Identifying the signs of a healthy relationship doesn’t come naturally.
Unfortunately, most of us grew up in households where our parents had a toxic relationship, and no one showed us how to have a healthy one. That upbringing makes unhealthy relationships feel comfortable, but it doesn’t mean they’re good for us.
Having counseled over 1000 married couples, I know that most people don’t know what a healthy relationship looks like. Sadly, most of us have bad models of a healthy, happy relationship. While most of us know the signs of an unhealthy relationship, it’s just as important to learn the signs of a healthy partnership.
This article is here to help you easily identify, spot, and create a relationship that makes you feel safe, nurtures you, and lasts forever.
Knowing the signs of a healthy relationship can help us create a relationship that nurtures and makes us feel safe, loved, and connected to our partner. In addition, knowing how to identify what’s healthy will help us know when we have something good and will help us seek it out.
As you’re working to understand how to make a relationship work – learning these signs of a healthy relationship will help immensely.
Table of Contents
Healthy Happy Partners Make Each Other Feel Safe
If you’re in a relationship that doesn’t make you feel safe – it’s tough to have a healthy relationship.
Safety in a relationship is tantamount to everything else that proceeds in this list. Knowing that your partner cares about you and won’t hit or abuse you is essential to a healthy relationship.
Along with the sense of physical safety, you also need emotional safety. Knowing that your partner cares about your feelings and wants you to be happy is critical.
One of the signs of a healthy relationship is that both partners are genuinely interested in each other’s well-being. Both partners take time to ask each other how the other is doing. Both partners show concern when the other is hurting. Both of you are on the same page about what you want. If there’s gaslighting in your relationship or for some other reason, you don’t feel safe in your relationship – I suggest you seek help.
When your partner takes time to apologize if they’ve messed up and works to understand you – you can feel safe. Knowing that you can share your feelings and be heard by your partner is crucial to a long and happy, healthy relationship.
When your partner acknowledges how they messed up and works to make things better, it’s a sign of a healthy relationship. A relationship thrives when both people feel respected and cared for.
Healthy, Happy Partners Make Each Other A Priority
All the successful couples I’ve worked with have said this to me:
“My partner makes me a priority. And I make them a priority too.”
Knowing that your partner will make time for you is essential for a healthy relationship. When both partners get to know each other, go on dates, listen to one another, and spend time together – it makes both people feel special. We all need to feel cared about and important to thrive in love.
If we’re feeling sad and we know our partner will find time to support us, it helps us feel supported. When we’re excited and want to celebrate with our partner, it makes us feel together.
Being a priority doesn’t mean you’re always number one. It just means that you know you’re important and there’s time for you.
When I see couples who don’t feel close and lack intimacy, I know it’s because they haven’t prioritized each other. In those cases, one of my best pieces of advice is simple and yet very profound – take time to make each other a priority. Schedule a date night, dinner together, put work and even your kids aside, and put each other first for an evening or a weekend.
Regular date nights fuel the passion and desire between you.
Knowing that you have a specific priority in your partner’s life makes it worthwhile to give each other your heart, time, and love.
Healthy Happy Partners Are Committed To Improving
No one comes into any relationship perfect.
If anything, a relationship is where we’ll get perfected. Have our sharp edges rounded out and our defaults shown to us.
A healthy relationship is made healthy when both partners are committed to improving. Learning. Growing. And doing whatever it takes to learn how to love better.
In my case, I know that my relationship thrives because I know my wife will work to learn how to love me better. I know she’s committed to improving herself so our relationship can continue to get better and better. Knowing this makes me want to work on myself and feel it’s worth it to do what I need to be a better person and partner.
A healthy relationship isn’t a stagnant partnership. As they say, “you’re either growing, or you’re dying.” Your partnership depends on a commitment to improve and become better constantly.
If your partner listens to you and is actively working to fix any issues – you know you’re in a healthy relationship. Likewise, if you’re partner messes up in some way and they work on not making those problems again, it’s a sign of a healthy partnership.
Healthy Happy Couples Have Fun Together
A great relationship should be fun.
Do you enjoy your time with your partner?
And do you walk away feeling given to?
Do you feel rejuvenated and revitalized by your relationship?
Does your relationship make you feel more joy, fun, and alive?
If you feel enlivened by your relationship, it’s a sign of a relationship that is good. If your partnership is fun, uplifting, and promotes mutual enjoyment, you’re likely in a healthy relationship.
One of the critical components of a healthy relationship is that it feeds and nurtures you and adds to your life and sense of well-being.
Both Partners Listen To Each Other
Healthy couples have regular relationship check ins.
When you feel heard and listened to -it’s easier to feel open and loving.
If you’re looking for a sign that a relationship is healthy, look at how the partners talk to each other.
Do they give each other space to talk?
Also, do they ask each other questions?
Do both partners show curiosity and interest in each other?
Are both partners willing to actively engage in conversation?
When you look at codependent relationships, you’ll notice that it’s a relationship where there isn’t space for both people to share, talk, and listen. Or, if you look at narcissistic relationships, toxic relationships, or any unhealthy partnership – you’ll find they’re unbalanced. Healthy relationships require a give and take and thrive when both partners take time to talk and listen.
While one-sided relationships thrive on one person getting more, healthy relationships thrive on reciprocity. Happy couples give each other time to share, listen, and speak.
Both Partners Are Interested In Getting To Know Each Other
Research from the University of Washington by Drs. John and Julie Gottman found that the happiest couples all had one strong quality. Regardless of age, gender, sexual orientation, kids or no kids – whatever the case, every happy couple all had this one thing in common.
That one thing was that every couple showed a deep interest in their partner. Regardless of who they were, the happiest couples consistently worked to get to know their partner better each day.
Happy couples didn’t assume they knew other. They all used a particular skill that made their relationship thrive.
Gottman’s research studied thousands of couples over multiple decades, and time and time again, they found an essential ingredient of what makes love last is curiosity. Unlike unhappy couples who stop asking big questions and take each other for granted, the most successful couples actively work to get to know their partner. A big sign of a healthy relationship is found in how much curiosity partners express.
Check out our interview with Drs. John and Julie Gottman
Even if a couple had been together for 10,20,50 years, the partners still found new ways to learn something new about each other. This skill and characteristic set the happily married couples apart from the not-so-happily married couples.
As someone who’s worked with hundreds of couples, I’ve found that the happiest partners say things like:
“Every day, I am learning something new about my partner. Every day I work to get to know her better. Each day I work hard to date my wife and get to know who she’s become.”
Much like all of us use Google Maps to help us navigate a city, the information we have about our partner will help us steer our actions and behaviors, so our partner feels safe and loved by us.
If your partner shows you that he’s genuinely interested in you – it’s a strong indicator of a healthy relationship.
Learning The Signs Makes It Possible To Create A Healthy Relationship
When you know the signs of a healthy relationship, you’ll know better how to spot a healthy relationship. Instead of just waiting and hoping for a great partnership, you can build it and do what it takes to have a relationship that satisfies and fulfills you.
If you want to know more about creating a healthy relationship, pick up the Save Your Marriage Workbook.
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