Do you ever find yourself saying, “My husband doesn’t listen to me?”
It can be very painful and frustrating to feel like your spouse is not paying attention when you’re talking.
This article will discuss why your husband may not be receptive to hearing you.
Then, we will guide you through 7 steps to help you improve communication with your husband so you feel heard and respected.
With a few simple changes, you can start to fix things and shift your whole relationship dynamic.
There is always hope, no matter how fractured your relationship may seem.
Table of Contents
Why doesn’t my husband listen to me?
First, let’s explore why husbands may stop listening to their wives.
Once you better understand your spouse’s behavior, you can take steps to address the issue.
He feels criticized or blamed
If you’ve noticed that your husband is not listening to you, it may be because he feels criticized or attacked.
For instance, if you say to your husband, “You’re so lazy. You never pick up after yourself!” Blame will likely make him defensive and less willing to hear you out.
When you approach your partner with criticisms and accusations or focus solely on their wrongdoings, they may stop listening altogether.
Related Reading: Conflict Resolution Tips
Your communication styles clash
Alternatively, it’s possible that your husband doesn’t listen to you because you both have different communication styles.
For example, your husband may stay silent to avoid conflict if you’re more emotionally expressive and passionate when raising concerns.
During heated conversations, he may become overwhelmed and shut down or give you the silent treatment.
While his silence may seem like he doesn’t care, he may be emotionally flooded and unable to have a productive conversation.
He thinks you don’t listen to him
Another potential reason your husband doesn’t listen to you is because he feels you don’t listen to him.
If you dismiss his feelings or opinions, he may feel he has no say in the conversation.
As a result, he might wait for you to stop talking so he can be heard.
Related Reading: My Husband Yells
He’s holding onto past hurt
If your husband is holding onto past hurts or resentment in marriage, it could affect his willingness to be present and give you his full attention.
Whether the hurt happened recently or a long time ago, unresolved issues create a gap between you and affect your ability to connect in the present.
He’s stressed or distracted
Lastly, your husband may not listen to you due to personal issues unrelated to your relationship.
For instance, he might be dealing with work-related stress or worrying about the health of an aging parent.
He might be too absorbed in his thoughts to focus on what you’re saying or give a proper response.
7 steps to more effective communication in your marriage
Now, let’s look at seven strategies you can use to improve communication in your relationship so your husband will be more likely to listen to you.
My husband doesn’t listen to me #1: Have meaningful conversations without distractions
Before bringing up important topics with your husband, consider the timing.
Is he distracted by work, watching TV, or scrolling on his phone?
To ensure you have your partner’s attention, wait until there are no distractions.
Additionally, ask your husband if he would be willing to set aside 5 minutes each day to put away distractions and check in with each other.
This way, you can discuss concerns, knowing your partner is fully present and engaged.
My husband doesn’t listen to me #2: Share how you feel
The next step is to express your emotions to your partner.
However, how express yourself can determine whether your husband will be receptive to you or not.
According to Dr. John Gottman’s research, the first three minutes of a couple’s conversation can predict how it will end.
Couples who start with harsh criticism and blame (such as “You never listen to me”) often have unproductive conversations and heated arguments.
To have a successful conversation, use a gentle start-up.
Instead of accusing your partner, talk about the specific behavior you’ve noticed and how it makes you feel.
For example, you might say, “I feel unheard when I discuss my concerns about the kids, and you don’t answer.”
Be honest and clear, and focus on your own experience instead of criticizing your partner.
By taking a softer approach, you’re more likely to have your partner be receptive to your words.
My husband doesn’t listen to me #3: Ask for what you need
After expressing your feelings, ask for what you need.
For instance, perhaps you attempt to ask your husband for advice or support, and he checks his phone and avoids eye contact. You could express a positive need by saying, “Can we go for a walk together without any distractions?”
In relationships, assuming that your partner knows what you need and chooses not to meet it is common.
However, that’s often not the case.
Your partner can’t read your mind.
If you want your partner to meet your needs, you have to communicate them clearly.
My husband doesn’t listen to me #4: Express appreciation
If you want your spouse to listen to you, show more appreciation and gratitude towards them.
It’s possible that over time, your partner started to expect negativity in your interactions.
This can make them feel like they are always doing something wrong or not meeting your expectations.
Focusing on what your partner is doing right, instead of what they’re failing to do, helps them feel seen and valued.
For instance, you might say to your spouse, “You’re so thoughtful for preparing my favorite meal,” or “I appreciate you walking the dog today while I was in a meeting.”
Building a culture of appreciation in your marriage adds deposits to your emotional bank account, which allows you to address difficult moments from a more positive, connected place.
To spark appreciation in your relationship, pick up the fun couples card game, the Appreciation Deck.
My husband doesn’t listen to me #5: Pay attention to your body language
Effective communication is more than just the words you speak; it also involves how you get your point across.
When communicating with your spouse, maintain open and welcoming body language.
Nonverbal cues, such as eye contact, reassuring nods, and gentle touch, convey to your partner that you’re not attacking them and help them lower their defenses.
My husband doesn’t listen to me #6: Ask for his input
In a healthy relationship, communication is a two-way street.
If your spouse feels their thoughts and opinions aren’t valued, they may become disinterested and not listen to you.
It may seem counterintuitive, but the reality is:
If you want your husband to listen to you, become a better listener.
When your husband is feeling heard, he’s more likely to reciprocate and listen to you in return.
Encourage your husband to share his thoughts and feelings and listen attentively.
Asking for his point of view on certain things helps him feel more involved and engaged in the conversation.
When you give your husband the same respect and consideration you expect from him, it can be truly life-changing.
Related Reading: How To Be A Better Listener
My husband doesn’t listen to me #7: Seek support to learn healthy communication skills
If you and your spouse continue to face communication challenges in your relationship, consider seeking marriage counseling.
With the guidance and advice of an expert, you will learn communication tools to reduce arguments and deepen connections in your marriage.
Book a complimentary couples consultation to learn more about marriage counseling and see if working with us would be a good fit.
Why do men not listen in a relationship?
While not all men struggle to listen in relationships, some may have difficulty due to external distractions such as work, technology, or other things. Additionally, different communication styles, emotional barriers, and unresolved issues in the relationship may prevent a man from actively listening to his wife.
Are husbands supposed to listen to their wives?
Yes. In a successful marriage, a husband and wife listen to each other and are open to accepting each other’s influence. Effective communication allows you to understand your spouse’s point of view and empathize with their feelings. Being a good listener builds trust, respect, understanding, and intimacy in a relationship.
What happens when husbands don’t listen to their wives?
When a husband ignores his wife, it can result in communication breakdowns, increased conflict, feelings of loneliness or isolation, emotional distance, and diminished trust. Over time, it’s common for a wife to start feeling unfulfilled and unvalued in her relationship.
How do you deal with a husband who doesn’t listen to you?
To deal with a husband who doesn’t listen to you, be honest about your concerns. Express how you feel calmly and respectfully. Be specific about the behavior that is not working for you and ask for what you need. Then, encourage your husband to share his point of view.
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