Signs My Husband Is Cheating – 12 Red Flags To Watch Out For

Are you looking for signs that your husband is cheating? If you’re worried that your husband has been unfaithful, you’ve already seen one of the signs — your gut feeling.

Although that is not enough, your concern alone should be a red flag.

Sadly, many couples have issues with infidelity.

The research shows that around 25% of all marriages have infidelity problems.

We also know that statistically, husbands cheat more than women, but that doesn’t mean your partner is cheating.

To help you know if your partner is cheating, it’s good to know the signs.

Further, it would help if you talked to your partner.

Even if he isn’t being unfaithful, your suspicions show some fractures in your marriage.

If you speak to your partner and still have a gut feeling that he’s not being honest, it’s time to seek professional support.

You are welcome to contact me or seek support from another expert. 

A Word Of Caution Before Reading 

Just because the signs are there doesn’t mean your partner is cheating. Talk to him immediately if you’re worried about your husband cheating. Seek professional support if that doesn’t resolve your concern. You should take your fear seriously. A healthy marriage is built on open and transparent communication. Feeling safe is crucial to a great marriage; right now, you’re not feeling secure with your partner.   Even though you’ll only know the truth if you catch him or he tells you, these signs can help you feel more comfortable addressing the issue.

To help you spot the signs that your husband is cheating, it’ll help to know the two types of infidelity. 

What Are The Signs My Husband Is Cheating?

There are some signs to look out for if you’re worried he’s cheating.

1. A Gut Feeling He’s Cheating 

Listen to that gut feeling that he’s cheating. Quite often, this is the first warning sign of a cheating husband. In my case, this was the most dramatic warning sign that led me to discover my former partner was engaging in emotional cheating and physical affairs.   

If you’re worried that he’s unfaithful, pay attention. Don’t override this gut feeling. Talk to him now. Even if you’re wrong and just paranoid, it’ll be good to share your concerns.

By talking to him as soon as possible, you can see how he responds. Even though liars can be skilled manipulators, not every suspicion is true. If he is cheating and you bring it up — he might tell you.

Of course, that doesn’t usually happen, but talking to him can help you create open communication. As much as you think it might hurt him to hear that you’re concerned, withholding will worsen the situation.

Not sharing your worries is only a matter of time until you start feeling resentful and become short-tempered. The fact that you’re worried should be cause for alarm. This worry alone topically means there are significant issues in the marriage. The fact that you’re reading this does not mean he’s cheating, but it means there are other marriage issues. After reading today, no matter what you conclude, take it seriously that you are here and consider professional support. Schedule A Couple’s Consult

2. He Creates New Passwords And Doesn’t Share Them. 

The most significant tell-tale signs of a cheater are hiding. The more secretive your partner seems, the more likely he’s cheating or, worse yet, hiding something more serious.

For example, if your partner changed his passwords online, start paying attention. For him to cheat successfully, he needs to hide it from you. Changing passwords, creating new accounts, and making sure you can’t get into his accounts is one way he’ll make sure you never find out he’s cheating. Whether he’s taking secretive phone calls at odd hours or changing his passwords — hiding things is one way to keep an affair out of sight. 

3. He Takes Calls And Messages At Odd Hours 

Has your partner been getting calls at odd hours? Secretive conversations are essential to any affair. When new friends start popping up on his phone, and he steps away to take these calls, you need to pay attention. If he seems secretive — trust your gut.

Sure, it could just be work, but if he’s doing this a lot and it’s unusual, you need to take this sign seriously. When your partner starts taking secretive calls from people you’ve never met, it’s normal you might feel alarmed. While this doesn’t certainly spell out cheating, it is a sign that you and your partner need to talk. If you don’t know who’s calling/texting at odd hours, you should be able to ask. It’s okay that this might cause alarm.

If there are signs your husband is cheating, say something.

You have a right to voice your concern. It’s okay for you to inquire about who’s calling and texting. And if your husband is being contacted at odd hours, your concern is normal.

As much as it might make you afraid to approach him with your fears, you’ll need to do it. By talking to him, you’ll better assess the situation. Then, when he knows what is going on for you, he can also have an opportunity to explain himself and do what is necessary to make you feel safe again.

Calmly approach him and say something like this:  “I’ve been noticing you’ve been taking a lot of calls away from me. These calls aren’t from your normal coworkers, and it makes me a bit worried.”  He might ask you what you mean, or become defensive. Both reactions are normal, but he will listen if he cares about you and wants you to feel safe. Then, he will work to make you feel safe again. 

