Are you wondering whether you could be in a highly sensitive person relationship?
Do you feel like your relationship is struggling, and you’re not sure why?
Do your conflicts leave you overwhelmed or visibly shaken?
One or both of you may be a highly sensitive person.
Understanding this trait can help you build a healthy relationship.
In this article, we’ll explore the characteristics of highly sensitive people. Also, we’ll explore building a positive relationship as a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), and offer tips for supporting a highly sensitive partner.
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What is a highly sensitive person?
High sensitivity is an environment-based and genetic personality trait first identified by psychologist Dr. Elaine Aron.
A person with high sensitivity, also known as a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), has a sensory processing sensitivity.
This means their nervous system reacts more strongly to external and internal stimuli than others.
Studies conducted by Dr. Aron reveal that around 15-20% of people are born with this personality trait.
You may be a highly sensitive person if you:
- Frequently get trapped in negative thoughts or emotions.
- Criticize yourself harshly when you don’t meet your standards.
- Tend to feel easily hurt by your partner or other loved ones.
- Often take things personally.
- Struggle to accept criticism.
- Feel overwhelmed by bright lights, strong smells, or loud noises.
- Are highly attuned to the emotions of others.
- Feel deeply moved by art, beauty, and nature.
- Seek deeper, more meaningful relationships.
What are highly sensitive people like in relationships?
When it comes to relationships, being a highly sensitive person has advantages and challenges.
On the positive side, HSPs are typically very empathetic, which makes them caring and supportive partners.
However, if left unchecked, HSPs can focus on their partner’s needs to the point they neglect their own needs.
In supportive relationships, it’s crucial to recognize your tendencies and develop a deeper understanding of each other.
You’re tuned into your partner’s emotions
As an HSP, you have a natural ability to sense and understand your partner’s emotions.
You quickly pick up on how your partner feels by observing their facial expressions or tone of voice.
This skill helps you to recognize your partner’s needs and respond accordingly.
Your capacity for empathy is a gift.
However, absorbing your partner’s emotions can also be exhausting.
Over time, taking on your partner’s emotions can negatively impact your mental health and quality of life.
Furthermore, you may feel disappointed or resentful towards your partner if they don’t reciprocate the same emotional awareness.
You may feel overly sensitive in your relationship
You notice even the slightest changes in your environment, including your partner’s behavior.
This awareness makes you more prone to worry and overthinking.
For example, say your partner doesn’t hug you when they walk in the door.
Even though they assure you that everything is fine, you may still ruminate on the possibility that something is wrong.
You may even question if your partner still loves you.
You see more threatening consequences in your partner’s actions, which can lead to unnecessary conflict.
When you’re aware of this tendency, you can communicate openly with your partner to avoid misunderstandings.
You’re more aware of your partners flaws
As an HSP, you likely notice your partner’s flaws more easily.
That said, by being mindful of how you express your concerns, you’re likely to have a better response from your partner.
Criticizing your partner can make them feel attacked.
As a result, your partner responds defensively.
Instead, try to approach tough conversations while you’re in your window of tolerance.
You struggle with conflict
Dealing with conflict is often challenging for HSPs.
When conflicts arise, you may feel overwhelmed and react impulsively out of frustration or anger.
Alternatively, you may freeze up or shut down during heated conversations.
Some HSPs may even avoid conflicts altogether to keep the peace.
While avoiding sensitive topics may help in the short term, it can ultimately lead to decreased intimacy in the long run.
You are sensitive to criticism
Many HSPS struggle with receiving criticism from their partner.
In some instances, you may interpret their requests as negative feedback.
For instance, your partner might say they want to spend more time with you after you’re finished with a task. You might hear their words as a criticism of your behavior and that they only want to be around you if the task gets done.
You may get stuck in toxic patterns
If you deeply care for others and struggle with setting strong boundaries, it’s easy to get caught up in unhealthy relationship dynamics.
It is common for HSPs to find themselves stuck in relationships where they are mistreated or emotionally neglected.
For instance, you may find yourself in relationships with toxic partners who take advantage of your sensitive nature.
Narcissists often seek out highly sensitive individuals who prioritize others’ needs and do not stand up for themselves.
Consequently, highly sensitive people may be at a higher risk of getting involved with partners who manipulate them. There may be signs of gaslighting in their relationships.
Additionally, highly sensitive people tend to have lower self-esteem, believing their sensitivity is a personal flaw. You may believe your partner when they claim that you are “overly sensitive” and overlook signs of their manipulative behavior.
How to have a fulfilling relationship as an HSP
For this reason, HSPs may be more likely to find themselves stuck in relationships
Research by Elaine Aron suggests that HSPs may experience less happiness in their relationships.
Furthermore, HSPs may be more likely to feel unsettled by their partner’s actions and experience heightened stress.
Nevertheless, there are ways for HSPs to embrace their sensitivities and cultivate the meaningful connection they crave.
