Are you asking yourself, “Why won’t my boyfriend propose to me?”
This article will help you understand why your man hasn’t pulled the trigger.
If you want to get married, but your boyfriend hasn’t proposed, there are many possible reasons why he hasn’t reached that point.
This article is a general outline of why many guys are shy to propose.
As a man who’s worked with hundreds of men, I’ve found these are the top 9 reasons men won’t propose.
After reading this article, take some time to talk to your partner.
If you have already talked with him about marriage, and he became defensive or didn’t give you a good answer, the next best step is to seek the support of a coach or counselor to help dig up the real issue.
Want to speak with me to help your relationship move forward? Let’s chat.
Book a free relationship consultation.
Table of Contents
How long should you wait to get engaged?
A 2018 study found that the average relationship length before getting engaged is around five years.
While this is the average time to propose, there is no hard and fast rule about when to take this step of deeper commitment.
Research has found that waiting at least a year to get engaged increases the chances of having a successful marriage, compared with couples who get engaged less than a year after they started dating.
While waiting can be beneficial, it can be confusing and upsetting if you’ve been together for a while and there are no signs of a proposal.
Why won’t my boyfriend propose to me?
- He already has what he wants with you.
- He has serious questions about you & your future together.
- There is love, but not enough to marry you.
- He’s afraid of long-term commitment.
- He wants kids, just not with you.
- Being married means having kids, and he doesn’t want kids.
- He’s not sure he wants to marry into your family.
- He’s worried your issues won’t change.
- There are feelings of inadequacy.
Why doesn’t my boyfriend want to marry me?
There could be several reasons why your boyfriend won’t propose.
If you haven’t discussed your thoughts regarding marriage, it is possible that he does not want to get married and does not expect that to change in the future.
If not getting married is a deal-breaker, it may be worthwhile to reconsider the relationship and whether your life goals and visions align.
Alternatively, it is possible that your partner ultimately does want to get married but may not feel ready yet.
Some guys may have concerns or doubts about the relationship, leading them to postpone proposing.
They may also fear the level of commitment that comes with marriage and their ability to be a good husband.
Additionally, many men want to feel secure in their financial situation before proposing, which involves saving up to buy an engagement ring that their partner desires.
It is important to remember that deciding not to propose does not necessarily reflect your partner’s feelings for you.
Despite external pressure, your partner may want to take their time and do things their own way.
Why am I so desperate for my boyfriend to propose?
It’s normal to feel impatient or frustrated while waiting for a proposal to happen.
Your desire for a proposal is likely not just about having a beautiful ring on your finger.
You have reached a point where you are sure you want to spend the rest of your life with your boyfriend, and you want to know that he feels the same way.
Without the assurance that he’s in it for the long haul, it can be difficult to feel secure in your relationship.
Here are the top 9 Reasons Why Your Man Hasn’t Proposed and what to do about it so he steps up.
Why Won’t My Boyfriend Propose #1 – He already has what he wants with you
It’s possible your boyfriend won’t propose because he already has everything he wants with you.
If you’re living together, having regular sex together, sharing expenses, and working as a couple in life, there isn’t much incentive for him to propose marriage.
If he marries you, what does he get?
Instead of feeling excited about the idea of marriage, he may see it as an expensive and taxing process.
Not only does the wedding cost a lot, but marriage requires binding to a legal contract.
Moreover, that contract brings legal issues if things ultimately end.
When your man says things like:
“Marriage is just a piece of paper.”
“We’re pretty much a married couple already.”
What he’s saying is this: a wedding is just an expensive process that binds us to a contract.
He’s probably committed to the relationship and does not want to lose you.
However, he is saying he doesn’t see the value in being married (only the downsides; for example, it’s likely he knows that over half of marriages end in divorce).
If an engagement is a deal-breaker for you, keep reading.
We’ll discuss how to get your guy to commit.
Related Article: Signs He Doesn’t Love You Anymore
Why Won’t My Boyfriend Propose #2 – He has questions about you & whether a long-term relationship would work
Proposing is a huge decision in a person’s life.
When a woman asks their boyfriend, “Why won’t you get married to me?” The guy says, “I’m not quite ready to get married.” It means the man needs something before he feels ready to propose.
If your guy says he needs more time before he proposes, he may need:
- To spend more time with you, getting to know each other.
- More experiences together.
- To have discussed what marriage means.
- Well-thought-out plans about what comes after marriage.
- Time to plan the perfect proposal.
- More time to make enough money to provide as a future husband
Men who say they need more time need clear conversations with you about what marriage means.
Often, they need you to listen about what needs to happen with you as a couple before he’s open to the marriage.
One of the couples I worked with came to me because the man kept saying, “I am not ready to get married yet. I need more time with you.”
When he spoke, his woman got upset and stressed.
To her, marriage means having a sense of safety and knowing she is held and cared for.
She already lived with him; they had regular sexual intimacy and shared expenses. She didn’t understand what else she could give him.
It became clear that something else was holding him back from proposing marriage during our time together. He needed more time.
As we dug deeper into what was holding him back, he said, “Well, I know for many women, marriage means having kids. I want to marry her, but I don’t want kids yet.”
Aha!
The real issue was that, in his mind, marriage meant having kids right away.
Once the couple saw that the man’s hesitancy about marriage was what it meant, they discussed a plan, and soon after, he proposed to her on the rocks of Italy.
Many women want a more profound sense of commitment, jump the gun, and don’t listen.
Their feelings take over, and they cannot have an honest and transparent conversation with their partner.
Check out the Premarital Counseling Program if you’ve found this issue in your relationship. It’s the most popular program for couples who want to get married but have some roadblocks.
In this video, I discuss strengthening your partnership with relationship goals.
For a hands-on guide to setting couples goals and adding more purpose to your relationship, check out the Relationship Workbook.
Why Won’t My Boyfriend Propose #3 – If you’re thinking, “My boyfriend won’t propose,” he may love you but not enough to marry you
In my time doing this work, I’ve met many guys who say:
“I love my girlfriend; I just don’t know if she’s the one, and I don’t want to marry the wrong woman.”
These men are usually unsure about marriage but believe that once they find ‘the one,’ they’ll know and pull the trigger.
If you want him to propose, there’s a chance he does want to get married, but he’s wondering if other women could be a better fit.
Typically, there are only two solutions to help resolve this:
- First, talk to him and ask him.
- Then, wait and see what happens.
The best choice is to open up the dialogue with him.
It may hurt to find out he doesn’t feel like you’re the woman for him, but it’s better than taking years to find out.
If your boyfriend hasn’t proposed to you yet, it doesn’t mean this is his reason for not proposing, but it could be one of the reasons.
Don’t jump to conclusions.
Instead, talk to your boyfriend and keep reading to see if another reason is more appropriate to your situation.
