My wife hates me, and I’m devastated.
That sensation that your wife doesn’t like you …is the worst feeling.
When you feel your wife hates you, it’s time to make changes.
Let me start by sharing that quite often, the feeling of disdain isn’t so much hate. It’s an untoward reaction of your wife when she is in pain. This happens when she has unmet needs, unexpressed pain, and bottled-up resentment.
By reading this article, I hope you gain insight into what makes many wives present as hating their spouse and what you can do to help turn the tides in your marriage.
While I’ll be focusing on your wife today, please know that I am very aware that if you’re here, I know you’re in pain too.
Table of Contents
How to win the love back
It’s Not Hate, but Hurt
You may be wondering, ‘Why does my wife hate me?’
In most situations where one spouse feels hated, the emotions of feeling hurt and underappreciated fly both ways. Today isn’t about seeing both sides of things. This is more about helping you understand the top reasons why your wife might hate you right now (and what you can do). In that, it’s my hope that you realize your wives don’t hate you.
But instead, for you to see that you unintentionally hurt your wife’s feelings. She feels ignored and has some gripes that you haven’t fully heard or done anything to address.
As you are reading this, let me say that the more you choose to change, the more your wife’s anger will subside, and the more she’ll have space to be present with you, too.
I strive to help couples come together and get their love back. And I do acknowledge that isn’t always the case. However, this article begins with the premise that it is possible and worth working on yourself.
This article aims to help you accomplish two things
1. To help you understand the top three reasons why your wife is angry with you
2. To give you tools to shift your mindset and help subdue her anger (and get the love back)
Now let’s jump into the Top 3 Reasons wives feel angry with their spouses and what you can do.
My Wife Hates Me – You Don’t Do Enough
If you’re thinking, “my wife hates everything I do,” it may be difficult to pinpoint the reason for her feelings.
The top reason wives give for being angry at their spouse is,
“My partner doesn’t cook, clean, do chores, or help with the kids.”
As an experienced researcher and educator in the marriage field, I can tell you that couples fight a lot about chores.
In my office, many couples inevitably need my support in resolving fights regarding household duties. I have read studies that attribute 25% of divorces to an unbalanced division of chores at home.
It is common for couples to fight about the division of labor at home. If you’re thinking, “My wife told me she hates me,” and you’re wondering why… this could be one of the reasons that she feels so resentful.
In no way am I saying that this is the only reason your relationship is in its current state. Neither am I implying that you don’t do housework (because maybe you do). But I want to point out that this is one of the top reasons wives are upset and angry with their spouses.
You have likely already fought about the division of chores, and, likely, the argument didn’t go anywhere. And it probably left you both feeling resentful and misunderstood.
Given that this is one of the most common fights couples have, it is a possible reason why you feel like your wife hates you.
Before you read further, I’d like to invite you to ask yourself, “Is this a common issue in my marriage?” If your answer is yes, try thinking about ways to show up and help around the house. Studies show that wives who feel more supported around the house are happier and more attracted to their partners.
As simple or topical as this might sound, research shows that women thrive when they feel happier, more cared for, and more sexually turned on.
My Wife Hates Me — You Don’t Listen
Perhaps you’re wondering, “What does it mean when your wife says she hates you?”
Quite often, when a wife says that she hates her husband, she means, “I don’t feel heard, understood, or listened to by my husband.”
Sadly, many people do not know how to be good listeners.
We rarely meet someone who really makes us feel heard.
Listening to understand is an art. It’s one I’ve devoted all of my professional career hours to mastering… and I am still learning.
When I hear a husband lament about his wife hating him, I know she’ll share that she doesn’t feel heard or understood, particularly when she’s struggling.
Your wife is likely showing you hate because of her pent-up hurt and anger from feeling unheard. If you can learn to make her feel heard, you will see her disdain subside. She might even be thinking, “my husband hates me.”
You might argue that you understand your wife or that you listen to her.
However, if you’re thinking, ‘My wife tells me she hates me,’ it’s likely she is feeling unheard or unsupported.
The good news is that you can do something even when you feel like your wife is fed up with you. You can learn how to listen and make her feel heard, and you can shift this around with some proven techniques.
Related Article: What Do I Do If My Wife Yells At Me?
My Wife Hates Me – You Only Want Sex
The popularity of my article, “My Husband Wants Sex, But Not Intimacy,” reveals what makes many wives angry.
In my fifteen years of professionally helping couples, I can’t tell you how many wives lament that they don’t get enough intimacy and romance, but they get plenty of pressure for sex.Â
This fight is one of the most common issues that couples complain to me about. The fix isn’t too hard, but it begins with one partner acknowledging that their spouse desires more intimacy, non-sexual touch, and connection.
As I said earlier, I can’t count the number of spouses I’ve met who were certain that their wife hated or wasn’t attracted to them, to later find out that it wasn’t true. It was pain and unmet needs.
Many wives are hurting because their husbands don’t give them enough intimate/emotional connection. As a result, their sexual desire plummets.
In most marriages, intimacy suffers when one spouse is worried that they are hated.
Couples typically fight about three things more than anything else
1. Money – how you spend, save, and equally share
2. Sex – how often it happens when it happens, and what each person wants
3. Chores – the division of household duties and equality
Not all wives who say they are angry or hateful toward their husbands put sex at the top, but many do.
If you are questioning, ‘why does she hate me’, it’s safe to say that intimacy is a contributing issue.
The best way to resolve intimacy problems is to speak to your partner. I know that’s a tall order. Intimacy problems stem from other root issues that can crop up if they aren’t addressed first. Couples lacking strong communication skills don’t stand a chance to address these complex connection issues. If that’s you – I suggest you reach out to me (or find another professional to support you in these talks).
Getting the Support You Need
It can feel impossible to know how to be happy when your wife hates you.
If you’re thinking, ‘My wife hates me; should I leave?” know that there is hope that things can change.
If you are seriously concerned that your wife hates you and you’ve had this common fight, it’s highly advisable that you get professional support. The Save Your Marriage Course can help you deal with intimacy, communication, and connection issues.
I help couples unfreeze long-term dry spells. You’ll show your wife you’re taking action by picking up the workbook. You will address the intimacy and communication issues and help sort out with your spouse why you’re up at night searching, “I think my wife hates me.”
My wife started hating me recently but i love her a lot she is not interested in me anymore but i dokt want her to leave me