relationships, it’s vital to pay special attention to the solution sections of this article. While not always what men want to jump up and do, the tips can be the difference between a passionate union or a sexless marriage.
Table of Contents
A Warning Before You Read This
Relationship passion wanes, waxes, and fluctuates for many reasons.
A temporary fluctuation in the romance doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed, and it also doesn’t mean your partner isn’t into you.
The change in attraction, sexual frequency, touch, and intimacy could mean many things. Even healthy married couples experience a shift in sexual desire after marriage. Couples also experience fluctuations in desire before and after kids, during and after menopause, and throughout their time together.
Since relationship chemistry is complicated and impedes various factors – it’s best not to conclude that because a few signs below are present that your wife isn’t attracted to you.
If you’re thinking, ‘My wife loves me but is not sexually attracted to me’, talk to her about these concerns.
Warning signs of a troubled relationship
11 Signs My Wife Is Not Attracted To Me
There are some signs to look out for if you’re worried your wife isn’t attracted to you.
1. She Doesn’t Have Fun With You Anymore.
If you’ve been feeling like, ‘My wife doesn’t find me sexually attractive,” it could be because you’re no longer having fun together.
It’s a sign when your wife isn’t having fun with you. Something is off.
It’s said that women are more emotional than physical. Of course, women are physical, too – but if the fun is gone, it’s hard to feel that spark.
One of the most significant signs of a relationship that needs a re-focus is a lack of fun or positive feelings. This may not mean your wife isn’t ‘into you,’ but let negative emotions fester, and your relationship will lose vitality.
The Solution:
In any relationship that is missing that spark, it’s essential to reactivate those good feelings.
Regular date nights can help your wife fall in love with you again.
2. Her Body Tenses When You Touch Her
Most loving couples find touch to be soothing and relaxing.
For the most part, nearly everyone, when touched, feels a wave of pleasant emotions. A significant body of research shows – physical touch helps us heal, feel connected, and release oxytocin (the love hormone).
Since women tend to be more sensual than men, when your wife tenses at your touch, it’s a warning sign that your intimacy is ‘off.’
Sometimes, the move away from touch stems from past trauma.
For example, your wife’s rejection of your contact could stem from some recently triggered memory, or it could be a sign that she’s not sexually attracted to you anymore. Maybe you already have a hunch, but you won’t be sure until you talk to her.
As a man, it may not feel good to have your wife recoil, tense, or neglect your touch. If your wife reacts to your contact, don’t let this issue linger.
The Solution:
Let your wife know you’ve noticed that she tenses or neglects your touch without judgment or anger. Instead, tell her that you’re curious to learn what’s happening. By being open like this, you’ll invite her to share.
3. Signs My Wife Is Not Physically Attracted To Me – She Prioritizes Work Over Your Relationship
If your wife focuses more on work than she does on your relationship, you might be feeling emotionally neglected.
Workaholicism is dangerous in a long-term relationship.
To have a successful relationship, each partner must have a healthy work-life balance.
Too much work and not enough home time can be like any other addiction – it’s a method to cope and avoid problems.
Quite often, work addiction can become an escape from a problematic relationship. For example, if your wife spends a lot of time at the office, it could signal that she’s using work to avoid issues at home.
Where a healthy relationship offers respite from stressful work, a job in an unhealthy marriage gives her an ‘out’ of a strained relationship.
When I work with couples where work is an issue, I’ll often ask:
“What is work providing for your partner that you’re not giving her? Why is she choosing to be at work instead of being with you?”
The answer may not be pretty, but if you look, you’ll find a solution that brings more light and love to your relationship.
I recall working with a couple who had this issue. The wife was spending lots of time at work and little time at home.
I asked the couple these questions:
- “What is work giving your wife that she isn’t getting at home?
- “What is work giving you that your husband isn’t giving you?”
Like light turning on, the couple realized that work was being used as an escape from a strained partnership. In addition, the wife shared that work gave her a respite from her stressful relationship.
Your wife could be spending more time at work for a different reason – but I’m sure it’s similar. At work, she gets something that home isn’t giving her.