Why Won’t My Boyfriend Propose #4 – He’s afraid of deeper commitment
For many men, the idea of marriage is scary.
The more significant commitment, legally binding contract, and potential litigation, if the relationship ends, makes some men scared to propose.
It could be fear of what happens if the relationship ends or fear of committing on a deeper level.
It could also be that he’s afraid of the more profound commitment because his family, friends, and other people he’s talked to have had disastrous divorces.
So, the fear of marriage may not mean he’s afraid of going deep with you – but it could signal that he’s worried about what happens if the marriage ultimately ends.
If your boyfriend won’t propose, don’t subtly drop hints or wait for something to change so you can finally live happily ever after.
To find out what he’s thinking, ask him.
Unearthing his fears could ease them and help him move forward with you.
The best way to overcome this fear is to check in with him and listen to his feelings.
If he’s unwilling to speak with you directly, I highly recommend couples card games to help you through this conversation.
Why Won’t My Boyfriend Propose #5 – Being married means having kids, and he doesn’t want kids
The line in the sand for couples often comes down to this:
To have kids or not have kids.
He may not feel good about proposing if you want kids, and he doesn’t. Or maybe he wants kids, and you don’t. Whatever the case is, when couples are not on the same page about kids – it makes it hard to move ahead with a wedding.
For couples who are struggling in the area of marriage, this is the first question I’ll often ask them:
“Do you two have the same visions about family and your future together?”
This question usually gets to the heart of why a man hasn’t proposed to his girlfriend.
Likewise, if you’re not on the same page about kids, it’s a barrier to engagement.
However, I’ve learned that resolving this area can require more in-depth conversations for couples who struggle to marry.
The answer isn’t always cut and dry but instead requires creating deep dialogues about what kids mean and what marriage means.
Why Won’t My Boyfriend Propose #6 – He wants kids, just not with you
In my early 20’s, I fell deeply in love with a great woman.
While I loved her, I wouldn’t propose to her for one reason:
I didn’t feel safe having kids with her.
While I wanted a family, I wasn’t sure she would be a great mom for our kids.
Contrary to popular belief, many men love settling down and having a family. But unfortunately, many men won’t propose because they’re afraid their girlfriend won’t be a good mom.
Maybe your partner loves you, loves being with you, but he’s afraid you’re not the right person to be the mother of his children.
The only way to know is by asking him.
It may sting to hear that your man feels that way, but by having an honest conversation, you can address his concerns, improve your relationship, and strengthen his belief in your partnership.
Why Won’t My Boyfriend Propose #7 – He’s not sure he wants to marry into your family
When you marry someone, you don’t just marry them – you marry their family.
Maybe your man doesn’t want to marry into your family.
The only way to answer the question, “Why won’t he marry me?” is to ask him.
I recall once dating a wonderful woman. She was great, but her family worried me. As a result, I felt shy about a more significant commitment because of her overbearing family.
I’ve heard the stories of countless couples who struggle to marry until the family issues resolve. Talk to your man about family and the role family plays in your relationship.
Why Won’t My Boyfriend Propose #8 – He’s worried your issues won’t change
Many men who are shy about marriage have told me:
“I am worried our issues won’t ever change.”
Since you’ve started dating, he’s felt free to leave, while marriage makes things permanent.
For some men, the idea of marriage brings images of a scary future where they’re stuck in a long-term relationship with problems they can’t take on.
When your man knows you want marriage but hasn’t proposed, he’s likely pressed fast forward in his mind and conjured images of an unhappy future.
But, of course, things don’t have to be that way. Try talking to him.
The best step is to discuss concerns about the relationship without finger-pointing and respect each other’s feelings.
Men who fear a bleak future won’t propose until they feel confident about the future.
Working together now to talk about the issues is the best solution.
Make Your Relationship Secure With Online Couple’s Coaching
Many men are afraid of marriage and worry their partner won’t change.
They worry marriage will lock them deeper into your issues, whether it’s explosive conflicts or differences in sexual desire – and then they won’t have a way out.
The best way to help him resolve this fear and feel secure in your relationship is to talk.
So please find out about his concerns and work together to fix whatever is in the way.
It may take time and deep talks, but isn’t that what you want from a man who’s committed to you anyway?
Why Won’t My Boyfriend Propose #9 – He feels inadequate
Maybe you’ve heard from mutual friends that your guy is hesitant to propose due to his insecurities and low self-esteem.
As a man, I know this feeling.
You love your partner and want to spend the rest of your life with them, yet worry you won’t be enough for them.
You think your woman is fantastic, but you’re afraid you might not be enough to make them happy.
For some men, that is a real fear.
That worry keeps some men from proposing or committing on a deeper level.
Men like this frequently need to talk about their fears with their partners and to be reminded that they are good enough.
If you’re wondering, “Why hasn’t he proposed?” try these strategies to boost his self-esteem:
- Let him know you love him and respect him.
- Give him praise and acknowledgment of how great he is and will be as a future husband.
- Talk to him about his fears so that it’s all out in the open (and you can best support the relationship).
If you’re questioning, ‘Why won’t my boyfriend propose?’ it’s time to get on the same page about your relationship
It can be hurtful and frustrating when your boyfriend is hesitant to commit.
You may be building up resentment waiting for him to get down on one knee.
The next best step is to seek relationship coaching.
Talking with a trained expert can help open up the dialogue faster and give you both a safe space to talk about things in a healthy way.
Book a complimentary couples consult.
Why do boyfriends not propose?
There are many reasons boyfriends don’t propose marriage. Hesitation in proposing could stem from unresolved relationship issues, fear of commitment or marrying the wrong person, or wanting to achieve certain goals (like being financially secure) before taking the next step.
How long should you wait for your boyfriend to propose?
There’s no set time frame for how long someone should wait for their partner to propose. Your level of emotional connection, communication, and shared goals all play a role in this decision. Even more important than a proposal is the relationship quality, mutual understanding, and alignment of long-term goals.
What to do if your boyfriend won’t propose?
If you are starting to think, ‘I resent my boyfriend for not proposing’, talk to him about it. Give him the space to share his thoughts and feelings and try to understand his perspective. Take the time to discuss your needs and priorities and determine whether you are on the same page with your goals for the relationship.
Should I leave if he doesn’t want to marry me?
If your boyfriend has expressed that he doesn’t want to get married and the idea of getting married is important to you, it might be time to reassess the relationship. Seeking the assistance of a relationship coach will help you navigate this challenging decision.
I dated my husband for a long time, he was my childhood friend, after we dated for a long time we got married, i thought my life was perfect, i thought i knew him so well, recently start acting strange, i thought it was his normal mood swing , i gave him time , i tried talking to him about his recent behavior but he always tells me he is fine, i couldn’t take it anymore.
