What are the most common relationship problems that threaten to break couples apart?
This article will examine the 12 most common relationship issues that couples face.
Additionally, we will provide simple steps to resolve these relationship challenges and strengthen your partnership.
Table of Contents
12 common relationship problems and what to do about them
Let’s explore 12 common relationship problems and how to address them.
Poor communication
Effective communication is crucial for a healthy relationship.
Unfortunately, many couples struggle to communicate their feelings without getting into arguments.
According to Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship researcher, four communication styles can lead to the breakdown of a relationship.
These styles, known as the Four Horsemen, include criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.
When any of these behaviors are present in a relationship, it can cause damage to the trust and intimacy between you.
The presence of the Four Horsemen is one of the biggest signs your marriage will end in divorce.
Counter the Four Horsemen with their antidotes
- When you feel hurt or frustrated, resist criticizing your partner. Instead, use a gentle and calm approach to express your feelings and ask for what you need.
- To avoid creating contempt in your relationship, make a conscious effort to focus on your partner’s positive qualities and actions rather than what you perceive as missing or negative.
- If your partner expresses a concern, try to avoid becoming defensive. Instead, view the situation from their perspective and acknowledge any role you may have played.
- When a conversation becomes heated, take a break to soothe yourself and return to the discussion when both you and your partner feel calm and grounded.
Having the same fights over and over
It’s common to find yourself in a cycle of repetitive arguments with your partner that never seem to end.
If you and your partner are having the same fight over and over, it’s likely what is called a perpetual problem.
These relationship problems arise from fundamental differences in personalities or needs, making up about 2/3 of all relationship conflicts.
Perpetual problems cannot be resolved with a simple solution.
This is why you and your partner may find yourselves stuck in the same unproductive conversations that go around in circles.
Learn a new approach to recurring arguments
When you and your partner are dealing with a perpetual problem, the goal isn’t to fix it but to gain a deeper understanding of each other.
Take turns sharing why this problem is important to you and the past experiences that shape your current behaviors and fears.
For instance, if you and your partner frequently argue about leaving clutter around the house, you might explain why you feel strongly about keeping things neat.
You could share that you grew up in a messy and chaotic house and felt embarrassed about having friends over.
You promised yourself that you would do things differently when you had a place of your own.
On the other hand, your partner may have grown up in an environment where they felt consistently criticized and controlled.
For them, it is important to have the freedom to leave their belongings around without worrying about being judged.
Understanding how each other’s histories inform the conflict allows you to see your partner’s behavior differently.
This can help to dissipate the tension around the problem and make it easier for you to find a compromise that respects each person’s needs.
Related Reading: Healthy Conflict Resolution
Financial issues
Financial difficulties are one of the most common relationship problems that couples face.
When one partner has different views on money or spending habits than the other, it can create tension and conflict.
Get on the same page about money
To prevent unnecessary arguments about finances, establish honest communication.
Work together to develop a basic budget and establish expectations about who is responsible for which expenses.
Keep lines of communication open about managing money and working towards your financial goals together.
Unrealistic expectations
Many relationship problems stem from having unrealistic expectations of a romantic relationship.
Popular culture, such as TV shows, movies, and music, often inundates us with unhelpful messages about love and relationships.
They lead us to believe that we will be complete if we find the right person and all our negative feelings will disappear.
Consequently, many people enter into romantic relationships expecting their partner to fulfill all their emotional needs.
When their partner fails to meet those expectations, it leads to deep disappointment and hurt.
Talk to your partner about your expectations
Often, we have expectations that we don’t express.
When our partner fails to meet them, we feel disappointed and may question the relationship.
To prevent early relationship problems, practice effective marriage communication with your partner.
During these conversations, determine which expectations of each other are realistic and which may be unreasonable.
Discussing your expectations openly helps prevent overthinking about what your romantic partner is or isn’t doing and ensures that you are on the same page about the agreements for the relationship.
Difference in core values
As your relationship with your partner evolves, you may realize that you have different core values and beliefs.
These differences can become apparent when you try to raise children or pursue personal interests and goals.
If you cannot reconcile these differences, it can lead to other common relationship problems like repetitive arguments and decreased intimacy.
Seek to understand each other’s point of view
When trying to fix a broken relationship, remember that compromising your values and beliefs or trying to change your partner isn’t the solution.
Instead, it’s often enough to make an effort to understand and respect each other’s perspectives.
Doing so allows you to find a compromise that works for both of you.
Addiction
Substance abuse issues put a significant strain on a relationship.
One partner’s addiction can damage the trust between you and your partner, as well as other family members.
Seek professional help for substance abuse issues
If you or your partner are struggling with addiction, seek support from a mental health professional.
A trained expert will help you identify the root cause of the addictive behavior and develop healthier coping strategies.
Trust issues
One of the most common relationship problems couples face is the lack of trust.
Trust is essential for any healthy relationship, and its absence can have serious consequences.
Multiple factors contribute to trust issues, such as trauma from previous relationships and lying or hiding things in the current relationship.
When there is no trust, it can lead to unhealthy behaviors, such as violating each other’s personal space and privacy.
Take steps to build trust
Building or rebuilding trust in a relationship is a complex process.
