Do you often think, “My husband is dismissive of my feelings”?
You may have noticed this hurtful behavior but are unsure what to do about it or if he will ever change.
Feeling like your partner doesn’t care about your feelings can be frustrating and hurtful.
This article explores the signs that your husband dismisses your feelings, why it happens, and the negative effects dismissiveness can have on your relationship.
Then, we’ll look at six steps to get your husband to stop invalidating your emotions so you can finally feel heard and supported.
Table of Contents
What are the signs your husband invalidates your feelings?
First, let’s discuss the signs that your husband invalidates your feelings. There are numerous ways in which emotionally invalidating behavior manifests.
My husband is dismissive of my feelings – Sign #1: He minimizes your emotions
If your husband downplays your emotions and experiences, it clearly shows that he dismisses your feelings.
For example, if you tell him about an upsetting interaction with a friend, and he responds by saying, “It’s not a big deal,” or “You’re overreacting,” it indicates that he is not considering your feelings or concerns.
My husband is dismissive of my feelings – Sign #2: He is disengaged
Ignoring you when you express your concerns is another way your husband might dismiss your feelings.
He may redirect the conversation to other topics, reply vaguely, or even try to silence you when you share how you feel.
Additionally, he might indicate his disinterest or irritation through body language, such as rolling his eyes, sighing, or turning away.
My husband is dismissive of my feelings – Sign #3: He becomes defensive
When your husband dismisses your feelings, he may get defensive instead of listening to you.
For example, you tell your husband you feel disconnected and miss going on date nights together.
Instead of acknowledging your feelings, he might immediately get defensive and shift the blame to you by saying, “Well, maybe if you didn’t spend time with your friends every weekend, we could.”
My husband is dismissive of my feelings – Sign #4: He gives unsolicited advice
It can feel like your husband dismisses your feelings by giving advice instead of listening.
For example, you may share your frustration at work, and he jumps into problem-solving mode, suggesting things like, “You should talk to your boss about it.”
This response can feel dismissive if you seeking emotional support instead of problem-solving.
Why is my husband so dismissive of my feelings?
Now, let’s explore why your husband may dismiss your feelings.
He lacks self-awareness
Your husband’s tendency to invalidate your emotions might be due to a lack of self-awareness.
He may not realize his responses are dismissive, or you feel unheard during interactions.
This lack of awareness could stem from not fully understanding or being able to manage his own emotions.
Engaging with another person’s emotions can be very challenging without emotional intelligence.
He has a different communication style
Additionally, having different communication styles can affect your husband’s invalidating responses.
For instance, if your husband has a different communication style, he may approach situations more analytically and try to solve problems rather than validate your feelings.
While he may feel like he’s being helpful, you feel unsupported, and your emotional needs go unmet.
He is preoccupied with other things
Another reason your husband might dismiss your feelings is if he is dealing with issues in his own life.
For example, he could be stressed, tired, or preoccupied with other concerns, making it difficult to tune into your emotions.
There are underlying issues in the relationship
If you have unresolved relationship problems, your husband may struggle to connect with your emotions.
Lingering conflicts or past hurt can lead to him withdrawing emotionally from the relationship.
If you feel stuck because of your relationship problems, the Save Your Marriage Course will help you break harmful patterns and build a happier relationship.
Join the Save Your Marriage Course today.
What are the effects of emotional invalidation?
Emotional invalidation in a relationship can have numerous detrimental effects.
Let’s explore the potential consequences of feeling dismissed by your partner.
Communication breakdown
Invalidating responses disrupt effective communication.
It becomes difficult to have open and honest conversations if you feel unheard or misunderstood.
You may feel like your relationship is not a safe space to share hurt feelings or express yourself.
As a result, you keep your emotions inside instead of bringing them to your partner.
Low self-esteem
Persistent invalidation often leads to feelings of inadequacy or self-doubt.
When your partner constantly shuts you down, you may question whether your emotions matter.
You may even feel worthless in your relationship.
Diminished emotional connection
Over time, emotional invalidation leads to decreased emotional intimacy.
If your partner ignores your feelings, it makes sense that you wouldn’t feel safe sharing with them.
Without emotional safety, it isn’t easy to feel close and connected.
Increased conflict
When one partner feels invalidated, it often leads to more frequent or intense arguments.
Each time your husband dismisses your feelings, you might react out of anger or frustration.
Alternatively, you might stuff down your hurt feelings, building resentment toward your husband until it finally explodes.
How do I get my husband to stop invalidating my emotions?
Now that we have explored emotional invalidation and why it occurs in many relationships, let’s discuss ways to address your husband’s behavior and build a mutually supportive relationship.
Step #1: Communicate clearly
First, sit down with your partner and share your feelings calmly and respectfully.
Instead of hurling accusations like, “You always make me feel bad,” focus on your feelings.
Use “I” statements, such as “I feel invalidated when you tell me what I’m worried about isn’t a big deal” or “I feel hurt when you roll your eyes when I vent about my family.”
Give concrete examples of times you felt invalidated and how his actions affected you without sounding accusatory.
After you share your feelings, be open to your partner’s perspective.
There may be underlying issues affecting his ability to be fully present with your emotions.
Step #2: Ask for what you need
Then, it’s time to express what you need to feel validated and respected.
For example, you might express, “When I’m upset, I need you to listen and acknowledge my feelings, even if we disagree,” or “I need you to acknowledge my feelings without immediately trying to solve the issue.”
Step #3: Model emotional validation
If your husband frequently invalidates your feelings, demonstrating how you want to be treated can be helpful.
When your partner opens up to you, offer empathy and understanding.
Acknowledging and validating your partner’s feelings sets an example of how you would like to be treated.
Step #4: Set clear boundaries
If your husband keeps dismissing your feelings, set boundaries about what you need to feel heard and supported.
Let him know the consequences of continuing to invalidate your feelings.
For instance, you might say, “If you respond with invalidating responses like ‘You’re overreacting,’ I’ll need to take a step back from the conversation.”
Step #5: Be patient
When you feel invalidated by your husband, it’s understandable that you would want things to change immediately.
However, it’s important to remember that changing harmful patterns takes time.
Be patient as your husband adjusts to giving more emotionally validating responses and supporting you the way you need.
Step #6: Seek professional support
Couples therapy will help you improve your relationship if you feel invalidated by your husband.
Couples counseling gives you a neutral space for discussing challenges and learning strategies to build a mutually supportive relationship.
With the help of a couples therapist, you and your partner will practice communication skills such as active listening and asking open-ended questions.
Book a complimentary couples consultation to learn more about our marriage counseling services.
What is it called when your partner dismisses your feelings?
When a partner dismisses your feelings, it’s often called “emotional invalidation.” Signs of emotional invalidation include minimizing, ignoring, criticizing, or shaming your partner’s emotions. If left unchecked, emotional invalidation can have many negative effects on a person’s relationship and mental health.
Is dismissing feelings abuse?
Dismissing feelings can be a form of emotional abuse, especially when it’s consistent, intentional, and part of a broader pattern of behavior that undermines the other person’s emotional well-being. If you’re experiencing signs of emotional abuse, seek support from a mental health professional.
Why does my husband disregard my feelings?
In healthy relationships, partners validate each other’s feelings. If your husband isn’t paying attention to your feelings, there could be several reasons behind this behavior. These may include differences in communication styles, low emotional self-efficacy, poor communication skills, or unresolved conflict in your relationship.
What do you do when your spouse invalidates your feelings?
1. Express how you feel using “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory. 2. Clearly state what you need to feel heard and respected. 3. Seek support from a licensed marriage or couples therapist to move toward a loving, healthy relationship.
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