While no one will ever be everything to someone else, it’s still good to use these questions to help resolve this issue.
The Solution to Signs My Wife Doesn’t Find Me Attractive:
See how you can become part of the goodness at home that your wife seeks in her work. Try making a gentle request that she work with you to build that dynamic. Find new ways to inject novelty, fun, and positivity into your everyday life (or whatever that thing your wife says she’s missing at home).
4. She Goes On Outings And Won’t Invite You.
Often cited as a sign of cheating, when your partner rarely or never invites you with her – it’s an issue that needs to be looked at. Sure, you both need to have separate lives and time apart. However, it’s a bad sign when you’re rarely invited along.
The Solution:
Start asking to join her on her outings. Invite her on your social time too. Create fun times outside of just you and her.
5. She Easily Gets Annoyed With You.
Does your wife get annoyed with you often? Or does your wife yell at you? This could be a sign of unexpressed resentment.
When resentments build up, it creates a tense person. When you notice your partner is easily agitated with you consistently – it’s a sign there are some deeper issues.
As most couples have told me:
“Every big problem begins with something small.”
Those moments when your partner seems to be easily agitated and annoyed with you tell you something. She’s likely holding onto something, and you need to talk about it.
The Solution:
Ask your wife if she’s holding onto something. Approach her with a willingness to hear what she’s feeling and a curiosity to learn about what is on her heart and mind. Listening to your wife and enhancing your emotional intimacy will help you win back your wife’s love and affection.
6. Most Of Her Words About The Relationship Are Negative.
According to research at The Gottman Institute, strong negative sentiments about the relationship are dangerous.
When a partner thinks and speaks negatively about the relationship over half the time, it’s a huge red flag. If your partner spends 50% or more of her time talking and thinking badly about the relationship, your relationship is in danger.
Like anything in life, the result won’t be good when there is an imbalance toward the bad.
If you notice your wife tends to speak and focus on what’s wrong in your relationship – it’s a severe warning sign. You might even wonder, “Does my wife hate me?” Working towards a solution with expert support is critical here.
If you’re worried you’re having this issue, we highly recommend you check out the Intimacy Program immediately. The money and time spent will save years in pain and dollars in divorce and could save your marriage.
The Solution:
Look for ways to inject positivity into your relationship.
Just like the Gottman Institute cites that an imbalance of negativity in thoughts and words leads to divorce – research also found that disproportion leaning towards positivity in relationships improves the health of any marriage.
The solution here is to give more praise, increase positive acknowledgment, and share more gratitude. Team up with your partner to create this new kind of relationship that thrives on seeing what’s right. Do this, and bit by bit, day by day, your relationship will surely improve.
7. Signs My Wife Is Not Attracted To Me – There’s Frustration Around Roles.
Modern studies report an imbalance in roles between men and women. For example, researchers have found that while women work, they also find themselves doing more house chores, cleaning, and duties related to child-rearing.
This lopsidedness in roles and work duties can lead to intimacy, communication, and sexual desire issues.
According to a 2017 Pew Research, sharing household duties ranks very high in a successful marriage. If your wife is doing more cleaning, cooking, laundry, child-rearing work, and also has a full-time job – it’s contributing to her lack of desire.
A tired, overworked, and stressed woman isn’t exactly going to chomp at the bit to jump in the sack, kiss, or cuddle.
In many homes where both partners work, especially ones with kids, the solution to bringing that sexual spark back is pretty straightforward. Even if you’re not sure if your home is suffering from this issue of imbalance, the solution here helps just about every marriage. The reason being, a relaxed and well-supported woman who feels valued, is a more energized woman who can give that extra energy for physical intimacy.
The Solution:
Look for ways to pick up the slack. Pay attention to what she’s doing and find ways that you can take some duties off your wife’s plate.
Maybe you can spend more time with the kids? Perhaps you can do the dishes, vacuum, do laundry, or do some manly chores that make your home feel more united and supported.
8. She Doesn’t Want To Tell You About Her Day.
One time I worked with a couple where the wife said:
“It’s stressful to tell my husband about my day.”
