Do you want to know how to begin infidelity recovery or if it’s even possible?
After an affair, it’s common to have doubts about your marriage.
You’re likely reflecting on how you arrived at this point, how long this pain will last, and what steps to take next.
If you’re struggling with the aftermath of infidelity in your relationship, this article provides insight into why cheating happens and its significant impact.
Additionally, this article offers guidance on how to begin to heal.
Despite your current struggles, there is hope. It is possible to fix your broken relationship and come out stronger on the other side.
Table of Contents
Reasons people cheat where infidelity recovery can help
Often, wives or husbands cheat because they feel something is missing physically or emotionally.
Unmet emotional or physical needs
One common reason affairs happen is unmet emotional or physical needs in the marriage.
For example, a lack of physical intimacy may make you or your partner feel undesired, leading one or both of you to meet those needs outside the relationship.
The desire for novelty or excitement
Another potential cause for cheating is a craving for newness.
In a long-term relationship, it’s typical for day-to-day life to become familiar and predictable.
Nevertheless, some individuals have a strong need for variety and new experiences.
If the need for excitement goes unfulfilled within your marriage, you or your partner may look for it in outside sources.
Emotional disconnect
Sometimes, affairs occur when there is an emotional disconnection in marriage or partnership.
Various factors can contribute to emotional distance, including unresolved conflict from past arguments, a lack of quality time spent together, and mental health issues such as depression or anxiety.
A lack of emotional intimacy can result in profound feelings of loneliness, leading one of you to seek comfort and closeness elsewhere.
Opportunities and circumstances
Sometimes, people do not go looking for an affair, yet they find themselves in a situation where the opportunity presents itself.
For example, one of the types of men who have affairs is the person who doesn’t go looking to cheat. Yet, they find it difficult to resist temptation in certain situations, like when they’ve had a few drinks or are on a business trip.
Addiction
Addiction worsens infidelity in multiple ways.
One reason is that substance abuse leads to increased recklessness and impulsiveness.
A person may cheat after drinking or using drugs without considering the consequences.
Further, individuals struggling with porn addiction or drug addiction often use substance use as an excuse for their poor behavior.
Conversely, if your partner is dealing with addiction, it can lead to feelings of neglect which may prompt you to seek emotional support, safety, and love from other sources.
Understanding the impact of infidelity
Infidelity can be one of the most painful things in a marriage and partnership.
It can lead to many negative consequences in your life, such as declining mental health and lasting damage to your relationship.
Emotional turmoil
Every person will have a unique emotional response to infidelity.
For instance, the betrayed partner may go through deep hurt, rage, fear, confusion, and grief.
Additionally, the betrayed spouse might experience guilt or shame if they think the affair occurred due to their actions.
Additionally, infidelity can be a traumatic event.
After an affair, some individuals experience symptoms of a mental health disorder called post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder include
- Intrusive thoughts or flashbacks
- Ruminating about the affair
- Recurring memories or nightmares
- Heightened anxiety, worry, or fear
- Erratic behaviors
- Increased irritability or rage
- Difficulty sleeping
- Trust issues
- Withdrawing from friends and family
Experiencing these symptoms can make it challenging to carry out daily activities.
If you notice these indications in yourself or your partner, contact a mental health professional.
Communication breakdown
When infidelity occurs, healthy communication often diminishes or stops entirely.
You and your partner may find it challenging to communicate your emotions, concerns, and needs to each other.
Erosion of trust
Once you discover your spouse has been cheating, it can feel like trust is completely shattered.
The hurt partner may be unsure if they can trust their spouse again.
While it does not happen overnight, restoring trust is possible.
If trust cannot be re-established, it’s one of the biggest signs of an impending divorce.
9 steps of affair recovery
Recovering from infidelity is a complex and challenging process.
However, it is possible to save your marriage and create an even stronger relationship than before.
A married couple can emerge from infidelity with a renewed sense of commitment, intimacy, and love.
1. Accept what happened
The first step in recovering from an affair is acknowledging what happened.
Start by talking openly and honestly with your partner about the affair.
The betrayed partner will likely want to ask their spouse questions about the affair.
During this conversation, the unfaithful spouse should talk honestly about what happened and what led to the cheating.
2. Take responsibility
While it’s essential for the partner who cheated to explore the underlying reasons for the affair, they should avoid making excuses for their behavior.
The unfaithful spouse must acknowledge that cheating was wrong and take full responsibility for their actions.
3. Share your emotions honestly
Next, allow space for the betrayed spouse to share their feelings, fears, and concerns.
As you listen to your partner, avoid minimizing their emotions or responding defensively.
Acknowledging the hurt partner’s pain and validating their feelings is key to the healing process.
4. Discuss boundaries for infidelity recovery
Setting boundaries is crucial for restoring emotional safety in your marriage.
First, the unfaithful spouse must cut off all contact with the person they cheated with. It is impossible to move past the affair if that individual remains a part of your life.
Sometimes, cutting off contact can be as straightforward as blocking their phone number, while other times, it may require more drastic measures like quitting a job or leaving your social group.
As involved as it may be, it’s crucial to cut contact completely to create emotional safety again.
Additionally, work to establish boundaries to prevent future affairs.