My boyfriend and I are both 42 years old. We have been together for 9 years and have a 7 year old son. We have lived together for 7 years also. We are everything except married. The roles in our relationship are the same as a married couple. We talked about getting married a long time ago at the beginning of our relationship, but haven’t talked about it lately. I feel like maybe he has no reason to marry me and I want to be married because its important to me. I don’t know what is taking so long. We are both established in our careers. I have never been married before but he has been married and his wife cheated on him.
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost four years. We were best friends but always seeing other people. Everyone (but me I guess) knew how much he was in love with me. When we were both finally single, it progressed into more, and then he asked me to be his girlfriend.
I just turned 30. He will be 30 in a month. We purchased a home together and have been living together for over a year. I figured maybe he was trying to do “one thing at a time” but I’m starting to worry that marriage isn’t on the table. He says it is, but something doesn’t feel right.
We haven’t had sex in two months and he says it’s because he’s tired. I don’t know anymore. I’ve never been in a relationship for this long or in one this serious. I have expressed all of my concerns and he continues to reassure me that it’s going to happen and that he wants to grow old together, but I don’t feel a commitment. Why.
I am 34 and my boyfriend will be 42 this year. We have been together about 2 1/2 years and lived together for seven months of that time. Our relationship has been wonderful with the exception of the understanding of marriage and kids, and progressing in that direction. He has previously been married before and has two kids. When we first started dating, I was very up front with him about my desire for marriage and kids. He agreed from the very beginning that he wanted the same things. We are now 2 1/2 years into our relationship living together and I recently had a conversation with him about marriage and kids and I keep being told it’s in the cards or it’s gonna happen, but there’s no real reason or understanding as to what the holdup is. At this point my family has been questioning, what the issue is and worried that I am wasting my time in a relationship that is going nowhere. My initial thought process after having our recent conversation about these topics was to give it a couple months and see if anything happens and if not, then move on. Well, I did not share an exact deadline of when this decision will be made on my end. I am willing to give it a couple months. My worry is that he will try to propose now, as we just had this conversation, and it be more of a forced tactic and not sincere. During this time, I’m gonna continue living and doing things and growing within myself. I also brought up the topic about I wanted him to have a conversation with my father if he plans to propose and kind of got the feeling that he did not think that that would be necessary, but that’s important to me. The response I got from him when I asked him to go to my father and ask for his permission was that he doesn’t agree that that is something that would need to happen. I’m not sure what to do and would definitely love to hear someone’s input. Should I be patient and give it the time or is this a tell a sign that I should leave and move on? I’m trying to be fair and understanding in the situation, but I’m starting to get a little impatient as I don’t wanna miss my opportunity to meet somebody and get married, and have a family. I am in my prime years of my life right now and while I have time now I will not have time if I continue to stick around in the situation. Another question that constantly goes through my mind too is that is he able to still have kids given the age gap between the two of us. I also fear being married to someone and then finding out after being married that they are not able to have children and then I end up settling. Help please.
Men love to drag their feet. Reading your comment it makes me wonder if your man has some fear from this previous relationship or maybe he’s feeling like he’s already “been there, done that” so he’s in no hurry to do it again. I know a lot of men, including my own relationships that I’ve had, also don’t realize that there is a definite timeline for women regarding our fertility. Perhaps this could also be a hold up. The thing that does concern me is that you brought up wanting him to talk to your father and he shut you down for it. For me this would be a huge red flag. He’s not even willing to talk to him? While this is not my belief either, if my man wanted me to talk to his family first before getting married to him I would do it. Not because I wanted to but because it was important to him. The question now is, is he going to do this with you with your potential child in the future? Would things that are important to you not be important to him? My last question is, are you only with this guy because you want to have a baby? If you have to wonder if fertility issues would be a dealbreaker for a relationship, then I don’t think you love this man at all.
This sounds like me. We’ve been together just over 4 years. We’ve had a house together for 2. He is 42, I am 33. Neither of us are previously married with no kids. He knew I was only dating to marry eventually, and HE actual brought up marriage initially about a year into the relationship. We have 2 pets together. I am constantly dealing with the clatter of my family and friends asking when we are getting married, and I actually have no idea how to answer the question because I’m not sure what the hold up is (and I personally belive this is well over due). He knows I’ve wanted marriage, he says he wants to marry me, but yet, nothing. He talks about “our” future, but yet nothing. We’ve had quite a few serious discussions and there is always I would love to marry you one day. I just cannot get a serious answer out of him what the hold up is. I am getting extremely antsy as my biological clock is ticking and I don’t want to waste any more time if he is not going to marry me (saying and doing are 2 different things). I would say the biggest issue may be just being comfortable the way things are… but I have also expressed how important marriage is and there are certain things I am not willing to do unless we are married, but again, nothing. Am I being completely unreasonable here? Should I wait it out or should I move on? I deserve to be someones wife, and if marriage truly isnt in his plans, then I would like to know and move on.
Hello Yearning – you are not being unreasonable. For you marriage means you can open up, commit deeper, feel more aligned as a couple, and settle into a more assured future. Many couples find themselves stuck in this place. One of you feels that you’re pretty much already married, the other doesn’t think or feel the same. One of you feels you’ve got it all already and so marriage won’t do much, the other feels otherwise. After multiple years many couples find themselves either fighting about this topic or avoiding it…and yet it’s there as an issue. Quite often men don’t feel that marriage means as much as it means to women (or the two personalities in the case of non heterosexual couples who also find themselves stuck in this predicament). My advice is usually to set time aside to have deep conversations about this topic with out trying to convince and definitely without threats that “if we don’t” then it’s over. That kind of setup makes it really hard to have the conversation. On a deep level many men are afraid of marriage because it means a contract, a commitment in a new way, and an unknown. Not only that, if your partner came from a broken home or has friends/family who were divorced – the fear of what will happen if you two got divorced is there. Another layer is that many people don’t want to get married until certain experiences and certain patterns are no longer present. Getting to the root of these things requires both people feel really safe to share, open up, and that the conversation isn’t some of kind talk about if we don’t then it’s over. Duress doesn’t help anyone open up, commit, or create commitments. It sounds like he loves you (just the gist that I get from your short write up), but he’s likely got other ideas than you about what marriage and divorce mean (which is perfectly normal). I’ve worked with many couples in your situation and it always comes down to helping them have deep conversations about the meaning marriage, the fear of divorce, and finding common ground that helps lead them to create a shared vision and the security together that marriage signifies.
my boyfriend and i have been together on & off for almost 4 years. we got together at 16 and both did eachother wrong around the first 6 months of the relationship, breaking up twice. but we resolved our issues and have been together (no breakups) since the beginning of 2020. we share locations, talk to nobody of the opposite sex, and although he works 60 hours a week, he comes over and stays the night at my house every single night. and on his days off it’s always all about me. we’re both 20… which i know is young. but he makes a lot of money.. i’ll be honest. over 150k. which i feel is more than enough to be ready to move forward with our lives, move out and get married.. and although everything is great on paper, he still just “isn’t ready” to propose. i’m not sure what my game plan should be. some people say we’re so young i shouldn’t even worry about this until we’re 25 and others say if it’s been over 5 years regardless he’ll never do it. ive told him if he doesn’t do it by 5 years i’ll walk away.. but idk if i’m being hard on him or if that’s rational. his mother left him as a child and his step mom is horrible, he’s seen nothing but terrible marriages his whole life. but he constantly talks to me about our future kids and “when we’re married” and tells me he’s 100% sure i’m the one and that he wants to marry me. but he’s “just not there yet”. am i wasting precious time or is he worth waiting for and i’m expecting too much out of a young man?
