Are you struggling with how to deal with your husband not wanting you?
Feeling like your partner is no longer interested in you can be deeply painful and confusing.
You may wonder what caused this shift and what you can do to reignite the intimacy and passion in your marriage.
In this article, we will discuss some common reasons why sexual intimacy fades in relationships.
Then, we’ll share seven practical steps to address the lack of intimacy and bring the spark back into your relationship.
Table of Contents
Why does sexual intimacy stop in a relationship?
There could be various reasons why your partner doesn’t want to have sex or be intimate.
Rather than jumping to conclusions about your partner’s feelings towards you, consider outside factors that could be impacting his sex drive.
Stress
Excessive stress levels can decrease sexual desire.
When a man experiences stressors like pressure at work, financial concerns, or family conflicts, sex may become a low priority for him.
If your husband is displaying less interest in sex, he’s likely overwhelmed by the stressors in his life.
Health concerns
Alternatively, your husband’s decreased sexual interest may be due to an underlying physical or mental health condition.
Certain health conditions, such as diabetes and prostate cancer, are commonly associated with low libido.
Also, low sex drive can be caused by hormonal imbalances.
Research has found that 13% of men have low testosterone levels, which causes low libido and decreased energy, negatively affecting their sex lives.
Further, mental health disorders like depression and anxiety and certain medications used to treat these conditions have been connected to decreased sexual desire.
Erectile dysfunction
Another reason why your partner doesn’t want to have sex or be intimate could be because he’s struggling with erectile dysfunction.
Experiencing sexual issues like premature ejaculation or delayed ejaculation can lead to feelings of inadequacy, frustration, and anxiety about sexual performance.
These struggles can make a person feel shut down and hesitant to be sexually intimate.
If your husband is experiencing erectile dysfunction, there are various treatment methods, such as sex therapy or intimacy coaching.
A sex therapist will give your husband strategies for navigating erectile dysfunction and improving communication about sex.
Porn use
If your husband doesn’t seem interested in you, it could be due to his porn habits.
Some men use porn to get their sexual needs met without risking rejection or confronting their fear of being enough to satisfy another person.
For other men, porn is a stress-relieving pastime or a way to explore sexual fantasies or curiosities without shame.
Whatever the underlying motivation, regular porn use may make your husband less interested in sexual activity with you.
Related Reading: My Husband Watches Porn
Relationship issues
When one partner doesn’t want to have sex, it may be due to deeper issues in the relationship.
Unresolved conflicts, built-up resentments, and emotional distance negatively impact a couple’s sex life.
7 steps for how to deal with your husband not wanting you
Regardless of why your partner no longer wants to have sex or be intimate, his distance may feel overwhelming.
You may question if your husband still loves you.
Here are seven steps to address the disconnect and restore intimacy.
How to deal with your husband not wanting you #1: Acknowledge your feelings
Feeling that your partner doesn’t want you can be a deeply painful experience.
You may start to wonder if your husband is no longer attracted to you or if you did something wrong.
Whether the change in your intimate life happened gradually or abruptly, it is normal to be confused, insecure, or even feel worthless.
Know that your feelings are valid and deserve to be acknowledged.
If the lack of sexual intimacy is causing hurt and disconnection in your marriage, it’s worth addressing the issue.
How to deal with your husband not wanting you #2: Talk about your sex life
Once you’ve processed your emotions, the next step is to have an open and honest conversation with your husband.
Effective marriage communication about sex can be a sensitive topic and brings up intense emotions.
When confronting intimacy issues, the most important thing is how you approach your partner.
If you start the conversation by saying something like, “You never want to have sex anymore,” your partner will likely get defensive and shut down before anything gets discussed.
When initiating difficult conversations, practice what Dr. John Gottman calls a soft start-up.
A soft start-up is a gentle way to bring up concerns without blaming or attacking your partner.
For example, you might say, “I just wanted to check in with you. I’ve noticed we’ve been having less sex lately. Has anything changed for you recently?”
Starting the conversation this way allows your husband to share without defending himself.
As your partner shares, listen attentively without interrupting.
Be prepared that your husband may not be aware of what is causing a shift in sexual desire.
If your husband can’t pinpoint any changes in his stress levels or within the relationship, encourage him to talk to a doctor and rule out any underlying medical causes for his low sex drive.
Whatever is at the root of your husband’s decreased interest in sex, offer your support.
Let him know that you are there for him and you will work through this challenge together.