That conversation led to her sharing that she found talking to her husband stressful. She avoided talking to him because it always led to fighting and more issues.
Digging deeper, she admitted she wanted to be close to her partner but couldn’t handle how easily they fought.
Sometimes we don’t want to talk about our days. That’s normal, but when it’s a regular thing that we don’t want to share our day with our significant other – it’s likely a clue into bigger issues.
The Solution:
Get honest about what is happening.
Your wife not sharing with you likely means there’s something amiss. Talk to her. Ask if there’s something you can do to help improve her desire to share and let you into her world.
9. Signs My Wife Is Not Attracted To Me – She Has A Secret Life She Won’t Tell You About
If you’ve ever read my article, “She Cheated,” then you know a secret life in a relationship is dangerous.
When your partner has a life that they won’t share with you or talk to you about – it’s a severe sign of something being wrong. Sure, it’s okay if your wife has her interests, but a secret life is another thing.
This issue goes beyond her not being into you, it’s a red herring and needs to be looked at seriously.
The Solution:
Address the elephant in the room. Your partner has a life that threatens the emotional safety of your relationship. Ask to be let in. If you need to, demand you two go to counseling and make it a priority to resolve this problem – otherwise, you may find out it’s a more significant issue when it’s too late.
10. She Talks About And Fantasizes About Other Relationships.
Does your wife seem to fantasize about people or situations outside your marriage? It’s normal for people to fantasize.
Men and women have fantasies involving threesomes, open relationships, and other things. Fantasies alone are usually harmless.
It’s not a problem for people to imagine or dream about different experiences. The issue arises when your partner pushes for it, and you’re not into it, but she persists.
For example, I’ve seen issues arise when a woman wants an open, poly, or swinger-type relationship and the man doesn’t. In some cases, men and women alike have found that they fantasize about other people and other types of relationships because they have lost attraction to their partners.
Every relationship is different, so this may not be the case for you.
The Solution:
Let your partner know you’ve noticed she’s sharing fantasies about other people and other types of relationships. Ask her what that is about. Have an open mind, and do your best to listen.
When you’ve heard her, ask her if she’s still into you or if she’s looking to spice things up because she’s not happy with the sex and chemistry you two have.
This conversation may not be easy, but if handled correctly, it can lead to many discoveries. An honest conversation can help get things back on track and help reveal safe ways to explore unmet needs and fantasies.
11. Signs My Wife Is Not Attracted To Me – She Ignores And Rejects Your Sexual Advances.
There are a handful of reasons why your wife would reject your sexual advances or why intimacy has stopped in your marriage.
One of the reasons could be she’s not into you. Another reason could be that she feels like you just want sex, not intimacy.
In my classes and sessions, many wives complain that their partner wants sex but not intimacy.
If you’re in this situation, here are some wise words that my wife once told me:
“While you turn on fast, I take time. Foreplay begins hours before we’re even in bed together. You can turn me with your touch, words, and how you treat me.”
The idea here is that women need more ‘lead in’ time, and the intimacy begins long before you’re in the bedroom.
The Solution:
When your wife ignores your sexual advances, take notice. Ask yourself if maybe it’s because there’s an imbalance in what you two do at home. Ask if perhaps it’s because there’s an ‘orgasm gap,’ and your wife isn’t having sex, making her look forward to the act. Inquire with her about the needs and work to help meet her needs so she can feel more turned on.
Also, perhaps your wife needs more emotional or non-sexual intimacy to feel her turn on toward you.
The Conclusion
If you’re noticing ‘I don’t think my wife is attracted to me,’ it can be deeply painful.
These signs could signal that your wife has lost her sexual attraction toward you.
Since every couple varies and every woman is different, it’s best not to conclude that because one or several signs are present, your wife has lost interest in you.
Talk to her. Set time aside to reconnect, have fun together, inquire, and find out directly from her what’s going on. And if you need help sparking that fire and starting those conversations, give the Save Your Marriage Workbook a try.
Yea I’ve gotta say you got each sign correct, these are the very things I’ve pointed out