My boyfriend is 34 and I am 28. We are reaching 6 years together in January. I went through major depression in our first year together as I never emotionally connect to any man. My father and brother were both very un emotional people and they never really tried to be close to me. So for me men were always a bit hard to be close to. Now my boyfriend came along and I felt good with him. When I vented anything emotionally I always felt uneasy being fully honest since I wasn’t sure how he would react. He is understanding but also has an old school mentality where a women has no life prior to them. Now that was years ago. Fast forward to now he is in a lot of debt and stresses out a lot. I do let him know I wanna be engaged and married so we can finally live together and start a life. He get so upset and tells me I should find another man who can give me all that I want rather than becoming that himself. He is 34 lives at home & is an extreme mama’s boy. It is actually kinda gross and I have put barriers with his mother as she is controlling and does not seem to see how toxic she is. I don’t know if I should wait it out or let us both move on and find happiness.
He’s not going to marry you. Please move on.
My boyfriend 27 and I 25 have been dating for over 4 years and living together 3. We have openly and honestly had conversations about marriage and (it seems) like we are both on the same page and would both like to get married.
My issue is that my partner and I were in a bad financial situation for a couple years and so he would say that he “just cant afford the ring he wants to get me”, I totally understood that and was not worried (infact i didnt really care about the ring). Now though our financial situation has completely changed over a year ago (almost two years actually) I thought that maybe he would have started saving (especcialy because he said he wanted to get me an expensive ring). But everytime he has extra money he spends it on one of his various hobbies.
The other day the two of us were talking about our our future spending and saving plans and my partner listed off back to back expensive items he wanted to buy for himself now that he has savings like guitars, motorcycles, guns, tattoos. All very expensive items. (Normally most people would assume that he might be trying to trick me so i wouldnt assume hes saving for an engagement ring but that is not the case in this instance, as he has already put his little bit of savings down on a $3000 guitar he’s buying).
He also and most importantly told my family when they asked him “where’s the ring?” That everytime he thinks about buying me a ring he thinks about “all the cool stuff he can buy for himself instead.” And that he would rather spend his money on “interesting or cool things he wants”.
Now that i found out about that ive started to question if he really does want marriage or if he is just saying it to make me feel happy and content in our relationship.
I also want to mention that I was not the one to initially bring up marriage, he did in our first year together and all the time since and that I had never really pressured the idea on him (until this last year together)
I would like to progress our relationship but im just not sure anymore if he deems me and our future as a priority or if it his hobbies and whatever is in his best interest that is more important. Of course i cannot dictate how he spends or saves his money but I thought he would want to prioritize making me his wife over buying a new guitar.
Anyways thanks for letting me rant
Hi
I’m sorry to say this but you sound way more mature than he is. He sounds immature and in that respect selfish. He probably can’t help it but it’s not a reason for you to ever doubt yourself. I have been in a relationship like this, except my guy proposed after 3 years. I wish I’d seen his selfish ways beforehand and that he cared for himself above me. I hope your guy isn’t like this and just grows up. My partner and I were older than you two. Anyway, in my circumstance, he ended up continuing to buy cars, bikes etc when we were financially suffering. I ended up needing to leave 10 years later. I’d strongly suggest following your gut, work it out for yourself. You don’t want to end up where I was or making the mistake I did. All the best
I’m 28, he’s 26. We’ve been together a little over three years. I’m at the point where I want to get married. We are in the military and we were at the same command when we met and got assigned to a different command together too. We just moved in together in April, despite my being nervous since I was raised to believe you don’t “live in sin”. But he told me that he won’t marry someone unless he’s lived with them first. Now, he says he’s worried the military will split us up if we get married because we are at the same command again. However, the instruction says that we can get married and even be part of the same command provided we do not have the same reporting senior (which we don’t), so this is really just an excuse. I pointed that out to him and he then said we had issues we still need to work on. Like, I am not a fan of cleaning and he wants me to clean more so he feels like our values aren’t aligned on that. (This is crazy, because I clean a lot). He also sometimes says that my emotions are an issue for him. I told him that I can’t control when I’m feeling something. My reactions have gotten better over the years and I don’t have as many emotional outbursts as I did when we first started dating. But still, I can’t change the fact that I *feel* things, I can only control my reactions to them. I feel like there’s nothing stopping us from getting married but he’s hesitating. It all came to a head when I thought I might be pregnant and he told me I should get an abortion before Roe V. Wade is repealed. He meant it as a joke, but it actually really upset me and when I told him that he said he just wasn’t ready for kids right now. Which is totally valid, I’m not ready either, but I would like to have a few years with the love of my life before we even think about children. I definitely don’t want to get married and have kids right off the bat. Hell no. I’m not even sold on the idea of kids anyways. Which, he knows this. I want to get married because I love him and I want to be with him forever. Every year that goes by is another year that the military could split us up, too. Like nothing is secure and that is the one thing that would make me feel secure. I have decided to give it one more year. Then, I will revisit the conversation and if his answer hasn’t changed, I’m moving on. This is my own personal timeline, not an ultimatum I’m giving him before anyone attacks me. I’m just tired of being a perpetual girlfriend. And I’m especially upset because my brother is getting married this summer to a girl he met about six months ago. Meanwhile, I have been with my boyfriend for over three years and he’s STILL uncertain about me. Sorry for the rant I’m so frustrated.
He’s has too many excuses, which means he’s not going to marry you. Let him go!
My boyfriend and I will be 27 soon, we both have good careers. Been together over 4 years and have owned a house together for 2. I’ve been clear from the beginning that I want a husband, a lifelong partner. For the first 2.5 years he would freak out and shut down whenever I mentioned marriage. We’re a great team, I know he loves me, we spend a lot of time with each of our families and I know he wants kids of his own one day. I don’t know if he’s just too immature or he’s already getting all the pros of marriage as boyfriend/girlfriend so he’s not motivated. I’m upset that he doesn’t seem to care about my relationship desires, and quite frankly I’m embarrassed because I’m constantly asked why we’re not married. Even his sister asks me why we aren’t engaged. I’m not sure how to proceed.