It doesn’t happen overnight and requires consistent effort from both of you.
To establish trust:
- follow through with any commitments made to each other.
- be honest and transparent in all aspects of the relationship.
- be attentive and supportive to each other’s feelings and needs.
Over time, you and your partner can rebuild trust and strengthen your relationship.
Different needs around sexual intimacy
Sexual problems are a common source of distress in a long-term relationship.
For instance, one partner may have a higher sex drive than the other partner.
As a result, the partner who wants sex more feels frustrated and rejected.
Meanwhile, the partner who wants sex less feels pressured, which decreases their desire further.
Alternatively, you and your partner might find that your sex life has gotten predictable and unsatisfying, though you’ve both been too afraid to talk about it.
Check in with each other about your sex life
In many adult relationships, concerns about sexual intimacy go unspoken.
To avoid built-up resentment, make sex and physical intimacy an ongoing conversation.
Check in with each other regularly to discuss what is going well in your sex life, what you’d like more of, and anything new you might want to explore.
Additionally, if you or your partner are experiencing intimacy issues (like a lack of sexual desire), talk about what you need to feel more connected and turned on.
Join the Intimacy Workshop.
Not prioritizing time together
If you and your partner have been feeling distant from each other recently, it may be because you haven’t been making an effort to spend quality time together.
It’s common for couples in long-term relationships to get caught up in the grind of everyday life and begin taking each other for granted.
But if you don’t prioritize nurturing your relationship, your emotional connection can diminish over time.
Commit to a consistent date night
Stay connected with your partner by setting aside time for a consistent date night.
You don’t have to break the bank or plan anything extravagant for your date nights.
They can be as simple as grabbing tea or coffee together or taking a walk after dinner.
The most important thing is that you spend quality time together.
Focusing on each other during these moments strengthens your emotional connection and deepens intimacy.
For 100+ unique date ideas to keep things fresh, pick up the Date Night Workbook.
Lack of support
One of the most powerful parts of a relationship is knowing that someone else has your back, no matter what life throws at you.
When you can’t rely on your partner for support, life can feel isolating.
Ask for what you need
If you feel your partner is not providing you enough support, it may not be because they don’t care about you.
It’s possible that they don’t know what you need from them.
Instead of expecting your partner to read your mind, express your needs directly.
Check in regularly about what is weighing on your mind and how you can support each other through life’s challenges.
Boredom
In a long-term relationship, it’s common to experience boredom at some point.
When relationships start, you feel intense emotions due to the release of feel-good chemicals.
However, as the relationship progresses, these feelings fade, and a comfortable routine sets in.
When life becomes predictable, it’s natural to start craving the passion and excitement that you once had.
Ignoring these feelings of boredom can lead to more serious relationship problems, such as infidelity.
But the good news is that you don’t have to look elsewhere to find those passionate feelings.
Instead, you can reignite the spark and find that excitement in your present relationships.
Try something new
Boredom is a relationship problem with a simple solution.
If things have felt stale in your relationship lately, try something new.
Make a list of new hobbies or projects you could take on as a team.
Experiencing something new together fuels feelings of passion and attraction and helps to deepen intimacy.
To never run out of unique ways to spend time together and grow closer, pick up the Relationship Workbook.
Infidelity
Infidelity is one of the most painful relationship problems to go through.
And yet, physical and emotional affairs are surprisingly more common than we think.
Many contributing factors can lead one partner to cheat, such as unmet emotional needs, sexual dissatisfaction, and unresolved issues within the relationship.
Seek support to rebuild trust
If you or your partner is dealing with this relationship problem, we recommend seeking couples therapy to aid in the infidelity recovery process and move forward.
A trained therapist will help you identify the underlying issues that led to infidelity and assist you in taking the necessary steps to repair the damage and rebuild trust between you.
Seek support to address relationship issues and move toward a healthy relationship
Even good relationships can sometimes be plagued by challenges.
It can be challenging to see outside the problem when we’re in it and get stuck.
That is why having the support of a third person who can provide new perspectives is so important.
A marriage coach will give you expert guidance on navigating your relationship difficulties.
Additionally, a marriage coach will equip you with the tools to identify and solve relationship problems that may arise in the future.
To get started addressing your relationship issues, book a complimentary couples consultation to see if working with us would be a good fit.
How do you know if a relationship is worth saving?
If you and your partner are willing to try to address relationship issues and work on things, then your relationship is most likely worth saving. However, if only one partner is committed to working on the relationship, it can be challenging to bring about meaningful change.
Is it too late to save my relationship?
No. With expert support, you and your partner can work together to resolve your relationship issues and achieve the happy and healthy relationship you both desire. Through couples therapy, you will gain good communication skills and the necessary tools to navigate relationship challenges.
What is the number one deal breaker in a relationship?
Abuse of any kind (including physical abuse, verbal abuse, sexual abuse, etc) is unacceptable and needs to be addressed immediately. If you are in an abusive relationship, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline to get support from a mental health professional.
What is a toxic relationship like?
Toxic relationships are characterized by recurring patterns of interaction that cause emotional, mental, or even physical harm to one or both partners. Signs of an unhealthy relationship include lack of respect, controlling behavior, continuous criticism, dishonesty, and persistent emotional turmoil.
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