For example, if your husband feels like your sex life has become stale, talk about new sexual experiences you’d like to have together.
How to deal with your husband not wanting you #3: Deepen emotional intimacy to fuel sexual desire
Often, a lack of sexual intimacy is due to a lack of emotional intimacy.
If your sexual connection has been suffering lately, focus on building your emotional connection.
Simple ways to improve emotional intimacy
- Plan a weekly date night.
- Put away your devices and talk about your day for 30 minutes every evening.
- Ask meaningful questions to learn more about your partner.
- Play the Intimacy Game to spark interesting conversations.
- Express appreciation for your partner.
- Have regular relationship check-ins.
- Support each other’s dreams and goals.
Related Reading: Improving Emotional Intimacy
How to deal with your husband not wanting you #4: Try something new
Over time, long-term relationships often become stagnant.
Unfortunately, this can lead to diminished passion and intimacy between partners.
To re-spark your husband’s desire, try new things together.
According to research by Dr. Arthur Aron, engaging in novel experiences together rekindles passionate feelings associated with new love.
Talk to your partner and decide on a new activity that you both have wanted to try or a new project that you could tackle together.
You will find that breaking free from your usual routine and engaging in something new and exciting directly affects your intimate connection.
For 100+ unique at-home date nights, unique outings, and weekend getaways, pick up the Relationship Workbook.
How to deal with your husband not wanting you #5: Express physical affection without the expectation of sex
There are various ways to deepen intimacy in a relationship.
Though your husband may not be interested in sexual activity, he may be open to other forms of physical intimacy.
Prioritize loving physical touch without the expectation of sex.
Simple things like cuddling while watching a movie or holding hands on a walk relieve the pressure your partner may feel to “be in the mood” for sex.
These moments allow you both to focus on being present in the moment and deepening your connection in other ways.
How to deal with your husband not wanting you #6: Be patient
When your husband has lost interest in sex, it’s normal to feel an urgency to resolve the issue immediately.
However, keep in mind that intimacy problems take time to resolve.
Understandably, you want things to change. You want to feel adored and desired again.
While your experience is valid, so is your husband’s.
Your partner may not be sure why he doesn’t initiate sex or intimacy like he used to.
He may be distressed by his low sex drive and unsure what to do.
Whatever is causing your husband’s lack of desire, there is no quick fix.
Getting to the root of the problem and reigniting the spark in your marriage requires time and effort.
Pressuring your husband may only worsen the situation and lead to further disconnection and tension between you.
Instead, try to be a supportive presence for your partner.
As you take steps to restore intimacy, stay hopeful that things will improve with effort and in their own time.
How to deal with your husband not wanting you #7: Seek professional support
It can be overwhelming to feel like your partner is no longer interested in you.
Intimacy issues spur feelings of rejection, sadness, and loneliness.
It’s easy to get stuck in those intense emotions.
That’s why seeking help from an outside person who can offer a fresh perspective and guidance is highly beneficial.
Couples therapy or coaching is a safe space for you and your partner to address intimacy issues and process the complex emotions that come with it.
A relationship coach will provide the tools to deepen emotional and physical intimacy and strengthen your relationship.
Book a couples consultation to learn more about working with us.
Why is my husband not interested in me?
Various factors can contribute to decreased intimate or sexual desire, such as stress, physical or mental health issues, insecurities around body image and weight loss, and relationship problems. If your husband has lost interest in sex, have an open conversation about your concerns.
How do I talk to my husband about lack of intimacy?
Express your feelings and concerns without blaming or attacking your partner. Then, listen as your husband shares his thoughts and experiences. If you find it difficult to talk about this relationship problem without arguing or shutting down, seek support from a clinical psychologist, relationship coach, or sex therapist.
What lack of intimacy does to a woman?
Emotional and sexual intimacy are crucial components of healthy relationships. Therefore, the absence of sex can have harmful effects on women’s health and overall well-being. When their partner loses interest in sex, women may experience emotional distress, low self-esteem, increased anxiety, and decreased satisfaction with their relationships.
How do you fix intimacy problems in a marriage?
1.) Establish honest and open communication about your desire for more sex and intimacy. 2.) Address any underlying mental or physical health issues. 3.) Focus on rebuilding emotional intimacy. 4.) Express appreciation for your partner. 4.) Show physical affection without the expectation of sex. 5.) Be patient, understanding, and empathetic. 6.) Seek professional support.
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