What should I do my man doesnt propose to me yet but we already book the church and other supplier. Why should I do to make him propose?
Hello 24 year old female here. Been with my guy for almost 7 years. (7 in august) we have 2 kids together one is 5yrs the other 2yrs. Safe to say everyone is probably like. Wait. What do you mean you aren’t married yet? Yea I know. Frustrated right there with you. Now I’ll be as short as I can there’s so much to tell but basically of course I expressed my wishes to him and even when we first started dating we both made it clear marriage is important and we don’t plan on divorce. Cool right. Yea. Fast forward we have our first child in 2017. I asked him to marry me. He said yes but he wanted to be the one to do it. Long story short. He never did and he said it doesn’t count after all. So whatever was annoyed so I brought it up again later. And we discussed possible ways to get married cause sorry I don’t care about getting married. I care about being married. And I thought that maybe that would take the stress of. But anywho. It’s 2019 I am pregnant with our second and we decide let’s do a court house wedding. Save money and plan a celebration later cause he really wants one. Cool fine! I was happy. Got a white little dress showed off the little bump very cute. I got the receipt online for the marriage license. We just needed to go there and show them and pay and then do the whole thing there. We never did it. He kept pushing it back then he just never spoke of it. I waited to see if he ever would. The year ended and we had our son. And he never proposed or anything. The following year I still am talking about. And he doesn’t know but around my birthday he bought a ring. I found it (he sucks at hiding stuff) and I didn’t tell him cause u know I didn’t want to ruin the surprise. So I waited. Birthday came. Nothing. Anniversary came. Nothin. It is now. March. 2022. And he still does not know I know about the ring. But he still has done. Nothing. And I know he loves me. He tells me all the time and he doesn’t treat me bad. Yea we fight like any couple but he’s not a dick is what I’m getting at. So I told myself to be patient but how frustrating it is that I expressed what I want. And he’s just. Lingering me on. He says he wants it too and we have kids so it’s like. What are u waiting for ?? I don’t get it. So I’m worried maybe he changed his mind. Maybe I’m not enough or. Maybe I gave him everything without really saying he I need a ring but still. I communicated I expressed myself and nothing. I’m not sure what I should do now. I wanna know what everyone things because I love him to death I don’t wanna just “oh he doesn’t wanna marry me. Peace” like no. It’s not that simple. So I just feel. Stuck.
Sounds like it’s time to let him know you saw the ring. You felt excited. Now, years later, after waiting…you are really hurting and wondering if he wants that level of commitment. Unbeknownst to most people, these kinds of talks happen a LOT and unfortunately, it may not seem romantic to bring it up but it’ll help you see where he’s at — and it’ll help you relieve some of that pressure. You have been patient, now it’s time to have that talk. If he loves you, has the ring, and he’s been waiting it’ll be good to talk about what has him waiting and what concerns you two may have regarding committing. I hate to say this, especially as a man, but we are not usually hip to how important marriage is for women and quite often our upbringing did not program us to give it such priority (just look at any movie, especially kids movies — the boys try to be heroes, girls grow to become wives and queens). He needs you to talk to him, this will also be a good stepping stone for you two to do what marriage requires – reveal yourselves fully and honestly and find ways to commit to each other so the love and commitment deepens.
What do you think?
gosh! Sounds really tough
Me and my boyfriend have been together well over a year, I want him to pop the question to me soon. I found the ring while looking for something and I’m in love with it and him. But my problem is that he’s had this beautiful ring for well over a month now and yet it’s not on my finger. He says he got something planned but I’m not so sure as when I try and talk to him about it he says it’s a surprise.
I’m really hurting here because it’s like he got the ring but nothing. I was given hints before and he said he wasn’t going to pop the question. And I was super hurt by this I couldn’t talk to anyone about this as I was so embarrassed but now everyone is putting a lot of pressure on me and it upsets me as I don’t know what to say. I love him I really do and I’m so happy but it’s like I’m having this ring rubbed in my face as I know it’s there but he won’t do anything about moving us forwards. I honestly don’t know what to do. Can someone help me please ? I don’t talk about this with him all the time. I rarely bring it up but he won’t tell me anything and he saying this year we will be engaged but now he is saying “ I’ll ask your dad this month or next”. Because of the money situation I feel like it’s me he says it’s not but I really feel like it is me. I’m changing my life for him by moving into his family house with him so we can save money, I’m leaving my family behind, friends, starting in a new job, my dogs who I love so much, I just want him to be serious about me and just ask me already. It doesn’t take this long to plan. Am I being crazy and give him a break or is he doing nothing and just playing with my feelings?.
Thank you for commenting and sharing such a personal story. I’ll do my best to give some insight straightforward, but I also feel hesitant to fully go in because I do have questions. Let me get those out of the way after I empathize and relate to you, I think it’s important you know I’ve been in your shoes (from what I know), and I’ve worked with thousands of couples now.
Reading your share reminds me of many couples I’ve worked with. Getting married is a big decision for anyone, and I know it’s hard when you’re ready and your partner shows some ambivalence. He’s got the ring, but now it’s like he’s stalling. You moved and shifted your whole life. You’ve gone all in. You have jumped and shown your commitment. That’s a big deal. Getting the ring would probably show you he knows how into him you are, and that you have made the full gesture to say you want him and the future together (even if it means the discomfort of moving with his family, changing jobs, and leaving your pups behind).
I get these are big steps. It completely makes sense you are saddened that he’s not proposed yet…because your actions show you have committed to a very high level.
Given you’re moving in with his family, it definitely adds for some context. It leaves me with a few questions:
1. How old are you both? (age tells me a lot about a man, a woman, a couple, and where their heads are at)
2. Does he have a job? Is he happy with his job and earnings? (A man’s marriage goals are quite often intertwined with his earnings, position in life, and financial standings. This isn’t always true, but it could likely be of importance here).
3. You say “well over a year” which makes me think this is a ‘longish’ relationship from your perspective? I wonder if your boyfriend feels the same? What are his ideas about marriage? Many of us have different ideas of marriage and what it means and what should happen before we’re able to propose (for example not everyone thinks they should ask a father for his permission. Some people think you should have X amount of money. Some people think they should know x, y, and z about the person…and getting a ring can bring up all these questions up for a man. If a man truly is committed, it’s a good thing he’s asking himself these things – it means he takes you and the commitment seriously. I can’t even buy floss without reading the labels and looking at the cost…so when I got married just imagine how much I thought about things ;0
4. If he has a ring, it’s clear he’s serious. What happens when you ask him how he feels about marriage and his ideas of it?