For example, you and your partner could set mutual expectations for friendships.
5. Commit to the healing process
Healing after infidelity requires both partners to be committed to repairing their relationship.
There is no quick fix to make things go back to how they were in the past.
It takes time, effort, and patience to overcome the pain and move forward.
Take things one day at a time and avoid rushing the healing journey.
Instead, view this painful event as an opportunity for personal growth and growth as a couple.
To facilitate healing, you and your partner may want to consider reading self-help books like the Save Your Marriage Workbook, marriage books on affair recovery, or attending therapy sessions together or individually.
6. Seek couples therapy for infidelity recovery
Don’t try to go through the affair recovery process on your own.
A marriage counselor or coach will help you navigate the challenging emotions surrounding the affair and provide direction on moving forward.
Furthermore, a marriage counselor will lead you through activities that facilitate healing.
For example, we teach couples trust-building exercises for rebuilding trust and intimacy.
Book a complimentary couples consult to see if working with us would be a good fit.
7. Carve out time for self-care
It’s common for both partners to experience intense emotions after the discovery of an affair.
The betrayed partner may be going through waves of anger, sadness, or grief.
Meanwhile, the unfaithful partner may harbor shame and guilt about how deeply they hurt someone they love.
During this stressful time, prioritize self-care.
Self-care activities include exercising, consuming healthy foods, spending quality time with friends or family members, meditating, reading, or making art.
8. Being willing to forgive is essential for infidelity recovery
Forgiveness does not imply forgetting or excusing the affair.
Instead, it means releasing the emotional burden and moving forward without harboring resentment in your marriage.
Also, it’s important to note that choosing to forgive does not automatically restore trust.
Trust is restored over time as the unfaithful spouse shows consistency and commitment to the relationship.
9. Reinvent your relationship
Most people believe that infidelity is the ultimate reason for ending a marriage.
However, that doesn’t have to be the case.
While we don’t recommend having an affair, they present a unique opportunity to reinvent the relationship.
By addressing underlying issues, setting new boundaries, and redefining your relationship goals, you can create a stronger foundation for your relationship moving forward.
Marriage counseling helps with infidelity recovery
In marital therapy, you and your partner will receive the support you need to save your marriage.
You may find that it’s difficult to talk about the affair without fighting or shutting down.
A relationship counselor or coach will help you navigate infidelity recovery and facilitate these difficult conversations.
With the guidance of a trained expert, you’ll be able to process what happened, address underlying issues, and better understand each other’s emotions and needs.
Although it requires time, effort, and patience, healing after infidelity and rebuilding a loving partnership is possible.
Get support today. Schedule a couples consultation.
What is infidelity?
Engaging in a sexual or emotional relationship with someone other than your partner is considered infidelity.
Infidelity violates the boundaries and expectations within the marriage. Infidelity can take many forms, such as sexual affairs, emotional affairs, and cyber affairs.
Sexual affair: A sexual affair is engaging in sexual activities with someone other than your committed partner.
Sexual infidelity can be a one-time encounter or a recurring affair.
Emotional affair: The myth that sexual affairs cause more harm is simply false. Contrary to popular belief, emotional affairs can be as damaging as sexual affairs. An emotional affair entails forming an intimate connection with someone other than your partner. Emotional cheating involves seeking emotional support outside of your marriage or sharing intimate details about your life with someone else. Also, with an emotional affair, there are feelings that are typically reserved for your partnership.
Cyber affair: Cyber affairs have become increasingly prevalent due to the rise of online communication.
A cyber affair occurs when you form inappropriate sexual or emotional connections through social media, dating apps, or chatrooms.
Does infidelity pain ever go away?
When you discover that your spouse has had an affair, the pain can be overwhelming. You may wonder if it’ll ever stop hurting so deeply. However, know that the pain of betrayal doesn’t have to define your relationship. How long it takes to heal varies depending on the extent of the betrayal and your commitment to the recovery process. Even though the pain may never subside entirely, it can become more manageable over time. Surviving infidelity isn’t about forgetting the pain. It’s about learning to cope with it and rebuild a sense of trust and safety. Communicating with your partner, seeking professional support, and committing to restoring trust are the first steps toward rebuilding a happy relationship.
What percentage of couples recover from infidelity?
According to a study by the American Psychological Association, 57% of couples who revealed infidelity chose to stay together. However, in marriages where infidelity was kept hidden, the divorce rate skyrocketed to 80%. Some couples can work through the intense emotional pain of infidelity and create a stronger marriage. Meanwhile, other couples struggle to overcome the betrayal. One factor that affects the ability to heal is being open and honest about the affair. Research shows that revealing infidelity reduces the chances of divorce. These results indicate that honesty after an affair is essential to healing and restoring the relationship. Also, several other factors influence whether a couple can recover from infidelity, such as the circumstances surrounding the infidelity, your level of commitment to repairing the relationship and having the right support.
Why would someone cheat on someone they love?
It can be challenging to understand why someone would cheat on their partner, especially if they claim to love them. However, the reasons behind cheating are complex. It’s important to note that we are not justifying this behavior in any way. Understanding why an affair happened is crucial for rebuilding a strong marriage or relationship and preventing infidelity from happening again in the future.
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