We’ll share with you some of our best highly sensitive person relationship advice.
Understand your triggers
The first step to thriving as an HSP is identifying your triggers.
Start by reflecting on what environments or situations heighten your stress levels and make you feel overwhelmed.
Take note of what your partner says or does that triggers anxiety or catastrophic thinking.
Also, think about what feelings or situations cause strong reactions.
Once you have identified your triggers, discuss them with your partner.
Share what being an HSP means for you, and create a plan for coping when you feel overwhelmed.
Also, talk about how your partner can support you during those times.
Set boundaries
It can be challenging for HSPs to set boundaries since they tend to give a lot of themselves to others, even if it is detrimental to their own life.
However, it is crucial to establish boundaries to conserve your energy and prioritize your mental health.
Boundaries help you define where you end, and someone else begins.
You can set external boundaries by saying no to your partner’s request to spend time together and taking time for yourself to recharge.
Additionally, you can set internal boundaries by supporting your partner without taking on their feelings or trying to fix their problems.
Prioritize alone time
It’s crucial to prioritize alone time if you’re an HSP, as you can quickly become overstimulated by the world around you, leaving you feeling drained.
Although you might feel guilty about taking time for yourself, it’s essential for you to be at your best and engage with others meaningfully.
Prioritize self-care, whatever that might look like for you.
Self-care could be as simple as walking outside or writing in a journal.
Be kind to yourself
Above all else, remember to be gentle with yourself.
Acknowledge that your sensitivity is not a weakness, and allow yourself to feel your emotions.
Avoid criticizing yourself for having them, as you are not “too much.”
You simply experience life differently than others.
Your sensitivity can be a superpower that leads to deeper understanding, compassion, and connection.
How to love a highly sensitive person
Being married to or dating HSP can prove challenging.
You may experience tension with your partner without understanding the root cause.
Alternatively, you may feel frustrated that you don’t know how to talk to a hypersensitive person.
To address these concerns, let’s explore the most important things you can do to love your HSP partner.
Communicate more than you think you need to
Communicate with your HSP partner as much as possible.
Even if you think they already know your feelings, they may need to hear them directly.
For example, if you feel stressed about a work presentation, you may be pacing around instead of enjoying breakfast with your partner.
While your partner may understand that work is stressing them out, they may still worry that there’s something wrong in your relationship.
To prevent misunderstandings and tension, effectively communicate with your partner frequently.
If you’re feeling off, it’s a good idea to let them know what’s going on so they don’t take any changes in your behavior personally.
Give them time to process
Highly sensitive people tend to focus on the emotions of others, which can consume a significant portion of their life.
Consequently, they may require some time to process their own emotions.
HSPs often spend a great deal of time engaging in self-reflection.
Acknowledge and respect your partner’s need to process their emotions.
They may not have the words to say in the moment.
Give them the time and space to share their thoughts when they are ready to do so.
Validate their emotions
HSPs often find it difficult to accept their emotions.
They may believe they are overly sensitive, emotional, or needy.
As a supportive partner, you can help them overcome negative self-talk by acknowledging that their emotions are valid.
If you hurt your partner, give them the space to express their feelings.
Let them know that their feelings matter to you and that you want to support them.
Accept their need for downtime
HSPs tend to be easily affected by their surroundings, which can quickly deplete their energy.
Therefore, it is crucial for them to have consistent alone time to recharge.
If you are in a relationship with an HSP, you should not expect them to be ready to connect immediately after work or a social event.
They may need to spend some time in a quiet room until they feel re-regulated and ready to engage.
To show your love and support for your HSP partner, give them the space to recharge without making them feel guilty or ashamed for needing solitude.
Stay curious about their inner life
HSPs crave deep connection.
However, they may struggle to find the love they desire because they fear their sensitivity pushes people away.
HSPs also frequently feel misunderstood in their relationships and tend to hide parts of themselves from their partners.
To build a deeper connection with your partner, have regular relationship check-ins.
Ask your partner about their inner thoughts, feelings, fears, hopes, and dreams.
Inquire about what kind of date nights and experiences they would like to share with you.
Show genuine interest in getting to know the aspects of their personality that they often conceal.
This effort can help nurture the deep love you both deserve in your life.
For a low-pressure way to start asking those questions and get to know your partner on a deeper level, pick up the Intimacy Deck.
Seek support
If you and your significant other are experiencing challenges due to high sensitivity, seek professional help.
A relationship coach can assist you in understanding how high sensitivity affects your relationship and teach you the tools to manage it.
Moreover, a relationship coach can guide you in addressing unhelpful behaviors and establishing healthier communication patterns.
At Lasting Love Connection, we’re trained and experienced in working with Highly Sensitive Person relationships.
Book a complimentary couples consultation to see if working with us would be a good fit.
When you acknowledge your tendencies, you can embrace how you experience the world and use your gifts to lead to deeper connections than you thought possible.
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