Are you struggling with how to forgive unfaithfulness?
After you find out your partner cheated, the pain can feel so intense that being able to forgive your partner and trust them again feels impossible.
While forgiveness can be a long and challenging process, reaching a place where one is no longer consumed by hurt and anger is possible.
In this article, we’ll explore why a person might cheat so you can gain deeper insight into what happened and move toward acceptance.
Then, we’ll give you practical strategies for forgiving your partner and repairing your relationship after infidelity.
Table of Contents
What causes someone to cheat?
Let’s start by looking at common reasons why someone might cheat in a committed relationship.
Understanding what caused your partner’s infidelity does not justify their behavior.
However, gaining insight into what drove their actions helps you understand what happened and determine how to move forward.
Unmet needs in the relationship
In many cases, people say they cheat because they are dissatisfied with their relationship.
For example, you or your partner may feel emotionally neglected, lonely, or unwanted.
Alternatively, you may feel that your sex life is lacking and you don’t know how to make it more fulfilling.
When emotional or physical needs go unmet, you or your partner may seek comfort and connection with someone else.
Desire for novelty
A common reason a person expresses for infidelity is the desire for something new.
In long-term relationships, things can easily start to feel monotonous or stale.
If you or your partner aren’t intentional about keeping the spark alive, one or both of you may seek passion and thrill outside of the relationship.
Emotional disconnect
Sometimes, people say infidelity occurs due to emotional disconnection.
For instance, you and your partner may feel emotionally distant because of unresolved conflicts, lack of quality time together, or difficulty moving past hurtful words exchanged, even months or years ago.
In such a situation, you may seek emotional connection and intimacy with someone else.
Low self-esteem
Low self-esteem may be a factor in someone cheating on their partner.
If you or your partner don’t feel worthy or desirable, it can lead to seeking validation from other women or men.
This need for affirmation may manifest in inappropriate ways, like a physical or emotional affair.
7 strategies for forgiving a cheating partner
Now, we will guide you through seven practical strategies for forgiving your partner’s infidelity.
How to forgive unfaithfulness #1: Allow yourself to feel
After experiencing a significant betrayal, going through a wide range of emotions is normal.
You might fluctuate between feeling deeply sad and hurt and extremely angry.
Or you might be experiencing shame, questioning whether you somehow caused your partner to stray.
After infidelity, it can feel like everything you thought you knew about your relationship and your life has been pulled out from under you.
You may question whether you’ll ever be able to forgive your partner for the pain they’ve caused.
Give yourself time and space to work through your emotions and cheating traumas as they arise.
Don’t try to rush into forgiveness.
To truly heal, you need to allow yourself to grieve the relationship you once had and the future you envisioned together.
How to forgive unfaithfulness #2: Understand your partner’s perspective
Next, try to understand the reasons behind your partner’s infidelity.
Have as many conversations as needed to ask them questions about why they cheated.
Understanding your partner’s cheating doesn’t justify their behavior, but it does give you more context as you make sense of what happened.
How to forgive unfaithfulness #3: Determine what you need
Expressing your needs and setting healthy boundaries are essential when working to forgive cheating.
Consider what you need during this time as you seek to heal and mend the relationship.
For example, you might request that your partner cut off all ties with their affair partner or request access to their text messages as you rebuild trust.
Having firm boundaries allows you to define what needs to happen for you to heal and move forward.
How to forgive unfaithfulness #4: Seek professional support
If you are struggling to forgive after your wife or husband cheated, consider seeking professional help.
A couples counselor will help you process the complex emotions that accompany betrayal and support you in healing.
Additionally, a couples counselor will provide practical strategies for rebuilding trust in your relationship and moving forward.
In our work with couples with infidelity issues, we see most couples build even happier relationships than before the cheating was discovered.
There are often fundamental issues in the relationship that once repaired a relationship can be rebuilt on an even stronger foundation.
Book a complimentary couples consultation to see if working with us would be a good fit.
How to forgive unfaithfulness #5: Take care of yourself
As you focus on your healing journey, don’t neglect taking care of your emotional and physical well-being.
Self-care is crucial after a partner cheats because infidelity can shake your sense of trust and emotional stability.
Even though it is not a reflection of your worth, Infidelity can also make you question your value.
Showing yourself love can help you remember you deserve love and respect.
Make an effort to eat healthy foods, move your body, get enough sleep, and drink enough water.
Prioritize activities that replenish you, whether spending time with supportive family members or friends, reading, being in nature, or listening to your favorite music.
A painful relationship crisis can consume your life. Self-care helps your recovery and reconnect with what you want.
How to forgive unfaithfulness #6: Don’t rush the healing process
Healing after infidelity is an ongoing process.
Even after you forgive your partner, you may still have cheating triggers or experience negative emotions related to what happened.
When these difficult moments happen, avoid judging yourself for not being ‘over it already.’
Instead, remember that healing is not linear, and offer yourself grace and compassion.
There is no formula for how long it should take for the pain of infidelity to subside. However, following these strategies and getting support will make this process easier to navigate.
How to forgive unfaithfulness #7: Choose to let go of the past
There may be many layers to forgiving your unfaithful partner.
Rebuilding trust requires participation from your partner to atone for what they did and attune to your needs and feelings.
Another aspect of forgiveness is your willingness to trust again and let go of resentments. The bitterness can be like a poison inside.
With willingness and action from both of you, forgiveness can happen and you can focus on a stronger more loving future together.
One resource for you is the Save Your Marriage Workbook. The workbook offers expert insight into healing past hurts and moving toward a loving, healthy relationship.
Can you truly forgive someone for cheating?
Forgiving a cheating partner is challenging, but it is possible. The process is deeply personal and varies for everyone. It’s important to remember that forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or excusing your partner’s actions. It’s about letting go of resentment and finding peace for yourself.
Does infidelity pain ever go away?
Initially, the pain of betrayal may feel overwhelming. However, with time, people tend to find that the intensity of their feelings gradually lessens. Strategies that aid the healing process include taking the time to process your emotions, prioritizing self-care, and seeking support from friends, family, and professionals.
How long should it take to forgive a cheater?
The time it takes to forgive a cheater varies significantly. One betrayed partner may find forgiveness easier, while others might struggle for a long time. As forgiveness does not have a set timeline, be gentle with yourself wherever you are in your healing journey.
When not to forgive a cheating spouse?
Forgiveness is ultimately for you, not your partner. Many people confuse forgiveness with reconciliation. Even if you choose not to stay with your cheating spouse, you can still decide to forgive them, release anger and resentment, and find peace to move forward.
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