–These are all loaded questions.
Quite often they are ones that are hard to discuss. Nonetheless, if he doesn’t propose for a while now, they could be critical conversations to be had. The challenge of all this is that the talks about these questions will be best done if it doesn’t feel like he’s being pressured, but instead, you’re trying to get to know him.
Without knowing the answers to the above questions it’s hard to speak without generalities. Each couple is unique in its own way, but still, I do feel confident to speak in general terms that likely apply here.
Quite often marriage for men is different than for women.
Many men have shared they need more time. They want to be earning more. They want to be ‘men’ and not feel dependent on their parents and they want to have certain experiences with their partner before proposing (what experiences are unique to each man…some have said, they want to travel, see how their partner loves them during tough times, watch their partner with kids…the list goes on, but these are the big ones I hear men share).
If he’s had a ring for a little over a month, I’d suggest giving him some patience. For you a year could spell certainty, for him it could be a huge deal that now he’s got a ring. He’s clearly into you, but maybe getting this ring brought some things for him about his abilities to care for you (and moving into his parents doesn’t tend to make men feel like strong men who can provide). The ring could also be challenging him to think about his future, who he is, and what he wants in his life…he may need a few months to feel into all that. He might consider being together a year significant, but maybe for him one year isn’t the same in his head as it is yours…Aside from you, what were his longest relationships?
My questions here are really important, not just because they help me but they also show me how well you know him and his ontology (who he is internally. His dreams, fears, hopes, morals, and visions).
If you want to talk to him about marriage, my main advice is this:
Try to be really curious while curtailing any pressure.
If he continues to stall, it makes sense that you’ll have a bit of that pressure. Right now, you two are early into getting to know each other. This is best used as an opportunity to know each other and learn critical skills for creating longevity. If your goal is to be married, committed, and strongly bonded — one year is early into a lifetime together. Of course, if you need a proposal soon that is important for him to know, but even then the most important asset you two have is your ability to discuss, create emotional attunement, and talk about things that might not be comfortable and then create dreams that make the both of you feel connected and safe together here, now, and for years to come.
I hope my answer here helps. Admittedly, I know I am dealing with a sensitive topic. I can only answer topically, but not in great depth because I do not know a lot about you guys as individuals or as a couple. My feedback is general, but I do know it can apply to many couples.
You have only been together a year, give it some time I’m sure he might pop the question. If not then bring it up. I’ve been my partner over 8 years. he still hasn’t. I think its time for me to walk away from my relationship. He doesn’t understand the pain I’m putting myself though. I’m very sad that have to end it, but feel it will go knowhere after this length of time.
I’ve been dating the father of my 2 children for around 15 years or so. He knows I feel like less of a woman because I am not married. I feel like our relationship isn’t taken seriously by others who just see the “boyfriend/girlfriend” words and don’t know that we have known each other for longer than some couples who are married have known each other. But I will always feel like there is something wrong with me because he wont commit to me in marriage. I know in my head its just paper and legal crap, but it was instilled in me as a child that marriage is the ultimate goal for a woman, and because I am not that, I have failed in some weird way that I cant explain. He claims its about money and it being the right time and whatnot, but I have completely given up hope that I’ll be married before I grow old(or at all). I get mad and upset and cry about it and sometimes he sees it. But he doesnt seem bothered and thinks my opinions on the matter are silly. Deep inside I know I’ll never claim the title as a married woman and I’ll just have to get over it I guess. Why ruin a fine relationship over semantics? It hurts me deeply, but maybe I am being silly.
You are not being silly. You have a deep rooted desire for marriage, it’s not silly at all. You have a need and he is unable or unwilling to meet that need. You are worthy of love and of someone making that level of commitment to you. Is the relationship everything you want it to be when he doesn’t meet that fundamental need in you? If the answer is no then I wouldn’t let two kids and 15 years stand in the way of you potentially having that need met by someone else. This is your life, don’t let him have more years if you’re not getting what you need.. There won’t be a good time to walk away.
My boyfriend and I are both divorced with grown children. We have know each other for 11 years. Dated for almost 4 years. In April (our dating anniversary) l asked what he thought about marriage. He said our families needed to get to know each other better but he knew he wanted to be with me. Before Christmas I suggested that we look at rings. He said we would but he was too busy then. Around Christmas he said he had too many expenses, his children are both almost 30 and live with the their mother. They neither one work much, he totally supports them, cars, trucks, trailers, horses, insurance, credit cards, everything. When he sees the “kids” it’s always at the x’s house. I don’t have a problem with him helping his kids but I think this is getting out of control. It seems to be getting worse. He gets very defensive if I say anything about his kids needing to get jobs and support themselves. He acts like they are elementary aged children not 30 year old adults. He didn’t get divorced until the kids were grown. It seems like the more I ask about our future and marriage the more dependent his kids are portrayed. I don’t know if this is due to some guilt he feels or what. He says we will talk about us soon but it doesn’t happen. My kids don’t have a problem with him. I’m beginning to think I’m wasting my time. Any advice would be appreciated.
Too many excuses, and he’s not over his ex. Move on!
Hi, I and my boyfriend have been together going on 3 years and anytime I bring up the issue of marriage, he says I am pressuring him. I have told him I am not willing to date for more than 2 years, and it doesn’t take forever to know that I am the one or you want to be with me. I feel like I made a mistake moving in together before marriage which is against my culture and everybody I know after started dating after we got together is either married or engaged. I am sensing a lack of commitment from him and it’s pushing me out. He doesn’t know my ring size, at time, I can picture him proposing because I feel he hasn’t taken the time to connect with me and can’t talk about someone else proposal and marriages in a conversation without getting in an argument.
I feel I made a mistake telling him early on in the relationship that I see him in my future.
Should I stay or try to Wait it out? As I am beginning to feel it’s time for me to tap out.
Honestly. I’m in the same shit. He won’t listen to talks about marriage or settling down. To me it’s like they are not sure of what they want yet. I’m letting go which us good for him. He can decide what he wants. My sister, wait for no man. If it doesn’t feel right. Then it’s not right.
From a guy’s perspective I can honestly tell you that if he is putting you off, feels you are pressuring him or hesitates in the least bit about proposing to you, YOU ARE NOT THE ONE he wants to spend the rest of his life with. But you are providing him with comfort –in essence he gets the milk without buying the cow so where is the incentive to change anything? A man who is truly in love with his woman would not hesitate to propose. He does not think you are good enough to marry. Stop wasting your life and get the hell out of there before you are too old and no one wants you.