4. He Steps Away To Take Calls From Unknown Callers 

Stepping away to take calls and messages isn’t completely abnormal, but you have the right to feel suspicious if it’s happening at odd hours and happening regularly. If your partner is stepping away to take calls and it makes you uneasy, talk to him.

The best thing is to have a frank conversation with your partner. Frayed trust in a relationship spreads like cancer. The only way back to health is open and healthy dialogue.

Set time aside to talk with your husband about your concerns. While there is always a chance for a reasonable explanation, you’ll only know if you talk to him. As much as you need trust, you need to openly communicate your fears, concerns, and worries.

Even if your husband has a reasonable explanation, your worries spell out trust issues and relationship problems that need to be addressed.

For example, stepping away to take calls is a common sign of someone cheating. You should be able to ask who is calling, and if it’s odd hours, it’s more typical for you to feel alarmed. 

5. He’s Staying Late For Work Often   

Extra hours at the office aren’t unusual. Yet, this is one way cheating partners make spare time for their extramarital affairs. Your worry here isn’t unfounded, but it isn’t enough for you to be sure he’s cheating. If he’s staying at work later than usual and the other signs on this list are present — it’s a strong indicator that something is off.

All of us have periods when we need to work extra hours. But, of course, long working hours alone can’t be enough to make you confident about your suspicion unless coupled with the other signs. 

6. He Gets Defensive When You Say You’re Worried He’s Cheating 

Being accused of something like cheating can make anyone defensive. So it makes sense your partner may react with defensiveness. It hurts to feel accused of hurting someone you love.

These reactions don’t certainly spell out that he’s cheating, but they are also small red flags to notice. Knowing if he’s overreacting can be challenging.

To help you assess if he’s overreacting, take a look at these questions: 

• Does your husband get defensive with you or start yelling at you when you bring up your concerns?
• Does his defensiveness last a long time? (The more extended he’s defensive and upset, the worse the red flag).
• Does he acknowledge, or does he turn things around on you? (If it somehow turns into your problem, take note. This is a sign of gaslighting). 
• Do you find you end up feeling blamed and apologizing after these talks? 

(If you feel blamed and guilty at the end of these talks, the more I suggest counseling). Quite often, guilty people react with strong defensiveness. The more he seems to fight and defend- the more you need to pay attention. A loving and caring partner might react with some defensiveness, but then he should be able to empathize. If you’re not getting the compassion and care you need, that is a problem. Even if he’s not cheating, his inability to listen and help you feel safe shows a big red flag.

When you voice this concern, your partner will ideally move past the initial defensiveness and show concern. He will listen, work with you to create safety and rebuild a healthier relationship. If that’s not happening, you have a safety issue that needs attention. If he’s highly defensive, it could mean he’s hiding something.

This sign doesn’t prove he’s cheating, but it does show that you two need to work on creating more emotional safety and better communication in the marriage. Trust needs to be rebuilt in your marriage.

7. Unusual Expenses On Your Accounts 

As you’ve read about signs that your husband is cheating, hopefully, you’ve noticed one thing:  Unusual behavior that doesn’t have an explanation leads to concern. If odd expenses are popping up and multiple signs on this list are also present — be alarmed. Once you notice unusual purchases, it’s good to address this head-on. Ask your husband what the charges were for. Many couples have clashes around finances.

If that is something you two have, the issue may not be cheating, but it’s still essential to address the unusual expenses. If this sign is coupled with the other signs, the more likely your husband is cheating. When you notice unusual expenses, increased interest in appearance, and a gut feeling that he’s cheating, you should be concerned. 

8. He Won’t Let You Into His Social Media/Email Accounts. 

A cheating husband needs to hide his affair. You can tell he’s hiding how much he doesn’t share with you. Accessing your partner’s accounts is perfectly normal in any healthy relationship. If your partner used to give you access to his email, phone, and social media accounts — but now doesn’t, you should be concerned. In all of my work and research, I have learned that the internet is one of the top ways cheating spouses start affairs. When you request to see his accounts, and he doesn’t let you, it’s a sign that he’s hiding something.

These days, social media and online sites are the top ways cheating partners start affairs. From Ashley Madison to social media sites like Facebook – unfaithful husbands can quickly start affairs online. However, a caring husband who wants you to feel safe should welcome transparency.

As much as it seems overkill, seeing his accounts is legitimate if that is what it takes to help you feel safe. When you reach the point that you need to push for this type of transparency, take it as a sign you two are having a breakdown in trust. 

