What can you do when the intimacy stops in a relationship? Are you doomed to fail or destined to break through the issues and find your way back to connection? Is there hope?
The answer is, “Yes!”
There is no need for you to resign yourself to a failed relationship. Intimacy can flourish again. When partners effectively communicate and find new joy and connection, intimacy can return.
Related Article: Intimacy Exercises
Table of Contents
What Happens When The Intimacy Stops in a Relationship
Relationships have an ebb and flow of intimacy and connection. It’s easy to get lost in mundane tasks and activities and put intimacy on the back burner. One or both partners may sense the growing disconnect. Couples often wait until a crisis before addressing the lack of intimacy in their relationship dynamic.
When the intimacy stops in a relationship, you or your partner may not communicate directly about your feelings associated with not having that connection. You may become resentful, hurt, or feel unattractive and less invested in your relationship. You may wonder if your wife lost attraction to you. You may start to think your husband isn’t interested in you anymore.
Some couples find the pressures of work, school, raising a family, and financial matters have taken center stage while their relationship waits in the wings. It can’t wait — there is no perfect time to address the issues other than when they arise.
How has everyday life or mundane tasks gotten in the way of the intimacy between you and your partner?
Related Article: I Have No Sex Drive And It’s Ruining My Relationship
Deeper Intimacy Means Better Sex
Perhaps you feel like your husband wants sex but not intimacy.
Intimacy is more than just sex.
Other forms of intimacy, such as intellectual, emotional, and physical (non-sexual), are equally important. In other words, intimacy is a scale and is more nuanced than just sexual. If one or more of these types of intimacy is lacking, you might find it more difficult to have sexual intimacy.
In sessions, many couples have told me that they would be more turned on if their spouse gave them more touch, curiosity, and romance. Similarly, many women have also said that they might feel more turned on if they had more help around the house. Often, great sex requires non-sexual intimacy bonds to be strengthened first.Â
Consider what area of intimacy your relationship is the strongest. What area of intimacy might need the most attention right now?
- Do you feel intellectually stimulated by your partner?
- Do you feel emotionally connected to your partner?
- How is the non-sexual physical connection between you?
By pondering these questions, you can look at what areas of intimacy you might need to give more attention to regain the sexual connection you might be missing. Take a moment to consider your answers and your partner’s responses.
Can a Relationship Survive a Lack of Intimacy?
Even if you have intimacy challenges in your relationship, you probably still care for your partner. Yet one or both of you may feel unattractive or unwanted. You may start to wonder if your wife or husband doesn’t love you anymore. Or you might feel like your partner loves you but doesn’t desire you– leaving you lonely and rejected. Even when the intimacy stops in a relationship, you can restore the passion by working together.Â
Relationships can survive and thrive when you commit to changing how you communicate with each other and prioritize your relationship. Small steps towards intimacy can lead to significant change. Dedicating time to have a relationship check in about each other’s needs is critical. Taking ownership of your role in intimacy reduces blaming.
Committing to working as a team to find solutions focuses your intentions and energy. How will you and your spouse make time for regular intimacy? Sometimes it helps to even schedule intimacy time.
How Do You Deal with a Lack of Intimacy in a Relationship?
The first step to regaining intimacy is all about communication. If you think about it, sex is just another form of communication. If you can’t talk about things, then it stands that connecting naked won’t work too well either. Talking with and listening to each other can go a long way to restoring intimacy. Mirroring and reflecting on what your partner shares ensures you are hearing what is important to them.Â
Owning your feelings and finding ways to identify and rectify where things derailed is vital. Emotional safety is essential to deepening intimacy.
Yelling, threatening to leave, and blaming your partner are counterproductive to regaining intimacy.
Actions (or inaction) caused intimacy to wane. You can improve intimacy by accepting how your behaviors contributed to the issue and committing to change what needs improvement.
- What actions or inactions from you have contributed to the lack of intimacy in your relationship?
- What are you willing to change to have the intimacy you want?
Finding Your Way Back to Intimacy
Do you remember what first attracted you to your partner? Believe it or not, the things that initially brought you together still exist. Through enjoyable quality time together, you can regain some of the goodness you had when you first met. Eliminating distractions and making time for consistent date nights isn’t easy, yet it’s essential to rebuilding intimacy.
Relationship goals can deepen intimacy
Taking an active role in recapturing what initially attracted you to your partner is vital. It’s a good reminder of the spark that lit the flame leading you to become a couple.
- What were the characteristics of your partner that attracted you?
- What types of things did you do together that resulted in intimacy (sexual or non-sexual)?
Ponder these questions and ideas to reignite those initial feelings and begin to close the gap between you.
Resource: Intimacy Deck Game
What if We Can’t Do This on Our Own?
In many cases, couples can benefit from the help of a compassionate guide to help them identify old patterns that keep them distant.
A relationship & intimacy coach can teach the tools to help couples find their way back to love.
Intimacy coaching allows you to reconnect with your partner through the support of an impartial guide. When you seek expert relationship guidance, you increase the likelihood of restoring intimacy in your relationship.
Related Article: What to expect from intimacy coaching?
Improve the Intimacy in Your Relationship
You probably wouldn’t be reading this article if intimacy wasn’t an issue for you and your partner. We have worked with thousands of couples to help them deepen intimacy.
Let us help you rekindle the intimacy you and your partner deserve. Get back the intimacy with professional guidance and proven methods. Access the Intimacy Workshop.
Your relationship is worth the investment of time and to create lasting intimacy for years to come.
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