My boyfriend and I will be together 8 years next month and still no proposal. He never brings it up and doesn’t ever engage in deeper conversations on the topic when I drop hints. He never affirms my hints. I know that he was thinking of proposing about 3.5 years ago but I made a comment about how i didn’t really want a ring when he the. showed me the ring he was going to propose with… but no proposal. All of our friends are either married or in domestic partnerships with children and we have been together the longest our of all of our friends. But he never brings up marriage. We live in France and he is French and we are talking about moving to the US in two years, and we will need to be married for visa reasons, and still no proposal.
How do I raise the subject in a healthy and calm way?
I’m hesitant to bring it up because I often feel like it falls on me to raise the serious questions. Then that makes me angry because he reacts like he hasn’t thought of the topic or says that he was going to bring it up.
Have you two fought about marriage/engagement before? If so, it’s one reason as to why he avoids the talk altogether now. Even if fights and contention haven’t occurred around this topic (which is rare in a relationship where one person wants to and the other avoids it)…but you two haven’t fought about this or had heated talks on the topic — then it’s likely he has different views on marriage, maybe had some trauma around seeing others divorce. When you two talk about it, my guess is he likely thinks he only has two options — agree to do it, or disagree. Neither gets him what he wants (peace and harmony) so he’s chosen the lesser of evils (or so he thinks) — avoid the topic at all costs.
I had a couple just like this recently. The woman said to me, “we are here to speak with you to decide if we are getting married or if we’re done. I won’t be unmarried anymore and he needs to decide.” She cried when she spoke on the topic. he quite often froze up and felt deeply ashamed. He could see her pain, but he wanted to honor his own hesitation and fears. The issue usually wreaked havoc for them. In our talks, we explored deep-seeded beliefs.
How do you bring it up in a calm way?
–First, I need to know if you feel calm when you think about this or not?
Second, we’d want to look at why he’s resisting the topic. What in his past happened, or what informs his ideas of marriage? Most men think it makes things worse, and people who come from single-parent homes or families where divorce happened (which statistically most of us do come from those homes) so most of us (especially men don’t have good views of what marriage does and is).
You need to find out his beliefs and where they come from. And you can’t do this discovery ‘in order to get married.’ That type of curousity is manipulative and all of us hate salespeople (which many partners do when they get ‘curious’ it’s not to learn, it’s to build a case and to argue against someone’s beliefs). You can’t change anyone without knowing them, and to know someone they must feel that we truly care.
My best suggestion, albeit likely not the one you are looking for but it’s truly my best advice — hire me to help you dissect this (or hire someone else you like and trust).
But, even if you don’t hire someone to help you hold space and create a new dynamic in this dialogue — you need to get to know what’s up for him. Most often, relationships that go so long with a wedding (and one partner really wants it to the point that it really hurts them) THEN the issue is there because both people have not slowed down and really gotten to know each other’s deep feelings/beliefs/fears and stories.
My bf and I been together for 4 years and almost one month. Together date:8/23/17 to Break Up date:9/19/21. My boyfriend Victor Hulihee cheated at me for Ashley. I know he don’t want to marry me because he’s with his girlfriend. I break up with Victor because he’s cheated at me and he’s abuser since September, 2017. I have a new boyfriend Marty since September 19, 2021. We will get marry on next year. We met at Bayview hospital. I’m Marty’s first girlfriend. He’s virgin. I hope we still together forever.
Been with my other half 10 years. He knows i would like marriage and kids and we’ve not progressed at all. We’ve had talks about it all and he just says by bringing it up I’m prolonging things….. It’s been an issue for about 4 years now. I’m now at the stage where I’m weighing up staying and not getting what I want from a relationship or leaving and later regretting it….. Help
Leave and find what you want, but I recommend talking about it with him first.
You’ll regret not doing so for the rest of your life if you stay in a relationship with core goal values separate from yours.
I’m 52 years old an in a 4 year relationship, yet no proposal! We decided to abstain from sex 2 years ago when I got baptized and he is ok with that! We do really live together but we do everything together. He is 54 years old no children. He includes me in all his future plans when he retires, all his vacations he even went as far as putting me as his beneficiary in all his assets, investments, bank accounts anything owes has my name on it. He says he can’t stand to know if something happens to him I won’t be taken care of financially. Yet no proposal, he keeps telling me it’s coming but I’m not getting any younger and I still dream of getting proposed to and having a small intimate wedding. He wants to s shack up and then everything else will follow. I am 52 not 22 and if I move in with him I know I won’t get my ring and wedding , by the time he gets around to it God knows I don’t want to be an old bride! Lately, I want to walk away but he is a great man and I love him dearly!
I’m with my fiancé 4 years living together 3 years- He want me move in when he got heart attack.He was alone widowed like me.Dince that he got more health problems.I have to do everything.He don’t move finger.
But I said I’m not good enough for marriage?His answer is many people getting divorce.We we’re both married 50 years. I’m tired being alone never go with me shopping for groceries He can not even drive. I’m willing to have him as passenger and wait in disabled parking but he didn’t care.
Ive been with my boyfriend for 7 years im 26 hes 27 asked his mom if he could propose to me and she said no so hes not doing it but says he wants to get engaged what do I do?
I’ve been with my boyfriend for over 4 years and own a house & have a dog together. I’ve always thought we were on the same page about marriage as he’s always said he wants to, but it hasn’t happened. I’ve tried to talk to him numerous times to try and understand why he hasn’t proposed but he just shuts down whenever I try? I don’t get emotional but he still seems to hate talking about it? Is it time to accept its never going to happen? How can I be happy with that when I love him but I do want marriage in my life? Struggling 🙁
My bf of almost 4 years, is divorced. He doesn’t want marriage. He did said he wants a future with me but not marriage. Recently he showed me a ring but he still has not asked me yet. (Then He said he returned the ring.) I stayed with him thinking he might change his mind about it. But I gave him an ultimatum until end of this year, no ring will means break up. And I feel that he is good with it. I love him and we do well together except out end goal. I am in my mid 30s and waiting for nothing feels like wasting time that I wont get back anymore. Knowing already I want to be married and he doesn’t. Any suggestions? 🤦🏻♀️
I usually suggest the couple call me so I can assist and help in unwinding what is happening. One of my clients recently called me, they had the same issue. They called to tell me they were just married. Unwinding that knot was straightforward, so hard to say without knowing you and him and the intricacies of who you two are and what he and you both think marriage means and how you two connect and disconnect in that conversation.
I’m hoping this is still active.
I’m 32, he’s 36. We have been together for 13.5 years. We had a surprise child 18 months in, broke up, took space, still maintained closeness for our child. We grew back together after I got a college degree and a career level job. We agreed to move back in together, and we wanted another child. Health insurance was a barrier at the time, so it was baby first, marriage shortly after. Something must have happened because it was baby and then never marriage… 2 years later another “surprise” child who is now 3.5.