9. He’s Deleting Messages Or Parts Of Conversations 

Cheating only works if your partner doesn’t know. Deleting parts of a conversation can be a sneaky way to be transparent while hiding. He might delete parts of conversations to keep an affair alive and make you feel safe.

If you see details of conversations absent from threads, it means he’s hiding something. As stated before, it may not mean that he’s cheating. It just means he’s hiding something. Aside from cheating, there are other reasons to delete parts of conversations. Here are some common reasons he might cut out parts of his conversations:  

• You don’t like how he talks with a particular friend 
• The topic isn’t something he wants you to see that he’s talking about 
• It could be a talk about a surprise (rare, but worth noting)
• He is flirting and engaging with someone in an appropriate way (emotional infidelity) 
• He is cheating but is trying hard to hide it

Cutting out parts of a conversation is a way to hide something, and if you see it, you should address it with your partner. 

10. He Has New Friends And Won’t Let You Join On Outings. 

New friends, new clothes, new expenses. These are small signs of a husband who is cheating or at the very least — growing apart from you. Even if he’s not cheating, the feeling of growing apart is a red flag for any marriage. If this life he’s creating is secretive, you may feel worthless or unimportant to him.

That could be drug use, cheating, or a couple that is becoming more disconnected. If you ask to join on his outings, and he won’t let you join— it’s time to be on high alert. Keeping secret friends is one of the ways cheating partners keep affairs going. If you request to meet his friends, he won’t let you take this sign very seriously. From personal experience, secret friends are a severe issue for any marriage. Although you can’t be sure that this means he’s cheating, you need to take aggressive action.

He may not be cheating, but it means your marriage is missing something. Perhaps you feel emotionally neglected. You both need to put some focus on making the marriage better. When he seems like he’s changing too fast and won’t include you in his new life, your marriage needs help.

Speaking from personal experience, when my former partner began to spend time with strangers and wouldn’t allow me to join. I should have realized she was cheating. In your case, it may not mean that he’s cheating, but it does mean you two aren’t connected. A healthy relationship requires safety, connection, and knowing who your partner is. If your partner starts to cut you out, you should be concerned. 

11. You Find Condoms In His Jeans Or Car 

Many committed couples don’t use condoms. If condoms aren’t something you two use, and you’re finding them around — be very concerned. Finding condoms in your partner’s pants or car can mean he’s cheating. Much like new friends, new expenses, and your gut feeling — this red flag is one of the big ones. There are only a few examples where condoms appearing isn’t a big red flag. Let me share those examples with you here: 

• You use condoms in your relationship.
• He still has condoms from before you (new couples only.)
• You recently briefly used condoms, and he still has some around. 
• The condoms are old, and you can tell. 
• You found the condoms in his storage.
• You found condoms in old clothing.

Besides these few examples, condoms showing up typically signals that your husband is cheating. So my point here is this: If you find condoms and are concerned, you have a right to be alarmed. 

12. Your Husband Is Not As Affectionate

If your husband has pulled away, doesn’t initiate sex, wants sex but not intimacy, or doesn’t seem interested in you physically, then it might signify a few things.

His lack of physical affection could be a sign he’s cheating, but there are a few other reasons he’s pulled away.

Perhaps some of the passion has faded, and you need to reignite the spark between you.

Maybe your husband is watching too much porn. Or he’s not attracted to you like he once was.

You may wonder if he still loves you or even think he hates you.

If the intimacy has stopped in your marriage, this is a warning sign your relationship is in trouble.

To reignite intimacy and passion in your relationship, pick up the Relationship Workbook.

Conclusion To Signs My Husband Is Cheating

Sadly, there are only two definitive ways to know your man is cheating:  He tells you, or you catch him red-handed. Your concerns create a lack of safety in the marriage, and you shouldn’t overlook these signs. If you’re worried he’s cheating – talk to him.

When your conversations don’t help, seek professional support. If you do find your husband cheating, you’ll have to decide whether to leave your lying spouse or mend the relationship.

Infidelity is deeply painful, and it can be so difficult to heal and move forward from such a hurtful experience. It’s important to explore when to walk away after infidelity.

The best way to survive infidelity is to start relationship coaching or marriage counseling. Get an expert involved. You can smooth out the road ahead by having help. Trust your gut if you’ve read these signs and have already spoken to your husband but are still afraid he’s cheating. Seek professional support. No matter how irrational you think you’re being, your fears hurt you.

Addressing these worries with your partner is essential for a healthy marriage. It doesn’t matter if you catch him in the act or not. You deserve to feel safe in your marriage. If you’re worried your husband is cheating, address the issue head-on.

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