So to recap, 13 years, 3 kids ages 12, 5&3, no marriage. Obviously I made a lot of mistakes letting 3 kids into the world before taking care of my own needs, and I’m not perfect, I had a crap childhood and I’m still working on improving my life, but at some point I still want marriage and I’d like to know I can continue to grow with the support and backing that comes with marriage. I don’t want an expensive wedding but I’ve made it clear I would if that was important to him. He says he wants marriage too, and I’m not kidding when I say he talks about “we” in everything, but nothing ever moves forward. I’m afraid to leave for the children’s sake, but I’m beginning to think we’ll never be on the same page in our relationship. When we’re happy we’re happy, when we’re not we work it out. I know he’d go to the ends of the earth for me, as long as he doesn’t have to commit.
We did a short stint in marriage counseling and she was a big proponent of marriage and offered communication tools and then told us we were stronger than most except being unmarried and that we didn’t need to be there. That was a year ago, still no marriage.
I am at a loss to the next step I need to take.
It is still active. Sorry, it’s been hard to keep up with accepting comments and managing a website that quickly grew. I am really glad you wrote this and hope you will continue to find value here.
When you’ve reached this place of hoping and you’re not getting what you need, I typically recommend you talk to someone WITH your partner. Having someone help facilitate that conversation can do wonders. Is he open to speaking with someone (a relationship coach, counselor, therapist)?
I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year. He says he sees a future with me, he believes in getting married before moving in together, talks about our kids, we even had a pregnancy scare and he said he would raise the baby with me and that I would make a good mother. However, he is very neat and I am not, I have too much clutter. Your article confirmed my feeling that he sees clutter in his future. He has also been burned badly by exes who cheated and didn’t treat mental illness, taking it out on him by putting him down and abusing alcohol to the point of legal issues. He knows I am a good, honest, and healthy woman who takes care of herself and always treats him with care and respect (and vice versa), but I am afraid my clutter problem makes him wary. My whole family and most of my friends are messy like me, so while I know it isn’t ideal, I also don’t think it is a big enough issue to hold someone back from moving forward in a relationship if they are with the right person. I am working on “cleaning up my act” lol, but I worry that he will take a long time to propose, and I am getting older to the point where I am concerned about my time left to have kids. I know I have to have patience and can’t pressure him, but how can I ask the right questions to truly understand why he won’t propose without seeming pushy or desperate?
At least he still want to get married. Mine doesn’t and In terms of having kids my time is running out too.
My boyfriend was already married, has two grown-up children, and dealing with spousal payments. I want to get married, nothing big or expensive, even offered a prenup.
What did he say to the pre-nup? Usually, men or women who have been married and are hesitant to do so again feel that way for fear of failing again. Have you tried asking him about his fears, worries and concerns regarding being married again?
I have been dating my boyfriend for 3years and 5months. I love him and he does love me even more than I do love him but he won’t propose. I fear he is yet to propose because of finance…he once said he doesn’t want to propose and have to wait so long to marry me that wants to carry out everything within a week( traditional wedding, court wedding and white wedding) but on my part I don’t want a huge wedding in all I just wanna love him and be with him forever that’s all.
My mum is very worried cause I’m the first child and she wants to see her grand children and it worries her that the dating is taking so much time.
Most times when I remember all these it makes me emotional so sad. I really don’t know what to do. I have prayed and am still praying that God would make a way and sure I believe he would but sometimes I just can’t help it.
We are not living together but we are very intimate with each other although no sex, we choose to be celibate two years into our relationship and we’ve been like that moving on so well. But we are not married yet and by August this year we would be 4years into this relationship.
I need your help, I really don’t know what else to do, am kind of running out of patience 😭
Hello,
I’ve been In a relationship with a man for 14 years. We have talked over and over about marriage. I swear I get excuse after excuse. We are approaching our 30s, I am worried. I thought by now we would at least be engaged. I’ve told him several times I’d like to make that next step and I’m okay with an engagement for a couple of years. It’s stressful to me because we have the house, the dog, the career. All I hear from him is money. Money, money, money. That’s the only reason he won’t get me a ring. He’s had plenty of money in the account and he still hasn’t tried. First he tried to tell me he wants to buy a 10k ring ( which I absolutely do not need, nor want). Then it turned into needing our own place-had an apartment for 2 years together. That wasn’t good enough it turned into we need a better place. Now we have our own house. Now it’s well weddings are expensive….
It’s so embarrassing that we have been together for so long and he still isn’t ready to make that commitment. Our friends and family constantly ask. I always hear how great of a girl I am, why won’t he make the move. My grandfather was recently diagnosed with cancer and has been telling me the last few years I’m the last grand child he wants to see get married. My significant other is well aware of the issue and he just sits there silently and doesn’t even respond when I talk to him about it. He is completely dragging his feet. I’m going to be 30 soon & I want to be married and I want to have kids. It can only happen on his time. Many people have told him -there will never be the right time. I do feel like my biological clock is ticking. I don’t want to have kids in my 30s. I want to be married before I have kids. Unfortunately, it feels like I have to wait on him for everything. It’s getting to the point where I feel like I’m ready to grow up and he isn’t. I’m not sure how to handle it. We have a great relationship and we are great partners. I cant get him to grow up and make these next steps… I think its unfair that I have to be a wife without the title. Lately, I’ve stepped back from a lot because it is getting under my skin so much. They say you can’t force your partner and I don’t want to. I feel like something is wrong with me? Am I not the right one and are you waiting for something better? I’ve asked before, and again I just hear it’s about money. The money isn’t a problem…I don’t understand anymore.
My boyfriend say he is going to marry me one day but it us going to be on his terms when he us ready and not when I want him to .what do this really mdan?
My boyfriend of 2 years refers to me as his wife ALL the time. We live together have an 18 month old son. Says he is going to propose but just won’t do it. I’m 35 years old I need a commitment.
my boyfriend of 40 years still hasn’t proposed… :,(
If it’s been that long, I’d imagine he’s not interested in marriage and is just fine with not getting hitched. I wonder, if you’ve been together for 40 years, what would change or be different for you if he did propose? Have you two ever had a deep conversation about what marriage means to you and to him? Some couples I know who don’t get married, after a while realize not much would change (not that you certainly feel that way). My aunt and uncle eventually concluded, they felt safe with or without the marriage, because 3 decades together made them feel very secure. On the other hand, I have seen many women (sometimes men, but mostly women) lament that not getting married their feelings. It would mean a lot to them to get engaged and married. That I completely understand too.
I want to respond to the comment of asking what would change in a 40 year relationship. Legally a lot. Unless of course both parties have wills and living wills naming each other. Without a legal marriage a girlfriend doesn’t inherit and if something were to happen his family could block her from him if he couldn’t speak for himself. Marriage is a legal contract not just a day to pay a buttload to vendors and take pretty pictures.